AceShowbiz - Backstreet Boys star AJ McLean is determined to soldier on in his sobriety journey for the sake of his family, despite recognising his weakness as a "chronic relapser."
The pop star, who has been open about his substance abuse battle in the past, celebrated one year sober in December (20), and admits it's always been a struggle for him to stay on the right path.
"I can do short bursts (of sobriety) and I'm OK," he shared on the "Recovering from Reality" podcast. "Because even when I would relapse, I wouldn't go on a bender."
"I am a chronic relapser, but I've never gone for like a month straight of just drinking and partying. It's been like one night and then I'm sober for a week or two. And then it's one night. It was always back and forth."
McLean reveals his addiction to alcohol would take hold of him while on the road with the "I Want It That Way" hitmakers, but it wouldn't affect his onstage performances, because he would always "black out, fall asleep and wake up as if nothing ever happened."
The singer cites his personal insecurities for his drinking troubles earlier on in life, but now he's "finally comfortable" in his own skin, he knows the only people he needs to please are his wife Rochelle, and their two daughters, Ava, eight, and three-year-old Lyric.
"I am at a place now where I don't give a s**t what you think about me," he confessed. "I am the person I am for all the reasons and all the life lessons that I've learned and will continue to learn."
"I can look at myself in the mirror and be more confident before I leave the house," he continued. "And I can tell myself in the morning how grateful I am for this, this, and this. For the most unbelievable wife putting up with my s**t for 11 years. And then having two gorgeous kids that are just my lifeline."
And when he feels his resolve wavering, he just has to look at a Winston Churchill quote tattooed on his neck in reverse so he can view it clearly in the mirror.
The quote reads, "If you're going through hell, keep going."
"That is how I live my life today," he explained. "There's going to be s**tty times, but you gotta keep going. You can't go backwards. You gotta keep pressing forward."