Morning in the Smith household. Hayley yells at her brother Steve to be quiet, and he mocks her for needing quiet to study for a community college test. Mom Francine intervenes, which talking fish Klaus finds to be incredibly hot. Klaus, you see, has the brain of a German athlete. Patriarch Stan comes down for breakfast, followed closely by Roger, a fat alien who the family has to keep a secret.
Stan warns the family that the nation is at terror alert orange, so they'd better stay sharp. Liberal Hayley complains that the terror alert system is just a way to keep the masses paralyzed in fear. Steve announces that he plans to ask out Lisa Silver, the hottest cheerleader in his school. After Roger's chair breaks, Francine decides to put him on a diet.
At school, Steve makes his move, but Lisa punches him in the face. On the way home, Steve sees a guy pick up a chick who likes his dog. He decides he needs a dog. Stan doesn't go for a dog at first, but Francine talks him into it. Later, Stan shows up with a dog from the pound. The dog is 19 years old and minutes from death.
That night, Roger is desperately searching the kitchen for snack treats when he accidentally knocks over a glass. Hearing the noise, Stan heads downstairs with his gun to make sure Osama bin Laden isn't invading the house. In the dark, Stan shoots and kills Steve's new/old dog. The next day, while burying the dog, Steve laments that he'll never get a girl. Bragging that he's a fantastic ladies man, Stan volunteers to help his son. They head to the mall. Stan plans on snatching a girl's purse, so Steve can tackle him. But after grabbing it, Stan's instincts kick in and he barges through the mall and escapes to safety.
Back home, Roger overhears Hayley's boyfriend asking her to hang out. Problem is, she has a term paper due. Roger offers to do her papers in exchange for snack foods. Downstairs, Stan is holding Hilary Duff hostage to eat dinner with Steve, but she runs out. Stan is baffled by Steve's struggles to get a chick, but Roger points out that Steve isn't nearly as powerful as Stan. So Stan decides to rig the high school election and get Steve in as president. Steve wins easily.
Hayley gives Roger a poli-sci paper to do in exchange for some churros. Steve, meanwhile, lands a date with Lisa Silver thanks to his newfound power. Which he quickly begins to abuse, taking over the principal's office and bossing people around. Morning comes, and Roger awakes to find that he never started Hayley's paper because of a sugar crash. Roger has Hayley show her teacher Steve's dead dog, getting herself an extension.
School isn't all great, though, as Lisa Silver refuses to kiss Steve. Turns out she's only using him for the associated power. Enraged, Steve bans any PDA in the school. Stan gets a call from the school principal that his son is mad with power. Stan storms the school, dropping in through the roof to talk to his son. After Stan shows Steve an ugly picture of himself in high school, Steve feels better about his looks. Stan also has Lisa Silver and her family deported.