Michelle Duggar has found a little bit of peace over the lost of her 20th child in a miscarriage. The "19 Kids and Counting" star and her family have held a memorial service in honor of baby Jubilee Shalom on Wednesday, December 14, and she told PEOPLE, "I feel a great sorrow and grief, and yet at the same time I have a peace in my heart."
"This is so sad, but I have peace," said the 45-year-old, who discovered on December 8 at a routine doctor's appointment that the baby she's carrying no longer had a heartbeat. "There are people praying for us and angels surrounding our home, and there was peace in the sorrow and the grief. Those feelings are mingled together."
She continued on to share, "We have so much to be thankful for. I know that in the days and weeks to come there will be other things that I will walk though, and grief that will come, and there will be times that we will worship and sing praises. I know that God will allow me to continue to release the emotions that I will release."
During the service taking place in Springdale, Arkansas, the wife of Jim Bob Duggar also shared a letter she wrote to her stillborn child. Knowing that she would be too emotional to "pour my heart out to Jubilee" in front of the hundreds of mourners and well-wishers, she made a recording in advance. She explained, "I knew there was no way I could read this at the service."
Michelle and her family also teamed up with nonprofit organization Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep to take photos of the stillborn, which were on display during the memorial. Some of the photos have made their way out earlier. A spokesperson for the family insisted they were intended for private use only, but got released without Jim Bob and Michelle's consent.