Beanie Feldstein Shares Her View of Grief in Moving Essay About Brother's Death

A little over a year after she and Jonah Hill lost Jordan Feldstein pulmonary embolism, the 'Lady Bird' actress opens up for the first time about the pain she experienced from his unexpected passing.

AceShowbiz - Actress Beanie Feldstein has opened up about the death of her and Jonah Hill's brother Jordan Feldstein for the first time in a moving magazine essay.

The "Lady Bird" star and "Superbad" actor lost their oldest sibling, Maroon 5's manager Jordan, in December 2017, when he passed away unexpectedly from a pulmonary embolism at the age of 40.

Beanie, 25, has opened up about the loss she has experienced in an essay titled "Grief Glasses" for InStyle magazine.

"Grief is just impossible. It cannot be contained or summarised or enclosed," she wrote. "To describe the wound grief leaves if you have not experienced it is to come to it hazy and out of focus."

"In this past year, I have learned an immeasurable amount about the bandwidth of my own heart. The pain is so unbearable at times, so unremitting. Yet, in addition to the deluge of feelings leaking out of me at all times, I have found the process of grief (because it is and will always be a process, never finished, never concluded) to be just as resonant in my mind as it is in my heart."

The "Booksmart" star, whose real name is Elizabeth, went on to call Jordan "a remarkably generous, intelligent, loving person," before describing grief as a pair of glasses she can never take off.

"Sometimes I can push the glasses to the end of my nose so I can peer over them to see the world the way I used to see. But I can only see over or around to my old perspective. I can never see it totally as it was ever again."

"That is the aspect of grief I had no idea was coming. This monumental shift in perspective. Not only does the world become so much deeper and more painful, but sometimes unbelievably alive with joy and gratitude."

"And while I wish I could rip my grief glasses off my face and have it all be a dream, I try to recognise what the glasses have given me: that unique blend of humanity that is simultaneously the darkest dark and the brightest bright."

While promoting his directorial debut "Mid90s", Jonah, 35, said on "The Howard Stern Show" last year that he didn't like to talk about it because it was too painful, but he missed Jordan and wishes he was still here.

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