AceShowbiz - Melanie Brown a.k.a. Mel B gets real in her upcoming memoir "Brutally Honest". The British singer and the "America's Got Talent" judge details her terrifying suicide attempt, cocain addiction as well as her roller-coaster marriage to Stephen Belafonte.
According to Daily Mail, the 43-year-old writes, "I know what it's like to be beaten down. I know what it's like to be punched, humiliated, isolated and to feel there is no way out except suicide."
"I can't pretend I'm not living in some twisted, violent hell. My life is a mess and I want out," the Scary Spice adds. "I was at rock bottom ... I was exhausted, worn down by seven years of constant emotional abuse, mind games, degradation, threats and sexual exploitation. I was drinking too much -- wine, vodka, tequila -- and had lost all self-respect. I was lost."
She allegedly shares in the book that she attempted to take down her life on December 11, 2014, just days before the "The X-Factor" final. It was described that she was looking at the huge mirror in the en-suite of her rented house in Kensington, in west London. She reportedly felt tears running down her cheek while she held an opened bottle of aspirin in her hand. "As each pill goes into my mouth, I ask myself, 'Are you sure?' And I take another one. Ten, twenty, fifty. One hundred. 'Are you sure?' " she writes.
The star opens up in the memoir that her fame and success didn't really help her feel better, if anything it made her feel "trapped in the vice of my own celebrity image." She details, "All smiles on the outside, misery and self-loathing on the inside, always telling the world how happy I was, when really all I ever wanted was to scream for help."
Mel B seemingly was so determined that she event began to scrawl a heart-breaking suicide note to her eldest daughter Phoenix. Fortunately, she snapped back to reality after the thought of her girls, Madison and Angel, sleeping next door came to mind.
As for how Stephen reacted during that moment, Mel B claimed that he was less than sympathetic to her despite the fact that she already swallowed 200 pills. She also said that Stephen even tried to stop her from going to hospital. According to the singer, he rammed the door back, slamming her head and shoulders between the crack in the bathroom door. That led to the bruises she sported on her face and shoulder that everyone saw on television at the "X-Factor" final.
Besides her suicide attempt, she also talked about her love in doing threesomes with her husband sometimes filming their sex session. "The threesome was my idea but of course my then husband was well up for it...I don't think it's shameful to experiment - as long as it is all consensual - and I believe women can enjoy and initiate sex just as much (if not a whole lot more) than men," she says in the book. "I made a call and a friend of mine came over. We had a lot of champagne and a lot of fun. I fell asleep happy because we'd fulfilled a fantasy."
Mel B claimed she would go to L.A. party girls or lap-dancers before trying to get celebrities in the "sex web." Some girls like Lady Victoria Hervey was down with her idea, while others including Rita Ora declined.
"Brutally Honest" is set to hit the shelves on November 27.