Episode PremiereApril 25, 2012
Show Period2012 - 2012
Production CompanyUniversal Media Studios, American Work. St. Clair
Jessica looks over Joe's shoulder as he views his Facebook page. Suddenly Jessica sees photos of her ex-husband and a girl with short bangs having fun on a beach. "Click back to that!" Jessica screams at Joe as he desperately tries to change the subject. "Is a professional photographer traveling with them?!" Jessica screams as they click through intimate and gorgeously framed photos. Lennon asks Joe why he's still friends with Peter. "I've been de-friended before and I can tell you, it is not pleasant," he responds. Jessica declares that if her ex-husband is already out there humping people, then she should too; "Joe, change my status to single and loving it!"
Jessica and Joe wake up each other with a good morning kiss. "Remember before Jessica lived here and we used to have sex?" Joe asks a giddy Lennon. They decide to seize the moment and have morning sex until Jessica barges into the bedroom. She is hyped up as it only took eight hours from changing her Facebook status to single before she had a gentleman caller poking her, "Keith 'meaty calves' Kazakian." Jessica sits down on the bed with Joe and Lennon, not knowing that they are naked under the covers and vows to go full throttle back into her love life and ask Keith out on a date.
Joe sits with Rav at a restaurant complaining about Jessica and eating delicious gyros; "it's like she has a superpower about knowing when we're about to have sex so she can barge in." Joe takes a big mouthful of the gyro and moans from its deliciousness; since he can't have sex, the gyro has become his only pleasure. Soon Daphne the waitress, who Rav has been dating, walks over with a pot of coffee. Rav apologizes for not calling her back; he lost his cell phone. Daphne doesn't believe him and pours the coffee all over their gyros and then bans them from the restaurant. Joe is devastated, no sex AND no gyros!
Jessica tries on clothes for her date with Keith Kazakian while Lennon and Queenetta watch and advise. Jessica hates everything she tries on as Q advises she might need to put Spanx on top of Spanx; "if you want to close the deal, you need to tighten it up." Jessica flops onto the bed in defeat; maybe she isn't ready to date again. Lennon tells her she's wrong; her forte is connecting with people, but Jessica feels it's a skill that has passed her by.
Jessica wears a sexy red dress as she meets Keith for dinner. They relive and laugh about their days in college and seem to have an instant connection. As Keith excuses himself for the bathroom, Jessica picks up her phone where Lennon and Joe have been eavesdropping. "I think I'm about to be Keith'ed!" Jessica excitedly says as Lennon gives her the green light to go full throttle. Back at the apartment, Joe is excited that Jessica's date is going well because it means Lennon and he will finally have time to have sex. Joe quickly turns on '80s glam rock music and jumps on Lennon, but as he looks up he finds photos of Jessica staring at him.
Keith arrives back to the table and warns Jessica that they need to hurry up and close the deal before he arrives home late to his wife. Jessica is shocked; she didn't know he was married! Back at the apartment, Joe and Lennon have finished hiding all the pictures of Jessica and are now pants-less on the kitchen table starting to make out. Things are getting hot and heavy as Jessica suddenly barges in, interrupting them once again. "He didn't have to be charming; I was a done deal!" Jessica exclaims as she dumps her purse full of condoms.
"Lennon and I are never going to have sex again," Joe tells Rav as they stand outside the gyro restaurant. Soon Queenetta walks up and tells them that their plan to pay her in exchange for getting gyros did not work out. Daphne saw them standing outside and refused to serve Q the takeout goods. Q then asks for the money they owe her but Rav refuses; "your job was to procure the gyros and you failed!" "No sir!" Q sassily responds back. "I am not paid for results. I'm paid for my time." Rav reluctantly gives Queenetta the money.
Jessica and Lennon are at a bar trying to pick up men, but every guy they talk to tries to get Lennon's number instead of Jessica's. She retreats to Rav and asks him why she's become "such a boner repellent." He tells Jessica that she needs to relax; guys can tell she's high-strung, and it's an instant turn off. Soon a young guy that looks like Jason Bourne walks up and asks to buy Jessica a drink. Later, Jessica tells Lennon and Joe that her young gentleman has invited her to a party at a country estate in New Jersey. Joe excitedly tells Jessica to go with the kid because it will mean he can finally have uninterrupted sex with his gal.
"I can't believe this is finally happening," Joe excitedly says as he enters the apartment and quickly tries to pull off his clothes. Lennon walks up wearing a sexy negligee. "It was my grandmother's," Lennon proudly tells Joe who is instantly turned off. "What? We have the same body," Lennon responds. As they get back into making out, Lennon's cell phone rings to Joe's irritation. It's Jessica, and she tells them about the party she's at and how everyone is treating her like a glamorous lady. "Oh, looks like the party is shifting into a safari theme," Jessica says as Joe suddenly realizes she's at a Cougar Ball, a new fraternity fad where guys try to hook up with the hottest cougar. "Stay where you are, we are coming to get you!" Joe tells Jessica.
At the Cougar Ball, Jessica looks around and finally realizes why there are so many cougar related items at the party. She confronts her date about the predicament as other guys showcase their cougar catch. As Jessica runs out of the ball, her date catches up and apologizes. He just thought she was beautiful, and he just knew if he could get her to come, she could win Queen Cougar. "This is definitely the weirdest night in my life," Jessica says as she walks back in determined to win Queen Cougar and get a good story out of the experience.
Later at the party, Jessica is taking up the dance floor as Joe and Lennon barge in and stop the party. Jessica calms Lennon down and explains how at first she was hurt, but then she went with it and is having the time of her life. "There's endless champagne; I keep getting lifted up in a chair, which you know is a dream of mine since I'm not Jewish... and word on the street is I might actually win this thing!" Lennon relents to her objections as the music is turned back up and everyone takes to the dance floor.
Joe takes over the DJ station and pumps the party up with his '80s glam rock as he finds Lennon on the dance floor and starts grooving things up. Soon Jessica learns the disheartening news that she has been disqualified from the cougar contest; she is too young. "Only thing better than being crowned Queen Cougar is being told you're too young to be Queen Cougar," Jessica says with a satisfied smile.
The next day, Jessica is looking at photos from the Cougar Ball on Facebook and tries to show Lennon and Joe but finds their bedroom door locked. "Are you doing it right now?" Jessica asks in disgust. Instead of a response, all Jessica hears is '80s rock being blasted from the bedroom.