Scoundrels Episode 1.04 Where Have You Been, Charming Billy?

It's been a rough couple of days for the Palm Springs Police Dept. Before you ask any questions I will readily admit that I, Officer Potts, drove the vehicle that pursued Billy Silvos (Wolf West's practically adopted son) the fateful afternoon he was killed. The delinquent Silvos was being chased on foot by beat Officer McCoy and Officer What's-His-Name. I really don't know his name. Anywho, the deceased hid in a trashcan only moments before its contents were dumped into a powerful compactor. And just like that, Billy was dead. McCoy and the other guy feel responsible. They are now in therapy. I heard one of them cried. I am feeling a bit guilty myself even though I wasn't directly involved. You see, I'm at the level where I no longer chase down the criminals; I supervise the men who chase down the criminals. That's why I wear a tie to work. I believe in making lemons out of lemonade so I did my part and sent out an inner-office memo entitled "Thoroughly Search All Open Containers When In Pursuit of a Criminal."

The West Family held a graveside service for Billy. Heather wore a short black dress with a see-through back. (Which could easily be made out from 600 feet through binoculars.) Wolf West pulled some strings and got out of prison for the service! I blame the system. Yes, I am part of the system. But the good part. There's another part that's bad, very bad.

Heather talked Wolf's guard into letting him go to the West's party after the service. I know that resisting Heather's charm is difficult, however Prison Guard Russell Bickley crossed a line. While there, he overindulged in alcoholic beverages and passed out. Not before gawking at nearly naked photos of Heather West... the very ones that Heather ripped from my hands on one fateful police raid. You'd think Heather would go for a man with an authentic police badge, not a prison guard with a...well what cool thing do they have anyway? Most of them don't even carry a gun. Is it the uniform? Because I graduated to plain-clothed officer only six months ago and I still have my uniform in the spare closet at my Mother's house. I could ask Sergeant Mack if I could wear it again, just for kicks. Or is Heather just fascinated with what goes on in the "inside"? ‘Cause I know enough about hardened felons that I could fill her in and then some. Whatever it is, she spent a lot of time with this Russell character. My blood is boiling hotter than Palm Springs in August just thinking about it. And that's hot.

Since I wasn't invited to the wake (don't get me started) I got information about Billy's post-mortem shin-dig from my Criminal Informant who is clearly more popular with the Wests. I'll be frank, there are brothels that have seen less action. A family friend named Tanya has been wooing Cal West. On the surface Cheryl gave her husband the cold shoulder throughout the day. The only time she warmed up was when Wolf danced with her. Then, off the record, she paid Wolf two unauthorized "conjugal visits" if you catch my drift. While Cheryl and Wolf were indisposed, Hope and that guy who she's always with, Tad, were in her room. Apparently, Tad bolted from the room, red-faced and embarrassed. Underage hanky-panky may not be a crime but that doesn't make it right.

Later that night my mother was at the Palm Canyon Video Store after dark, which yes, is very unusual, but I didn't ask any questions. Privacy is privacy. Mother heard Hope making up with Tad. It sounds like Hope told Tad she is innocent of premarital you-know-what. Hope was afraid she'd lose Tad as her best friend. She didn't. Thanks Mom, for being a Nosy Nelly and letting me know all about the local teenage drama. Honestly, she doesn't understand that I am a cop who doesn't have time for idle he-said, she-said.

Anyway, with a high percentage of the Palm Springs underbelly cutting loose in the West house, I was on the stakeout of all stakeouts. I stopped off at the corner store to pick up some spicy bbq chips and a caffeinated tea with an extra cup just in case nature called. Then I waited. And waited. Imagine my excitement when Cal emerged with his ski mask in hand. I followed him to an electronics store, poised to catch him red-handed. I could almost hear Sergeant Mack's words of praise, maybe I'd even get a Commendation. Instead of going through with the premeditated robbery, Logan showed up and they got into a fistfight about Logan handling their father's appeal. You may not know this but I am trained beyond police school. I studied a very specific type of Brazilian Martial Arts called Capoeira. It mixes the skill of fighting with the art of dance. My mother enrolled me at the tender age of fourteen so I could defend myself against the local bullies since she assumed I wouldn't experience puberty until my late teens like my father. It's genetics. All that to say if Logan or Cal had come at me, I would've showed them how real men fight. Ironically if their scuffle hadn't been so pathetic, I could've detained them for assault. But I would've been embarrassed calling their fight "assault" when Cal barely managed to untuck Logan's shirttail. The law deserves more respect than that.

While I'm on the topic of the law, it should be illegal to allow a senior citizen to wander the streets unsupervised. Would you let your children do this? Of course not. Grandpa West spent hours talking to his deceased wife's grave. He was probably hot. Maybe dehydrated. Otherwise why would he be talking to a dead person?

To top things off, that incompetent boob in a pretty uniform, Bickley, was transporting Mr. West back to lockup when Cal shows up driving a Yellow Digger. Lucky for Bickley, Wolf didn't escape...this time.

I wonder if Heather gave him her number.