Desperate Housewives Episode 3.16 My Husband, The Pig

Mike confronts Orson about having planted the bloody wrench that killed Monique on him. Mike threatens to go to the police but Orson responds by threatening to reveal that Mike caused his fall, so they agree to leave each other alone.

A smooth-talking mayoral candidate deliberately has his driver bump into Gabrielle's car so he can meet her. He hands her a check for $5,000 to cover the damages, but doesn't sign it so that she has to come see him. He asks her to dinner and she agrees, but she reveals she's onto his schemes and that this will be their only date. As she leaves, he tells his driver, "I'm going to marry that woman."

Mike goes to reclaim his belongings from the hospital, including the engagement ring which he no longer remembers buying. But the inscription -- "Susan, be mine forever, Mike" -- is perfectly clear.

Ian presents Susan with the diamond ring he didn't have when he proposed and she loves it -- but it's too big! So she goes to the jeweler to have it resized. There, she bumps into Mike, who is returning the ring he bought for her. Because the store doesn't have another ring for her to try on, the salesperson asks her to try Mike's ring. She does, and it fits perfectly.

Mike hands Ian a check to repay him for the lawyer he hired for him. He tells Ian he came into a windfall since he sold back a ring he didn't even know he had. When Ian mentions the inscription, Mike realizes that Ian only proposed to Susan after seeing Mike's ring.

Carlos lines up a hot Internet date so he turns down Edie's request to babysit her little boy, Travers, whom her ex unexpectedly dumped on her. Carlos's date arrives, and is even hotter than advertised, but he's distracted when he sees Travers playing outside by himself in the dark. He brings Travers in and asks his date to wait until Edie comes back, but instead she takes off. When a very drunk Edie finally shows up hours later, Carlos calls her a terrible mother and informs her that Travers is asleep and she can come back for him in the morning. When she comes to pick him up, she admits she's not a good mother and that's why she gave up custody. And then she promises to spend the entire day with Travers.

Austin hops into Julie's car at the car wash so that she'll be forced to talk to him. He hands her a note, explaining everything, and begs her to read it.

A tearful Danielle reveals to Andrew that she's pregnant! Danielle next tells Austin, who refuses to marry her. While Danielle is vomiting in the bathroom, Julie stops by to say she read the note and was so moved, she wants to give Austin a second chance. He tells her they'll have to talk later.

Andrew enlists Orson, who's about to leave on his his long-delayed honeymoon with Bree, to deal with the problem. He says they'll take Danielle with them and tell people that she's studying abroad and that the baby will be placed with a good family. And he orders Austin to leave town immediately and not reveal the truth to anyone. When Austin protests because he doesn't want to leave Julie, Andrew tells him that Julie deserves better. Austin tells Julie he has to leave because of an unnamed family crisis but that she's the only one who was ever willing to give him a second chance.

For their nine-year anniversary, Tom wants to take Lynette out, but she's so tired from working at the pizzeria that she just wants to take a hot bath and call it an early night. He decides to surprise her by planning a romantic evening involving a limo ride to a private catered dinner, but she catches wind of his plans and is furious that he didn't listen to her request. He tells her he'll cancel the whole thing and rustle up a poker game with the guys so she can spend the evening alone.

Tom invites Mike, Carlos, and Orson over to the pizzeria to play poker, and Ian too, since Susan asked Tom to include him. Tom gets a call -- it's the limo driver, who has a flat and is held up. He never got the call to cancel, so Lynette's been sitting out by the side of the road for two hours! Tom rushes to pick her up, apologizing profusely for the mistake. He swears he'll never try to surprise her again. Even though she's cold and starving and furious, she admits that he was right and that they can't give up on romance. He promises to surprise her next year and they toast to a happy nine years together.

Mike and Ian continue to play a tense game of poker, during which Mike quizzes Ian about exactly when and why he proposed to Susan. Ian is ahead and Mike is nearly out of money when Ian suggests new stakes: If Mike wins, he can tell Susan whatever he likes. But if Ian wins, Mike agrees to never tell her anything. When Ian arrives at Susan's, he happily announces that he won.