AceShowbiz - Chrissy Teigen asked her husband John Legen to help her document the devastating loss of their baby boy on camera because she knew how important it would be to share their story.
The model and TV personality lost a son the couple named Jack in late September (20), after suffering pregnancy complications which caused heavy bleeding.
Chrissy and John broke the news of the family tragedy to fans online with a series of black-and-white shots of the stars mourning their third child in the hospital, and now the Cravings cookbook author is pouring her heart out about the loss in an emotional open letter for Medium.com.
In the lengthy article, Chrissy reveals she was diagnosed with partial placenta abruption, which caused her non-stop bleeding as she approached the 20 week mark, and the moment doctors confirmed their son would not survive.
"After a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming - it was time to say goodbye," she writes. "He just wouldn't survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either."
"I was told it would be time to let go in the morning," she continues. "I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness."
"Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again. Oxygen was placed over my nose and mouth, and that was the first picture you saw," she explained, referring to the images posted on Instagram, describing the moment as "utter and complete sadness."
She goes on to share why she felt it necessary to photograph such personal heartbreak - even though it was clear John was dead set against it. "It didn't make sense to him at the time," he explains, "but I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after (older kids) Luna and Miles (were born). And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story."
Briefly addressing her critics, who took aim at Chrissy for being so open, she declares, "I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it's something you wouldn't have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren't for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like."
"These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me."
Chrissy insists the experience has made her all the more grateful to have "two insanely wonderful little toddlers" in Luna and Miles, and although the loss of Jack left a hole in her heart, it has since been "filled with the love of something I loved so much."
"It doesn't feel empty, this space. It feels full," she notes.
Chrissy will also forever be thankful for all the messages of condolence from fans and friends, who have experienced similar tragedies, assuring followers she read every single one.
"Thank you so much to every single person who has had us in their thoughts or gone as far as to send us your love and stories," she adds. "We are so incredibly lucky."