AceShowbiz - %cYolanda Hadid% wanted to kill herself after she was diagnosed with Lyme disease. The former "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" star reveals that when she was in Florida with then-husband %cDavid Foster% back in 2014, two years after she was diagnosed with the neurological disease, she let her body slip into the ocean.
As written in her new book "Believe Me: My Battle With the Invisibility of Lyme Disease", Yolanda thought as she sank, "God please just take me away in a wave." Speaking to Us Weekly, the 53-year-old reality TV star recalls, "I just was hopeless and didn't see how I was going to get out of the dark hole."
The mother of three continued, "I wanted to die, but the next second, I looked at a picture of my sweet kids. They are my reason for fighting." With her children, %cBella Hadid%, 20, and %cAnwar Hadid%, 18, fighting the same disease, Yolanda's determined to survive. "My greatest gift would be if I can find the cure before I leave this planet," says the former Bravo star, who is also mom to %cGigi Hadid%, 22, "so they can live a life they deserve."
The blonde beauty reveals the first step to her recovery was "surrendering" to the disease, as she had to learn how adapt to her condition. "You know, you just have to surrender. I just had to surrender, like the first year, I fought it every day and I would be miserable about being miserable," the TV personality says.
"At some point you just learn to surrender to your path. This obviously was my path for five years and the healing clock is, you know, the universe's time and not on my time," she continues. "So it was a big lesson in learning to be patient and learning to be disciplined. I just found this inner strength that I never knew I had and the will to live and that stuck me through it."
Yolanda also says that since accepting her condition, she has been able to understand how to help Bella and Anwar get through their own struggle. "I know the treatments, I know what they need and I can support them because I get what they're feeling," she shares, adding, "That's really the bottom line of fighting a disease like this is you don't get it until you get it, so you know, thankfully I've been through the journey and I can hopefully prevent them for ever getting as sick as I was."