ER Episode 15.07 Heal Thyself

Banfield zones out on the bed in what used to be her son's bedroom, angry with Russell. She blames him for driving the conversation at last night's dinner party, but he claims she won't talk about "it" when they're alone. He doesn't blame her for what happened; Banfield just tries not to worry about who Russell blames.

Frank hands Gates homeless vet Max's records from the Wounded Warrior Project. Dubenko and Neela try their best to clear out the surgical boarders in the ER. Andrew's patient Bertha has been waiting for surgery for over 24 hours. She has lots of complaints, the least of which is the hospital jello is turning her poop red.

In managing intern Andrew, Neela resolves to loosen the reins a bit, but she snorts, finding him in the process of flirtatiously retrieving Bertha from the ladies' room. While out jogging on Lake Shore Drive, Banfield notices an ambulance rushing to an accident scene. Grandpa Luis frantically searches the icy water for three-year-old Valecia.

On rounds, Andrew presents Bertha's case. Her son, a Michigan college professor, noticed a benign cyst, and now she's scheduled for a thyroidectomy. Dubenko and Neela are satisfied, but Andrew keeps rattling off Bertha's systems, until Neela abruptly silences him.

After riding back to County in the ambulance with Valencia, Banfield flashes back to 2002, when she was much happier and enjoying a day in the park with Russell and their five-year-old son Daryl. Back in the present, Gates asks Banfield for her help in getting Max set up for a neurological exam. Despite her reluctance, Banfield caves to Gates' charm.

Gates confronts Max with his file. It turns out that after being wounded in a rocket attack, Max was discharged on a 5-13; the army claimed that his personality disorder originated pre-enlistment, and deprived him of subsequent care. Gates believes Max's problems derive from traumatic brain injury, and begs for a few hours to prove it.

Lost in the past, Banfield doesn't want to talk to Valecia's mom Sandra, who demands the truth. Banfield flashes back to 2002, as Daryl goes into a febrile seizure, something that happened once before. Russell wants to take him to the hospital, but Banfield insists he's safe. Back in the present, Banfield tells Sandra that she has to pull it together and stay calm. Being a mom is the best way to help Valecia.

Bertha crashes from a massive GI bleed. When Banfield asks if she complained of abdominal pain or blood in her rectum, Andrew says no. Andrew begins compressions as Banfield is called to attend to Valecia, who is having runs of v-tach. Her blood specimen clotted while languishing in the lab, and will have to be re-sent. Furious and emotional, Banfield wonders why she has to fight the same battles every day.

After 39 minutes, Dubenko pronounces Bertha dead. Neela tries to comfort upset Andrew; Bertha's diverticulosis was unforeseeable. Andrew admits that Bertha said something about red stool. When Neela demands to know why he didn't bring it up, Andrew angrily claims he tried, but nobody listened. After Neela huffs off, Banfield tells Andrew there's no way to be prepared for death, and he can't be a great doctor until he's killed a patient.

When Tracy informs them that there's no ECMO machine available for Valecia, Banfield wants to transfer her to another hospital, shocking Morris, who insists they work with what they have. Banfield flashes back: at home, Daryl sits up, vomiting blood. Gates brings her back to reality, asking for another favor. Now that he can prove Max's problem, he wants her to convince neuro to re-admit him. In the interim, Max flees the hospital.

Valecia's alarms sound. She's too cold to respond to the defibrillator. Banfield tells Tracy to get sterile to assist her with a thoracotomy. She's going to open Valecia's chest to flush her heart with warm saline. Sandra begs Banfield to do something else, but Banfield insists it's the only way, determined not to let Valecia slip away.

Once Valecia's chest is open, Banfield shocks her heart, but there's no change. Banfield flashes back to arriving at County with Daryl. In the middle of chemo, a weak Dr. Mark Greene attends to Darryl, who's hypoventilating. Banfield is an attending at a better hospital, and keeps trying to intervene, but Greene asks her to trust him. Is it possible that Daryl ingested something?

Banfield applies Greene's logic: could Valecia have ingested something? When Luis discovers that his blood pressure pills are gone, Banfield swings into action, administering calcium. Now they'll have to wait, giving Banfield another memory. By just looking at Daryl's blood sample in its tube, Greene and Banfield reach the same conclusion: Daryl has leukemia. They hook him up to a machine to remove excess white cells and settle in to wait.

After some time, Valecia warms up, as Daryl's white count goes through the rough. Banfield shocks Valecia's heart, while recalling Greene shocking her son's heart. Valecia pulls through, Daryl tragically doesn't. Banfield remains stoic and separate as Russell completely breaks down with grief.

Banfield sends Sandra to surgery to have her chest closed. Sandra thanks Banfield. There was a minute when Sandra thought she was going to lose everything; Banfield can't imagine what it felt like. Rather than bond, Banfield excuses herself, and looks into Trauma One, where she sees herself in 2002. Leaving Banfield alone with Daryl to wait for the coroner, Greene ducks out when Romano calls him into the hall.

Romano dresses Greene down for keeping the chemo suite open for an extra hour while he was tending to Daryl. When Greene tries to explain, Romano tells him to stop complaining; nobody told him to go get cancer. Before heading upstairs, Greene tells Banfield that per protocol she knows well, she's not allowed to extubate Daryl.

Banfield finds Morris in the break room, cracking open a beer from his secret stash. He saves them for amazing moments, and this is his third in five years. He asks Banfield what happened just now. He intuits that she is mourning a case she blew, one involving a kid. Angela confesses that her son died in Trauma One, shocking Morris -- how could Banfield work in the very same ER?

Banfield confesses she doesn't know why she's done anything since that day. Why did she not leave her apartment for two years -- until she took off for Thailand after the tsunami? Why did Daryl have leukemia? She's never understood any of it. For once, Morris doesn't know what to say. Banfield explains that there are orphans and widows, but there's no word for a person that's lost a child.

Banfield makes her way to the snowy, cold Riverwalk, where Greene finds her in 2002. Daryl had an atypical presentation of acute leukemia; nobody could have picked that up. Russell appears to collect Banfield and thank Greene. Telling Greene she "appreciates his effort," Banfield turns to leave, neglecting to take Russell's outstretched hand.

At home, Banfield finds Russell in the same position she was just this morning, lying on their son's bed. Russell admits that he resents Banfield for never having cried over the death of their son, and turns to leave. Banfield explains that she used to think every day that if God told her she could die to be with Daryl, she would abandon Russell to do so. She's been scared for so long; she doesn't want to be scared anymore. Finally, Banfield is able to cry over Daryl, letting Russell hold her.