February 01, 2013 07:55:46 GMT
Queen Bey opens up about her struggle dealing with pain after losing her unborn baby in the early stage of her pregnancy and dismisses rumor she used surrogate to have a child.
Beyonce Knowles opens up about her heartbreaking miscarriage that remained secret until her husband Jay-Z revealed it in his song "Glory" that's recorded in ode to their first child Blue Ivy. She also addresses rumor that she faked her pregnancy and used a surrogate to have child.
"About two years ago, I was pregnant for the first time," Queen Bey says in a new preview of her upcoming HBO documentary "Beyonce: Life Is But a Dream". "And I heard the heartbeat, which was the most beautiful music I ever heard in my life."
"I picked out names," she adds. "I envisioned what my child would look like... I was feeling very maternal." She miscarried in the early stage of her pregnancy. "I flew back to New York to get my check up - and no heartbeat," she recalls. "Literally the week before I went to the doctor, everything was fine, but there was no heartbeat."
She then turned to music to deal with the pain. "I went into the studio and wrote the saddest song I've ever written in my life," she spills. "And it was actually the first song I wrote for my album. And it was the best form of therapy for me, because it was the saddest thing I've ever been through."
When she got pregnant last year, she couldn't contain her happiness. "Being pregnant was very much like falling in love. You are so open. You are so overjoyed," she gushes. "There's no words that can express having a baby growing inside of you, so of course you want to scream it out and tell everyone."
She admits that she's "scared to death" of giving birth, but says it's "the most powerful thing you can ever do in your life." She describes it as "the most beautiful experience of my life ... It was amazing ... I felt like God was giving me a chance to assist in a miracle ... You're playing a part in a much bigger show."
Before she announced her pregnancy at MTV Video Music Awards, she was infamously rumored sporting a fake baby bump that led to another speculation that she used surrogacy to have a child. "A stupid rumor, the most ridiculous rumor I've ever had about me," she blasts. "To think that I would be that vain..."