AceShowbiz - Shannon Beador, 60, was horrified when she first saw a selfie of herself covered in blood after her DUI arrest. "I didn't want to see myself that way, and I didn't want anyone else to see me that way either," she tells PEOPLE. Despite her initial reluctance, Beador decided to share the photo with her costar Heather Dubrow this season.

Beador explains that she knew the photo would circulate online, but she was willing to take the risk. "When someone Googles my name probably for the rest of my life, that's what they'll see: my face, covered in blood, from the night that easily marked the lowest point of my entire life," she says.

The reality star was arrested in Newport Beach after crashing her car into a planter box attached to a house. Her blood alcohol level was three times the legal limit. She was sentenced to three years of probation, 40 hours of community service, and a nine-month alcohol program.

Looking back on the accident, Beador admits, "I deserved to get hurt. I made a very stupid choice. I could have killed someone." She adds, "I don't want it to appear that I'm taking any of this lightly, because there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about it."

In a preview for Thursday's premiere of "The Real Housewives of Orange County" season 18, Beador shows Dubrow the photo and confesses to having an argument with her ex-boyfriend before the crash. She also discusses her alcohol consumption, claiming to be a "two drink max person right now."

Fellow housewives including Emily Simpson and Tamra Judge are shown expressing concerns about Beador's drinking, prompting an emotional response from her. "I'm done with people saying I'm the drunk that needs help, because I am not. I had a really bad night," she says.

Beador's accident has become a central storyline for Season 18, with the cast discussing her alcohol intake behind her back. Despite the criticism, Beador insists, "This doesn't define my life. It's going to define a new chapter: the beginning of a new chapter in my life."