August 12, 2010 07:51:25 GMT
The rapper admitted that he made the concept of 'Glow in the Dark' tour as his inner child projection to overcome the grief.
Rapper Kanye West has only recently come to terms with the death of his beloved mother after spending the last three years in a "delusional" state. The hip-hop star was left devastated when Dr. Donda West suffered fatal complications after undergoing plastic surgery and passed away in November 2007.
The "Stronger" hitmaker refused to deal with the tragedy and continued to work through his pain - but he admits the whole concept behind his futuristic "Glow in the Dark" tour in 2008 and 2009 was designed to allow him to live in a fantasy world where he could pretend he was just a kid again.
In a candid interview with New York radio DJ Angie Martinez, he says, "Since my mum passed, I just never stopped. Even the Glow in the Dark (tour), the whole concept, I was almost in like, a delusional place."
"When Star Wars was out and I was a young child, I used to turn the sheets over and put pillows under it to make my bed look like the Empire Strikes Back snow thing and whenever something tragic happens, I turn into this five year old. So Glow in the Dark, I wasn't actually giving a rap concert, I was back in my mother's house as that five year old, as Luke Skywalker on the top of the stage. So I was completely not dealing with any responsibilities or reality or anything and it allowed me to be neglectful."
West admits his bad behavior at the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards, when he stormed the stage and ruined Taylor Swift's acceptance speech, was partly due to his failure to confront the tragedy - and he didn't care what happened to his career. He adds, "Even when the MTV thing happened, it was sort of like I was throwing a Molotov cocktail (petrol bomb) at my career."
The harsh criticism the star received after the incident caused him to reevaluate his life and he concedes it was a much-needed wake-up call: "The thing is I needed... that extra piece as a person. You have to go through hard times in life to develop your character and that added so many things to me. I had to add humility, because I have truth and confidence and all this, but I had to add humility and empathy. And those are two things that I was definitely missing. I added those because I got beat up. It is what it is, I had to grow up..."
"Now I'm at a place where I've actually started to deal with my mum's passing and deal with my attitude and problems that I have, and you know, come down to Earth in a way. I'm present now."