October 08, 2009 02:51:14 GMT
The reality TV star blames her domestic violence case involving estranged lover, Shawne Merriman, as the cause of her recent meltdown.
After causing concern with her suicidal Twitter messages, Tila Tequila decides to come clean about her act, taking it to her Global Grind blog to explain what is really going on with her. Besides, she also opens up about the root of her meltdown, which is the domestic violence case that involves estranged boyfriend, footballer Shawne Merriman, she's been dealing with.
"I don't usually issue statements to address rumors, but since suicide is a very serious subject, I felt that it is my responsibility to come clean and speak out about it, as emotional and personal as it is," she begins her post. "I feel like it is still my duty to take responsibility for my own actions. Sometimes I tend to forget that I am a public figure and with that, comes a lot of responsibility and suicide is not the type of message I want to send out. This is not one of my proudest moments to share with the world, but maybe it can help save someone else's life who ends up reading this."
The Internet pin-up continues writing, "Recently I was involved in a highly publicized case of Domestic Violence, and I have never really spoken out about it. I do not want to bring this up again, however it has been a very difficult situation for me. Not being able to speak to people about it in public, and having to pretend to move on(with life) as though nothing ever happened, has taken a heavy toll on me, physically, as well as mentally."
"Because of the post traumatic stress that I have suffered from that incident, and the tremendous amount of pressure from media scrutiny, I finally had a meltdown. For one person to have to deal with the weight of the world on her shoulders, it's not as easy as one may think ... I didn't give myself a chance to rely on anyone for emotional support and therefore, I became isolated."
Tila, moreover, offers an apology to her friends, family, and fans and ensures them that she has sought medical attention. "So I just want to say that I am very sorry if I worried my fans and all of the people close to me, because the last thing I want to do is hurt them or send out the wrong message. I have been seeking medical attention because I know that the little girl inside of me still has a lot to live for. I am slowly, but surely, picking up all of the broken pieces and trying to put it all back together again," she claims.
Tila's full statement about her suicidal thoughts can be read on Global Grind.