Max pokes around while Adam and Crosby childproof the houseboat in anticipation of a sleepover with Jabbar. Curious, Max holds up a bong, which Crosby explains is his special mixing beaker. When Adam uncovers a pair of crotchless panties, Crosby jokes that Kristina left them behind. Adam offends Crosby, inviting him to do the sleepover at their house. Crosby insists he can handle it. Adam smiles; the sleepover's going to be great. To experience your child sleeping is incredible, so peaceful and innocent. Crosby agrees. He's dated some real hellcats. When they finally pass out, they're like kittens, all purry and warm...
The Braverman women hang out in Zeek and Camille's backyard, setting up for brunch. Julia asks Kristina if Haddie can babysit for her date night with Joel. Engrossed in a phone call, Haddie's not interested. Sarah suggests Amber. Julia and Joel exchange nervous looks, but they're game, so Sarah marches over to Amber, who's lounging in the sun with her headphones. Amber doesn't respond, so Sarah squirts her with water, and prods her to say yes. When Sarah orders Amber to get Drew, she balks. Drew's in the bathroom for the fifth time today, and she's not going anywhere near him. When Sarah insists that Drew is simply getting clean, Amber clarifies: he's getting spankin' clean.
Before bed, Kristina sorts bills and chats with Adam. Does Crosby know that she knows about Jabbar? He hasn't even told Katie yet. One thing's for sure, Crosby shouldn't be joking about her underpants. Kristina gasps -- Haddie has racked up $220 on her cell phone, calling one unknown number over and over. Adam calls Haddie, who doesn't pick up, so he decides to call the mystery phone number instead. The voicemail message is rap inflected and ends with the line, "Yo yo yo, whassup?" Insisting Adam must have dialed wrong, Kristina grabs the phone, but they got it right the first time.
Kristina feels guilty, but with Haddie on a sleepover, Adam wants to search her room, claiming they'll get in and get out. They'll just look for anything that smells like yo. Kristina has the bright idea to check Haddie's Facebook page, but she's changed her password and they can't get on her laptop. Meanwhile, Amber pokes her head into the office to ask Sarah if she can shower -- the masturbatorium's occupied. Sarah asks Amber not to shame Drew, he has needs. Amber mentions that Julia called to cancel babysitting. Sarah can't understand why Julia didn't give a reason. Amber doesn't give it a second thought, but Sarah is clearly disturbed.
Crosby figures out Haddie's new password, "haddieho," and busts into her Facebook account. Haddie has been seeing a guy named Steve Williams for about a month, and a picture of them kissing reveals nothing but a hoodie. When Adam and Kristina panic, Crosby explains that the kids are just Facebook official, not eloping to Vegas. Zeek intercepts Sarah on the way to work. Someone in the house is using a lot of water, and they need to do something, from an environmental standpoint. Zeek thinks Drew needs a talk with grandpa, mano a mano. Masturbation is perfectly natural; even Zeek occasionally indulges, though not obsessively. Disgusted, Sarah insists that under no circumstances is Zeek to talk to Drew on this topic.
Jasmine drops Jabbar off at Crosby's houseboat, explaining that she's available by phone if needed, except for the two hours that she'll be dancing. Proud of his baby-proofing, Crosby claims it's safety first. Adam and Kristina confront Haddie about her cell phone bill. Haddie offers to pay them back, but they're more interested in Steve Williams. Stunned, Haddie wants to know how they figured out his name, so they admit they hacked her Facebook page. Furious, Haddie accuses her parents of being Homeland Security, violating everything. Upset that Haddie's been dating Steve for a month without telling them, Adam grounds her, and sends her to her room.
Max watches as Haddie slips out her bedroom window and runs through the backyard. Sarah visits Julia, who's at work on a Sunday. Julia claims it's her busy schedule that prompted her to cancel date night. Sarah points out that Joel told her they cancelled Amber because she doesn't know the area. According to Sarah, Amber was really disappointed, and feels as if Julia doesn't think she's responsible or capable. In Fresno, Amber was popular, the go-to babysitter. Chastened, Julia apologizes, but Sarah's still not happy. She's not the one that needs an apology.
Adam pulls up at his parents' house to find Drew washing Zeek's car. Zeek used to make Adam do the same thing, which he didn't enjoy, but there was something he did enjoy when he was Drew's age... It's nothing to be ashamed of, totally natural. When Drew asks if Sarah put Adam up to talking to him, Adam claims it was his idea. He just wanted to make sure that Drew was okay with everything, no stigma, no hair growing out of his palms. Embarrassed, Drew asks if they can just not talk about it and say they did, and no, he doesn't want to talk about prophylactics, either.
Back at home, Julia and Joel confer. They both blew it. Now it's time to trust Amber, since Sarah said they should. Joel snipes that he forgot the cardinal rule: only a Braverman can criticize another Braverman. Julia apologizes for the double standard with a kiss. Date night is back on, as Joel and Julia decide to be optimistic and call Amber. Kristina asks Adam how his talk went with Drew. She hopes he didn't use the word "masturbation"... Max enters just as they decide it's time to let Haddie out of her room. When Adam asks Max to call Haddie, he informs them he can't. Haddie's not in her room.
Having figured out Steve's address, Adam and Kristina load Max in the car and drive over, surprised to find that Steve lives in a picture-perfect house. Just then, Steve's parents step outside, instantly recognizing the Bravermans as Haddie's parents. Adam and Kristina are stunned to learn that Haddie has told Marjorie and Dale everything about them. The Williams assure the Bravermans they're doing the right thing; if they had a daughter, they'd want to know where she was spending all her time, too.
Haddie holes up in Amber's bedroom. What's she supposed to do when her parents start interrogating her again? Amber explains that a parent's job is to make their kids miserable, and a kid's job is to keep them out of their personal life as long as possible. Haddie should lie if she has to, but that strategy does tend to backfire. Nevertheless, Adam and Kristina crossed the line, and Haddie has every right to be mad.Adam thanks Sarah for responding to his APB. Sarah wants to know his plan -- what's he going to say to Haddie after he gets her in the car? And is she having sex? Amber was 15 when she hooked up with Damien. Freaked, Adam insists that Haddie's not there yet, but Sarah knows it's right around the corner. Adam needs to postpone it as long as possible and shut Haddie down. No email, no computer, no texting, no leaving the house. When that fails it's time to go to plan B -- move.
The ride home is tense. Adam can't believe that Haddie would sneak out, and she can't believe he would hack her computer. Adam insists there's no right to privacy in his house, even if it's different at Marjorie and Dale's. How does Haddie think Adam and Kristina felt, finding out that the Williams knew all about them? Feeling even more violated, Haddie admits it probably feels as bad as finding out your parents have no respect for your privacy. Fed up, Adam grounds Haddie and takes away her cell phone privileges.
After presenting an overly long emergency call list, Julia apologizes to Amber for the babysitting snafu. Sarah said Amber was upset, which is news to Amber. Sydney is thrilled to see Amber, and the cousins seem poised for an evening of fun, but Julia and Joel are nervous, and have a hard time leaving the house. Meanwhile, Adam leans on Kristina's shoulder in the backyard. Haddie hates him. Kristina knows that Haddie loves her dad more than anyone. Besides this phase isn't going to last for long. Haddie's going to grow up and fall in love for real. If it's any consolation, Adam will always be the most important man in Kristina's life.
Crosby and Jabbar are having a grand old time until Jabbar gets his thumb stuck in a soda can. Crosby remains calm, but when the can won't come off with soapy water and Jabbar starts to fret, he calls Adam and Kristina. In full out flagrant delicto, Adam knocks the phone to the floor. Meanwhile, Joel and Julia are just starting to relax on their date at a hot restaurant when Raquel waves them over to the table she shares with her husband Douglas and daughter Harmony. They're on a date night, too -- will Joel and Julia join them? When Julia looks as if her head might explode, Joel steers her to their table.
Worried, Crosby loads Jabbar in the car and calls Sarah, who's sneaking around Julia's front lawn, trying to spy Amber through the window. Amber hears the phone ringing and catches her mom red-handed. Relieved to have avoided Raquel, Julia is just sipping her first cocktail when her phone rings. A panicked Crosby is at the hospital with Jabbar, struggling with the triage nurse, since neither he nor Jabbar know Jabbar's birth date or address.
Inside, Amber confronts Sarah. Why is she checking up on her? And why did she tell Julia that Amber was upset when babysitting was cancelled? Sarah claims it's because she knew Amber wanted the money, but Amber knows that Sarah is trying to prove herself to Julia. Sarah admits that Julia makes her feel insecure, like she's the world's worst mom and a complete failure. Amber has Sydney show Sarah the project they've been working on, making paper turtles. Sarah cries, remembering when she did the same thing with Amber, back when they were living in a crappy motel with no money and no toys.
Julia finds Crosby and Jabbar at the hospital, stunned to discover that Crosby has a son. She whips a tube of moisturizer out of her purse. Claiming that it's slither cream, Julia says the magic words and pops off the soda can. They return to the houseboat to put Jabbar to bed. Julia asks Crosby if he's sure that Jabbar is his, because if he is, Crosby has legal and financial obligations. It's a big deal. Grateful that the soda can incident is over, Crosby tells Julia that she's an amazing mom, warming her heart. She can't believe that he didn't call Adam or Sarah first, and Crosby doesn't tell her that he did.
Kristina has a heart-to-heart with Haddie. When Kristina started dating at 16, her father nearly had a heart attack, and her dad was nothing like Adam. The point is, when it comes to dating daughters, the primordial lizard part of a dad's brain kicks in. Adam is more scared of losing Haddie than anything else. This truth resonates with Adam, who listens outside the bedroom door. Kristina exacts Haddie's promise to quit sneaking around, and Haddie apologizes.
Zeek busts into the bathroom while Drew is in the shower. His audience captive, Zeek offers a lecture on water conservation, along with some family history. Adam was a champion masturbator when he was Drew's age, and it's true, the Bravermans are blessed with an abundance of riches when it comes to testosterone. Still, it's all about moderation. Later, Drew shoots baskets in the backyard with the guys as the family prepares for a barbecue. Everyone's curious when Haddie shows up, holding hands with Steve, who respectfully introduces himself to Adam. Unable to help himself, Adam shakes hands, then asks ironically, "Whassup?"