A vase has broken, and Julia demands to know how it happened. Sydney will only say that Skippy the neighbor's dog knocked it down. Knowing full well that Skippy is dead, Julia tells Joel to put down the broom - whoever broke the vase will clean it up. When Sydney quips that Skippy doesn't know how to clean, Julia tells her there's no excuse for lying. Sydney thinks that Julia's a liar, so...? Julia clarifies: she's a lawyer! Sydney explains: Harmony's mom said lawyers and liars are the same thing.
Drew flirts awkwardly with pretty Lindsay, complaining the school should have used its money for something useful instead of a dance. When Lindsay admits that she's going, Drew asks Amber for advice. Amber's helping Drew pick his wardrobe when Sarah barges in with news about Amber's college tour. Sarah's picked up some extra shifts to pay for it, and she wants Amber to work with her tomorrow night, catering at a college poetry reading. Amber doesn't want to go, but Sarah insists she learn the difference between "Paging Dr. Braverman," and "Do you want fries with that?"
Crosby loves watching "ET," but both Jabbar and Jasmine are nodding off. After putting Jabbar to bed, Crosby leans in for a kiss, which Jasmine returns, then pushes him away. Kristina's friend Denise is announcing her candidacy for lieutenant governor in Sacramento, and is hoping Kristina will help her out for the weekend. Adam thinks it's a great idea, but he's more excited about the sexy bra that came in the mail. Kristina thinks it's a gift from Adam, but it's not long before the couple realizes that Adam's worst fear has come to fruition. Haddie has ordered the bra for herself!
The next morning, Kristina tells Haddie that a package came for her yesterday. Adam opened it accidentally, then threw it away. Luckily, Kristina rescued it from the trash. Haddie is incensed over yet another violation of her privacy. Kristina asks Haddie to promise that she's being smart and careful, and above all, not having sex, which is defined as anything beyond making out. Claiming she doesn't want to be late to school, Haddie takes off as Kristina yells, "I trust you!"
Over lunch, Crosby fears that watching the video of Jasmine giving birth may have warped him, but he still wishes he could hang out with her without Jabbar, in hopes of getting to know her again. Adam explains that there's an easy solution, and it's called a date. Kristina gathers the Braverman girls to help her pull together some outfits for her big work weekend. Sadly all her clothing makes her look like David Byrne or Cybill Sheperd.
Kristina confesses that Haddie bought her first lacy bra. Sarah asks about the lace-to-base ratio - the more lace, the further the base. Julia wants to know when kids start lying; Sarah jokes that Amber did it in the delivery room ("That's not my vodka!"), and Kristina claims Haddie was only two. Julia's relieved that Sydney's lying isn't her fault, but she bristles when Sarah makes a lawyer liar joke. Sarah backs off. After all, she serves liquor for a living and Amber doesn't want to go to college. Kristina's shocked. Amber has to go to college, even if Sarah can't make her go. The ladies conclude that the biggest problem for mothers is daughters.
Drew rings the doorbell looking for Adam, nervous about the school dance. He doesn't know how to dance, and didn't want to humiliate himself by asking Amber. Adam understands completely. Drew's come to the right place. Does he know they used to call Adam "Fever" as in "Saturday Night Fever" in high school? Drew cringes as Adam cranks up the tunes and boogies down, encouraging Drew to feel the fever in his pelvis. Drew watches, stunned as the women run down the stairs to catch the dance fever.
Crosby stops by Jasmine's house to return one of Jabbar's missing socks, admitting that what he's about to propose is backwards, since they already have a kid... Jasmine helps out, and agrees to go out to dinner on Saturday night. When the weekend rolls around, Kristina is overcome with guilt. How can she leave her family to fend for themselves? She calls Adam to let him know it's a big mistake before even starting her car. Adam promises her that everything will be fine; he can handle it.
With the broken vase still on the floor, Julia sits Sydney down for a lesson on the Declaration of Independence, and its author, Thomas Jefferson. Not only was he a founding father and our nation's third president, but he was a laywer. America was created by lawyers, so when Harmony's mom insults lawyers, she's really insulting America itself. Americans are honest people who believe that telling the truth is very important. Now, is there anything Sydney wants to say? The only thing Sydney wants to know is what time Jabbar is coming to sleep over tonight.
Councilwoman Denise Bowser greets Kristina warmly, and introduces her to her youthful staff. Denise has to run, so Kristina does her best to get started, even though everyone calling each other "dude" immediately puts her off. The sight of Kristina's Filofax and old paper files draw odd stares. When Kristina gets ready to write a position paper, staff worker Lauren clarifies: she was referring to tweets of 140 characters or less.
Adam is trying and failing to get Max to stop watching TV when Haddie comes downstairs wearing a shirt that reveals her new bra. She's planned to spend her evening with Steve, and she's already cleared it with Kristina. Adam is just starting to freak out when the doorbell rings. Drew has chickened out on going to the dance, and was hoping to watch the game. Seeing an in, Adam insists on driving Drew to the dance, ordering Haddie to stay home and watch Max until he returns.
Crosby and Jasmine drop Jabbar at Julia's for a sleepover while they're on their date, and are surprised to find the broken vase is still on Julia's floor. Julia explains that the vase will remain on the floor - cordoned off for safety, of course - until Sydney admits she broke it, which Crosby thinks is both dangerous and insane. Meanwhile, Sarah's excited to escort Amber through the college campus - isn't it great? Amber's skeptical; not only could she never get in, but why would she want to go to school with these douches?
While catering the poetry reading, Sarah's shocked to see poet and barista Jim Kazinsky, and even more shocked to find out that he's the guest of honor. Jim thinks it's a sign, but Sarah waves it off, introducing him to Amber as a guy she went to high school with. Amidst heartfelt applause, Jim takes the stage, telling everyone that it's going to be a very special night, wink wink. Both Amber and Sarah know that it's going to be more like a nightmare...
Jim reads several poems from his new book, "The One that Got Away... Twice," including a poem that Amber knows must be about her mother's private parts. Sarah is beyond mortified. Meanwhile, Kristina and her co-workers meet with Assemblymsn Fortunato, hoping for an endorsement. Fortunato balks, explaining that Denise is going up against some very powerful people with long memories. Knowing her younger colleagues can't speak to this, Kristina plays to the strength of her experience, recalling Fortunato's first accomplishment in office. Denise is hoping to make similar ecological strides, and she needs Fortunato's help.
Crosby and Jasmine's date is going okay, if not a little awkwardly when Julia calls. Jabbar is insisting on going home and won't say why. Meanwhile, Adam and Drew return home from the dance. Drew tells Haddie he asked Lindsay to dance, but she shot him down. Since Max is in bed and Adam's home, Haddie wants to go to Steve's, but Adam doesn't want her to go. Haddie asks Adam if it's about the bra, and he has to admit it's true. Haddie quickly sheds the bra and runs out the door as Adam yells after her.
It turns out that Jabbar really had to poop, and he didn't want to do it at a stranger's house. Crosby and Jasmine take Jabbar into the bathroom and work through his little hurdle, singing a song. Adam loads Max and Drew in the car and makes a beeline for the Williams' house. Telling Steve's parents Marjorie and Dale there's a family emergency, Adam charges through the house, finding Haddie in Steve's bedroom, clearly in the throes of a make-out session. Adam insists they're leaving right now.
In the car on the way home, Sarah shakes her head. Jim used to copy off her papers in 10th grade, and look at him now. Amber's grossed out, having just heard too many poems about her mother's genitalia, but Sarah's determined to make her point. Jim was obviously inspired to follow his dreams by reading Dylan Thomas in high school. The reason she brought Amber to Berkeley was so she could learn not to give up on herself, and Jim is living proof of that.
In the wake of solving Jabbar's poo problem, Crosby and Jasmine have a hot make-out session of their own. Back at home, Adam lays into Haddie - why did she just take off like that after he told her not to? As long as she lives in his house, she has to do what he says, when he says it. Haddie makes Adam admit that everything that's happened has been about the fact that he didn't like the kind of bra she was wearing. It's inconsistent and hypocritical. Adam would help Drew to score, but not Haddie, and it's because she's a girl. Adam admits the double standard isn't fair, but it's the way it is.
Jasmine and Crosby have had such an incredible night, that he's almost late to pick up Jabbar the next morning. God forbid perfectionist Julia would use Crosby's tardiness as a teachable moment. Crosby hustles out of bed, promising to meet Jasmine at her house in a little while. Sydney finally owns up to breaking the vase, asking her mom if she's happy now. Julia doesn't understand; it's all about being honest. Sydney knows that it's really about winning and losing, and this time, she lost.
Amber plops a Berkeley catalog in front of Sarah, who refuses to get excited. She's not going to let Amber break her heart when she decides not to apply. Amber explains. She doesn't want to apply to Berkeley; the catalog's for Sarah. If Jim can get people all hot and bothered about his poetry, then anything's possible. Sarah shouldn't give up on herself either.
Finally back at home, Kristina finds Adam reading in bed. Yes, her trip was amazing, and Denise offered her a full-time job as communications director. Kristina said she'd think it over and talk to Adam, who's confident they can work it out. When he starts ticking off all the changes they'll have to make, Kristin backs off, deciding the time's not right. Adam warns that she doesn't want to look back and feel like she missed out. Thinking their kids are only kids for so long, Kristina knows there will be other campaigns and sticks to her guns.