Liz is surprised to see Criss dressed and ready to go in the morning. He's taking his hot dog van to a parade to make big money. Liz reminds him she can pay for their upcoming renovation plans to add a nursery. Liz wonders aloud if they're even going to need a nursery. Criss shakes his head, feeling Liz is already bailing on him. Liz defends herself. "I don't bail. I'm still watching Smash!" Criss is determined to go out there and show Liz what he can do.
Hazel has recently been evicted and suggests that she might stay with Liz for a year or so. Liz declines. Jenna is glad to see Hazel suffering and mentions she can't wait to read her obituary: Least Famous Person in the World Dies! Later, Kenneth is crying because he didn't get back into the NBC page program. Hazel tells him to stop whining. At least he has a place to live. Kenneth decides Hazel can stay with him. "I don't mean it, I nice it!"
Jack asks Liz to perform his and Avery's vow renewal ceremony. Liz is hesitant: she believes the couple should resolve their issues first. Jack assures Liz that everyone's fine. But later in the studio, Jack watches Avery and her fellow hostage Scott Scotsman being interviewed. Jack notices they're both tapping their fingers on their chairs. Jack runs back to his office and pulls up old fake news footage from North Korea. Again, Scott and Avery were constantly tapping their fingers during the broadcast. Jack figures it out... it's a code!
Dotcom and Grizz are disappointed that Tracy's won Man of the Year from the Journal of the Aryan Patriot Party. His friends tell him he's supposed to be making the black community look good and this makes them look bad. They bring in Dr. Cornel West who teaches African-American studies at Princeton to help. Dr. West asks Tracy whom his black role models were growing-up: Darth Vader, black ninjas, and black licorice he tried to fashion in the shape of his dad. Dr. West concludes Tracy needs to visit a civil rights museum to find his own black role model.
As Avery enters Jack's office, Jack begins tapping his fingers in code on the chair. Realizing she's been caught, Avery says she can explain. Jack goes over the list of sweet nothings they tapped to each other during the news broadcasts. Avery claims she and Scott never did touch, though she did develop some feelings - he was the only other person who knew what she was going through. Unsettled, Jack ratchets back his confrontational tone. They may have some issues, they agree, but they're not quitters!
Liz notices a plant in a baby carriage on the set and instantly fantasizes about raising a plant as her own child. Inspired to call Criss, Liz discovers he's in trouble at the parade: he's brought pork hot dogs into a Jewish neighborhood. Liz tells Criss again that he doesn't need to go to such lengths to prove his worthiness. Criss tells her there are three types of never-been-married women in their 40s: uggos, crazies and bailers. He isn't going to give her a reason to bail on him.
Hazel and Kenneth are acting like best friends around the office now that they're roomies. Jenna accuses Hazel of manipulating, lying and doing whatever it takes to get what she wants. Jenna doesn't understand her angle with Kenneth and warns Hazel to keep him out of her plan. Hazel claims to not have an angle and says she's already taken care of Kenneth. What does she mean?
Before the vow renewal ceremony, Liz sees that Diana has already had too much to drink. Diana asks Liz if, as the ceremony's officiant, she's planning on the whole "speak now or forever hold your peace" part. When Liz says yes, Diana throws back more alcohol saying this is going to be a mess. Scott Scotsman comes up to Liz and asks the same question. Even Kim Jong Il, who appears to be at the ceremony, asks the question. Liz approaches Jack and Avery to offer getting rid of the "speak now" section, but they insist she go forward with the ceremony as it's written.
Tracy walks through the civil rights museum with Dotcom and Grizz. They can't believe Tracy hasn't found anyone there who's inspired him. Finally, Tracy thinks he's found it after he sees his reflection in a display case for Rosa Parks' dress. Tracy loves movies where a black man plays a big old black women saying things like "Sweet child, sit your black butt down." His friends are distressed: that's exactly the type of depiction they're looking to avoid. Undeterred, Tracy decides to open his own studio and exclusively release Tyler Perry movies.
Jenna grabs Kenneth at the ceremony and shows him his rejected page application form. Kenneth realizes it's not the form he filled out; Hazel has forged it to make him look like a fraud! Jenna explains Hazel sabotaged Kenneth so he wouldn't become a threat. Understanding Hazel is a meany pants, Kenneth heads to confront Hazel for trying to destroy him. Hazel admits she intended to crush him... until she fell in love! Hazel kisses him - but Kenneth tells her to never do that again. Then Kenneth kisses her and they start making out.
While fretting about the ceremony, Liz sees news footage of a bank robber with Criss' hot dog van shown as the getaway vehicle. Liz finds Criss to let him know she'll take the fall and say she did it. Criss explains that he didn't rob any bank. He sold the van this morning to a nice guy on meth. Liz is touched Criss would sell the van for her. Criss corrects her and says he sold it "for us." Grasping that she was willing to go to prison for him, Criss realizes that Liz is no bailer.
Liz gets to the "speak now or forever hold your peace" part in the ceremony. Diana's passed out drunk; Scott almost stands up but doesn't, and Kim Jong Il decides he just wants Avery to be happy. With no one speaking up, Jack and Avery both turn to the crowd to admonish them. How can they stay silent when there's so much to object to? Avery's in love with Scott; Jack kissed Avery's mom, and the only reason they got married was because Avery was pregnant. They stayed together because they're both so afraid of failure. Avery asks Liz to divorce them, and she does by the power vested in her by the website instaminister.
Criss is starting the remodel on the apartment. Liz comments the room would make a nice place for a baby. Criss notes she said baby instead of plant and they smile. Now say man cave, he tells her. "Never!" she replies. The doorbell rings and Jack walks in to deliver Liz's thank you present: a remote control holder disguised as a book. Liz tells Jack she and Criss are planning on having a baby; she wants Jack's advice. Jack confesses he's a disaster and in no position to offer advice to anyone. Liz asks for it anyway, so he begins sharing Jack Donaghy's 25 Pillars of Motherhood.