Kevin's got a personal plan to save himself time in almost all his interactions: he shortens his speech to the fewest words possible. For example, when asked by Jim to reconcile some reports, Kevin replies, "Me do." Pam and Jim are concerned something's happened to their co-worker and suggest taking him to the hospital. The others chime in that this is just Kevin acting himself. In Andy's office, Kevin tries to explain that by saving a little bit of time in each conversation, he'll create huge amounts of free time later. Andy explains that the office has a "word code" just like a dress code - and Kevin is violating it. He protests but finally gives in for now. "When me president," he tells the camera, "They see, they see."
Dwight briefs the staff on a new product: the Sabre Pyramid tablet computer. It's clearly a clunker, but before the staff can protest much, Andy arrives with three ties draped over his arm. He needs his team's opinion on which tie to wear to impress the new CEO, Robert California. Erin interrupts to tell Darryl that his ex-wife called to say she'll be stopping by later. Apparently, old embers are still burning for Darryl and Justine.
Robert California has a message for Andy: he thinks the team can do better. He needs Andy to inspire his team. By way of demonstration, California addresses the whole office. He explains the superstores should have put them out of business - but they haven't. Why? It's the personal service. And that's the same reason why this team will succeed, he tells them. His speech is met with spontaneous applause. California pulls Andy aside and challenges him to truly lead his team. He tells Andy that last year's four percent sales growth won't be good enough; he wants Andy to double it to eight percent. Andy agrees, cautioning it may take some time. California leaves.
Andy tries to rally the troops, calling an informal rap session. They're distraught over the new sales target; Jim wants to know if Andy's got any new sales leads or territories that could help them. Andy's got no response and turns to Dwight, who ducks the conversation too. "Good sesh," Andy tells the team as he returns to his office. Darryl's ex, Justine arrives. An elated Darryl introduces her to the staff, then walks her back to his office and shuts the door.
Andy appeals privately to Dwight for help in boosting sales. But Dwight shuts him down. "You wanted the job, the job is yours, just DO the job," he blurts out.
Andy summons the team to the conference room to introduce his incentive plan. He unveils a table laden with various prizes: a teddy bear, the collected works of John Irving, binoculars, a vibrator, a sari. Andy explains that points are earned by selling and that they can be redeemed for prizes. Jim asks what happens if the team achieves a huge number of points. Andy's head swells, telling them for 100 points he'll wear a dress to work, for 500 points he'll run naked through the parking lot, and for 5000 points he'll let the staff tattoo whatever they want on his bottom.
Fired up by the incentive plan, the office immediately begins buzzing with sales activity. Everyone's on the phone, pitching clients, selling and taking orders. Andy notices the shift and asks Jim if it's his point system that's turned things around. Absolutely, Jim tells him, "We all want to see you get tattooed on your ass." Worried that his plan is working too well, Andy ducks into his office and calls an old college professor for advice - he wants to de-motivate the team.
Angela wanders past Pam's desk with a copy of Parenting magazine. She reminds Pam that it's important for pregnant women to take frequent walks. Pam accepts her invitation to walk with her.
The team keeps racking up the sales. Erin tracks their progress on a thermometer board. In a single day, they've hit the sales goal! Andy looks out from his office, terrified. To a cheering crowd, Pam shows a flip chart of possible tattoos for Andy's backside, such as "I'm not as think as you drunk I am" and "Do Not Resuscitate." Andy steps out to tell the team that there are some great new additions to the incentives list, including his car for 1000 points. The staff's not interested.
The whole office parades over to the local tattoo parlor. Pam asks the artist if he can ink their final choice: a baby coming out of Andy's butt. Sure, he tells them. Andy asks if anyone's got better ideas, but the team likes the design. Depressed, Andy steps outside for a minute to steel himself for the humiliation. Jim counsels him, telling him no one really expects him to go through with it. Andy confesses he doesn't know what he's doing as manager. But Jim reassures him the team's having fun and is getting the work done.
Andy finds a new resolve. "Let's ink my stink," he announces, as he ponies up to the tattoo table. He sheds his slacks and underpants and girds himself for the ensuing pain. Unseen by Andy, Pam approaches the tattoo artist with a new design. The tattooing begins, despite howls from Andy.
A celebratory team walks out of the parlor, all smiles. Andy stops to have a look at the new tattoo and discovers the new design. It's a smiling dog, wearing a sweater emblazoned with the name "NARD." Andy loves it, and the gang cheers.
Angela and Pam take a walk. Angela asks a hypothetical question about a pregnant co-worker who's drinking caffeine. Pam realizes Angela could only be talking about her and explains that it's really herbal tea. But Angela insists that there could be residual caffeine in the cup from her earlier coffee-drinking days. She's called Social Services. Pam suggests that maybe the two of them agree to have separate pregnancies instead of pretending to be in it together.