Bones Episode 3.09 The Santa in the Slush

Two mall elves - a little person and a teenager - investigate an odd smell while on break and are horrified to find a dead and decaying Santa in the sewer.

Brennan visits Max in jail and says that for Christmas she's going to Peru to investigate 1500-year-old skeletons. Max wants to spend Christmas with his entire family, an unlikely prospect. Brennan soon finds that Booth also won't get to see his family this Christmas - his son Parker will be skiing in Vermont with Rebecca and her new boyfriend.

Dead Santa's skull shows a strong blow, and well-fed maggots show there was a lot of food around. The Santa suit is real ermine, not department store issue, and he smoked a real clay pipe. Zack thinks kids who believe in Santa are stupid. Angela's facial reconstruction shows... Santa. What? That's what he looked like. The squints playfully begin to suggest that this is the real Santa.

Brennan visits Russ in jail and suggests that he could spend Christmas with Max, Amy and the kids in a conjugal trailer. Russ says that can't happen - the girls believe he's overseas working.

The dents on the skull are from a cloven hoof - a kick from a reindeer? He's got a calcium deficiency consistent with a high-meat diet, like those at the North Pole might subsist on. He's ID'd as Kristopher Kringle - that's his legal name. Booth and Brennan go to his home, and find he lived above a toy store; his apartment is a winter wonderland with a toy train and Christmas music playing; the fridge is stocked with nothing but milk and cookies. There's a photo of Kringle with a reindeer, and his closet is stocked with nothing but Santa suits. In a drawer, though, they find a false bottom hiding thousands of dollars in cash - most of them rumpled small bills, but there are also eight brand-new fiftys with sequential serial numbers. The landlord, Ralph Harley, shows them the lease, on which Kris' previous address is written: the North Pole.

Harley accepted it because who else would live above a toy store? And he paid first and last month in cash. He always paid cash. He worked at "Temp Time" and always paid rent on time until the last couple of months. He admits he and Kris fell out over a toy Kris invented and Harley patented.

Brennan unburdens about Russ; Booth tells her that it's okay to lie to kids sometimes. Like with Santa Claus. Booth thinks she should get Russ civvies for the Christmas visit so the kids won't have to know he's in jail. Brennan doesn't believe in lying to children.

The actual cause of Kris' death is determined to be a blow to the head, and not from a reindeer. From something crescent shaped.

At the Temp Time agency, Booth and Brennan find that Kris was beloved by all the other Santas there; he was an inspiration. Dale, the owner, cashed Kris' checks for him - no bank account. Kris was the only Santa who worked year-round - except on Christmas Eve itself, his "special night."

The maggots found on Kris show signs of an acid found in an ingredient in Bird's Nest Soup, a rare Chinese delicacy. Traces of the soup are also found on Santa's pants, on the rear.

Brennan goes to Caroline Julian to ask for the trailer for her dad; Booth warns him that she'll want something in return. And indeed, she agrees (though the warden says no Christmas trees - the stars are shiv material) - but only if she'll kiss Booth. Under the mistletoe. On the lips. For a good five seconds. Why? Because she has a puckish side that will not be denied.

Booth and Hodgins visit the only Chinese restaurant in town that serves Bird's Nest Soup. Hodgins finds identical maggots in the dumpster - as well as a bunch of empty wallets. Kris must have been a pickpocket. There's also a sewer grate by the dumpster.

Booth meets with Parker, who wants to spend Christmas with his dad and doesn't understand why he can't come to Vermont with them. Parker asks if Booth will be all alone; Booth lies and says he'll be with Brennan and all his friends. Brennan says she'll be in Peru. Booth, annoyed at her, says that's right, they're all going to Peru.

Santa Jeff from the temp agency, who has a black eye, fingers mall guard Marty Moussa as the guy he fought with, who accused him of lifting his wallet. Kris had also been working in the area. Moussa, who insists Santa Jeff is the pickpocket and not Kris, says when he confronted Santa about the stolen wallet - the 900 bucks inside was his Christmas money for his family - he just bopped the guy on the nose. There was no rolling around. And it didn't happen in the alley behind the Chinese restaurant, it happened in front of a big box store. It turns out that Moussa's paycheck had been cashed in fifties - with the same serial numbers as those found in Kris' apartment.

Brennan hangs mistletoe and tells Booth about her deal with Caroline Julian. Caroline arrives and the pair kiss - more passionately than expected. Caroline seems flabbergasted. Brennan says it was like kissing her brother. Caroline says she must really like her brother, then says the trailer is all arranged. She leaves. Brennan and Booth spend a very awkward moment together, not knowing what to say, then make their excuses and get back to the investigation.

The duo meet with Dr. Sweets at the diner, who says that yes, it's okay to lie to children in some cases - "to allow children that transient experience of innocence and joy, it's our responsibility." Brennan says she finds this helpful, and goes to Russ, excited to find that it's not morally wrong to lie at Christmas. She convinces him to go with the civvies deception. He says she should be there; Dad wants them all together. Brennan says she needs to be on the plane to Peru.

Angela and Hodgins, while discussing spending Christmas together, find traces of brass plating in Kris' skull. This turns out to be a brass bell. Kris was attacked by another Santa. Booth and Brennan go back to Temp Time and find that all the Santa's bells are identical. Santa Jeff resists inspection; they find his bell is chipped.

But that doesn't prove anything - the Santas mix up and exchange their bells all the time. Booth has a theory - they know that many of these Santas owed Kris money. Maybe one of them tried to pay it back by pickpocketing Moussa. Kris got suspicious as to where the money came from, confronted the pickpocket, caught him dumping wallets in the alley behind the Chinese place, they fought and rolled around, and then Kris was killed and thrown in the sewer grate.

All the Santas are forced to line up and assume the position - so that Booth and Brennan can smell their rears, searching for the distinctive aroma of Bird's Nest Soup. Booth officially declares this the worst Christmas ever. Santa Jeff's rear smells of Bird's Nest Soup. As soon as the other Santas realize that Jeff's the guilty party, they jump on him and start pummeling him. Booth stops them; as he arrests Jeff and leads him away, the enraged Santas menacingly sing "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" at him.

That night, everyone has a happy Christmas. The squints exchange gifts. Moussa gets his Christmas money back. Booth finds that he gets to spend Christmas Eve with Parker after all - Parker ran away, and a cop brought him to Booth's office. Booth assures a relieved Rebecca that Parker will be back with her in time for them to go to Vermont. Brennan is contemplating her ticket to Peru, but instead joins her family in the trailer.

Brennan and Max both agree that this is the best Christmas they've had in sixteen years. And then Booth calls, not only with the happy news about Parker, but also to tell her to open the curtains. And outside, across the street from the jail, Booth and Parker stand with a brightly lit Christmas tree. The Brennan family gets a tree after all. Brennan says she loves her gift, and Booth wishes her a Merry Christmas.

But that doesn't prove anything - the Santas mix up and exchange their bells all the time. Booth has a theory - they know that many of these Santas owed Kris money. Maybe one of them tried to pay it back by pickpocketing Moussa. Kris got suspicious as to where the money came from, confronted the pickpocket, caught him dumping wallets in the alley behind the Chinese place, they fought and rolled around, and then Kris was killed and thrown in the sewer grate.

All the Santas are forced to line up and assume the position - so that Booth and Brennan can smell their rears, searching for the distinctive aroma of Bird's Nest Soup. Booth officially declares this the worst Christmas ever. Santa Jeff's rear smells of Bird's Nest Soup. As soon as the other Santas realize that Jeff's the guilty party, they jump on him and start pummeling him. Booth stops them; as he arrests Jeff and leads him away, the enraged Santas menacingly sing "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" at him.

That night, everyone has a happy Christmas. The squints exchange gifts. Moussa gets his Christmas money back. Booth finds that he gets to spend Christmas Eve with Parker after all - Parker ran away, and a cop brought him to Booth's office. Booth assures a relieved Rebecca that Parker will be back with her in time for them to go to Vermont. Brennan is contemplating her ticket to Peru, but instead joins her family in the trailer.

Brennan and Max both agree that this is the best Christmas they've had in sixteen years. And then Booth calls, not only with the happy news about Parker, but also to tell her to open the curtains. And outside, across the street from the jail, Booth and Parker stand with a brightly lit Christmas tree. The Brennan family gets a tree after all. Brennan says she loves her gift, and Booth wishes her a Merry Christmas.