Love Bites Episode 1.05 Stand and Deliver

While on a break from his job at his dad Hal's trophy shop, lovelorn Sam plays a baseball video game in the back. Unable to get over a recent breakup, Sam's been engraving the name of his ex, Prudence, on all the trophies. Sam insists that he didn't break up with Prudence; he's merely on a break from relationships. Advising Sam to get a Plan B, Hal offers the perfect medicine: watching Sam's favorite ballplayer and all-time hero Dante Evans play a game on TV. Dante hits a walk-off home run, then heads for the stands to make out with a blond who looks just like Prudence... and in fact, it is Prudence! Devastated, Sam confronts Prudence outside her office building the next day. Not only did she break his heart, but now she has to date his hero? Really?

Prudence never meant to hurt Sam, but she does believe he had a hand in bringing her together with Dante. She went to a book signing to get a signed copy of Dante's autobiography for Sam as a parting gift. Because Sam was such a fan, Prudence knew all about Dante, and they hit it off. She ended things with Sam because he watches life from the sidelines; he's not a do-er. The moment is broken when Dante pulls up in his gaudy sports car. Prudence introduces Sam, but he can barely speak. Later, Sam relays the incident to Hal, adding that Dante invited him to dinner. How can Sam have dinner with the man who's playing slap and tickle with Prudence?! Hal reminds his son that women come and go, but heroes are forever. Sam decides he's up to the challenge, but he can't go alone...

The next night, Sam and his date - Hal - have dinner with Dante and Prudence. Prudence prompts Dante to give Sam the gift he brought: a duffle bag with a bat autographed by the whole team and a bottle of Dante's new soft drink. Dante gets a text message - he just booked a commercial! Overwhelmed by the disparity between Dante's good life and his own, Sam excuses himself from the table without offering an excuse, then drinks in a dark corner. Later, when Prudence checks in on him, Sam asks if she's happy. When she confirms she is, he admits the better man won her heart. Prudence insists that Dante isn't better, just different, then returns to the table.

On his way back to the table, Sam sees Dante palming the hostess' ass and telling her to text him later for a hookup. When Sam asks why he's cheating, Dante insists Prudence knows "the deal." Sam insists Dante tell her the truth or he will, so Dante challenges Sam, asking who Prudence is more likely to believe, her loser of an ex-boyfriend or him? Disgusted, Sam claims he used to defend Dante when people called him a self-absorbed, washed-up 'roid freak with a hole in his swing the size of Chicago. But Dante's no hero, he's a joke. Dante gets in Sam's face, insisting there's no hole in his swing. A guy at the bar confirms the hole-in-the-swing theory, betting Sam can strike out Dante. Sam steps up to the challenge. If he strikes out Dante in one at-bat, Dante has to come clean with Prudence. If he loses, Sam has to disappear from Prudence's life for good. Sam wants to get it over with, so Dante suggests a "little park" right around the corner.

Sam walks into the so-called "little park," only to realize he's in a giant pro stadium. Sam and Dante empty their pockets while trash talking each other. Sam asks Prudence to hold his cell phone, explaining that there might be some important "trophy-related" emergency calls coming in. Sam steps up to the mound, winds up and throws his first pitch - it's way off. On the next pitch, Dante makes solid contact, but it goes foul. Hal calls for a time-out to give Sam a pep talk, reminding him that he's not on the sidelines anymore, he's on the mound. Win or lose, he's got a trophy waiting for him at home that reads "participant." With renewed confidence, Sam throws a hardball. Dante drills a line drive into Sam's chest, knocking the wind out of him.

Prudence and Hal rush to the mound. Sam insists he's fine, but Hal thinks he may have a collapsed lung. Just then, Prudence digs Sam's phone out of her purse - he's got a text. But it's not Sam's phone - it's Dante's. Prudence reads the text, a suggestive message from the hostess at the restaurant. Dante tries to play it off, but Prudence is no dummy. As Sam and Hal walk off the field, Hal guesses Sam gave Prudence Dante's phone on purpose. Sam comments that it never hurts to have a Plan B. A few days later, Sam finishes up his last day of work at Hal's trophy shop. He's got a new job in the mailroom at Sports Illustrated. Prudence stops by to check on Sam and share the news that she's done with Dante. For his part, Sam's been making some life changes, which he'd love to discuss over a drink sometime. On the way out, Prudence tosses Sam the ball that stuck out Dante Evans.

Out looking at houses with Chad, their real estate agent, Judd and Colleen pull up to a beautiful home and quickly fall in love. Judd goes crazy for the yard, and Colleen thinks the kitchen is amazing. Chad points to an outdoor grill, and Judd rushes outside to check it out. As Colleen continues to examine the kitchen, a disturbed look settles on her face. Recognizing the look, Chad asks Colleen what's wrong. She blurts out that she thinks she had sex in the house, which Chad thinks is no big deal - who hasn't had sex everywhere? But Colleen feels like she should tell Judd. Chad advises Colleen to wait for a more appropriate time and place - like Judd's deathbed. Unable to contain his enthusiasm, Judd knocks on the window. They are so buying this house!

Later that night, Judd tells Colleen that he's already named the house - Rouscher Meadows. He can't stop talking about how great it is and how much he wants it. Colleen snaps, confessing she had sex in the house. Judd doesn't get it at first, insisting that they've never been in that house before. Then it all sinks in. Colleen assures Judd that it was a long time ago, after a Simple Minds concert, and it meant nothing. But Judd's hung up. Colleen insists that the guy in the house was nothing more than a paragraph in the book of her life and Judd has chapters. They should buy the house and write a whole bunch more. Judd agrees.

Out looking at houses with Chad, their real estate agent, Judd and Colleen pull up to a beautiful home and quickly fall in love. Judd goes crazy for the yard, and Colleen thinks the kitchen is amazing. Chad points to an outdoor grill, and Judd rushes outside to check it out. As Colleen continues to examine the kitchen, a disturbed look settles on her face. Recognizing the look, Chad asks Colleen what's wrong. She blurts out that she thinks she had sex in the house, which Chad thinks is no big deal - who hasn't had sex everywhere? But Colleen feels like she should tell Judd. Chad advises Colleen to wait for a more appropriate time and place - like Judd's deathbed. Unable to contain his enthusiasm, Judd knocks on the window. They are so buying this house!

The next day, Judd tells Dan about his dilemma. Dan advises Judd not to buy the house because it's sexually haunted; Judd has to put his foot down. But Colleen's in love with the house - there's nothing Judd can do. Dan suggests that there is one thing he can do - a sexorcism. Judd has to replace Colleen's crazy sex memories with new ones, then buh-bye sexual haunting. Judd dismisses the suggestion as crazy and immature, saying that his other option is to just act like a grown-up and do what Colleen does when she wants to rain on his parade. He'll nitpick, undercut and point out every tiny flaw in every room of the house.

Later, Chad leads Judd and Colleen through the house again. Judd nitpicks everything according to his plan. Colleen figures out what Judd's up to and pulls him aside to demand why he's wearing Ghostbusters coveralls if he's not consumed by the past? Judd looks around, imagining Colleen having her sexual encounters in various locations. The ghost of Colleen's "sluttery" is everywhere! When Chad tries to calm them down, Judd realizes Colleen told Chad what happened too! Desperate to sell the house, Chad shows them the one room they haven't seen yet - the ultimate man cave. Judd asks for some time alone with Colleen, then starts taking off his clothes. They've got to sexorcize the house and bang the demons away! Luckily, Colleen's up for writing a new and dirty chapter in the book of their lives.

Afterwards, Judd and Colleen regroup with Chad, who mentions Daryl the owner just dropped by. Judd assures Colleen that he's cool. Daryl's friendly, and Judd's cool; but to Colleen's dismay, Daryl doesn't remember her. Trying to save face, she asks Chad to show her that "drainage thing" and hurries out. Judd takes the opportunity to ask Daryl a favor. Even though Daryl doesn't remember having sex with Colleen, Judd promises to give Daryl his full asking price if Daryl will fake it. Later, Judd watches as Colleen says goodbye to Daryl. Afterwards, she announces they're not buying the house. It's too awkward with the sex and Daryl not remembering it. She knows Judd put Daryl up to pretending he remembered, and she loves Judd for what he did; but they're coming back at midnight tonight to egg the bastard's house.

Midwestern cutie Julia says goodbye to her Brazilian lover Marcelo at the end of her vacation in Rio de Janeiro. How can she go back to Wichita after such a week of bliss? Marcelo thinks Wichita must be heaven since Julia lives there. When Julia starts telling Marcelo about it, he holds his finger up to Julia's lips, saying, "Shhh... not to speak," then kisses her. Marcelo holds up a camera to take their picture.

A few days later, the picture is now the screensaver on Julia's computer at the Dry Erase Company where she works. She tells co-workers Karen and Dennis all about her trip, and she has already started saving for next year's vacation in a glass jar labeled "Marcelo Fund." Their boss Mr. Gunderson stops by to inform them that one of their co-workers, Nancy, was in an accident and won't be returning. This triggers speculation about who'll get Nancy's corner cubicle. The three of them look longingly at the prized corner cubicle, which is bigger and near a window. Julia thinks it's too soon for such talk, especially considering how long and hard Nancy worked to get there. Karen wonders whether it's the right time for Julia to unveil her big marketing idea.

That night, Julia lies half-asleep, fantasizing about Marcelo, when she thinks she hears his voice. She opens her eyes and goes to the window - it's Marcelo and he's carrying a duffle bag and a guitar! Overjoyed, Julia runs downstairs to let him in her apartment. They have mad, passionate sex through the night, then dinner in the wee hours of the morning. The next day, Julia's a happy wreck at work. She tells Karen and Dennis all about her crazy night. Mr. Gunderson walks by. He heard about Julia's gem of a marketing idea and wants her to present it at the afternoon meeting. After Gunderson walks away, Karen enthusiastically gushes that she smells corner cubicle for Julia!

The next day, Julia tells Karen and Dennis that Marcelo asked her to move to Brazil, but she doesn't think she can. Karen advises Julia to think long and hard about what makes her happy, then just do it. Later, Marcelo loads his duffel bag and guitar into a cab. Julia comes out of the building with a tiny bag. Marcelo thinks she's coming with him, but Julia puts her finger to his mouth and says, "Not to speak." She explains that she's an American, and she likes to work because she embraces the American dream. Her hard work might turn into a raise and a promotion and maybe someday a house of her own where she can loll in front of a giant flat screen. So she's staying in Wichita to pursue the corner cubicle.

Meanwhile in Los Angeles, Colleen and Judd drive by another house. Judd claims he had sex in the breakfast nook, so they move on. Sam and Prudence play a baseball video game together, drilling the electronic version of Dante in the head with pitches while they laugh. And at the Dry Erase Company, Julia forges ahead with her crackerjack marketing idea, as the camera pans over the various jars that all of the employees have set up to save for their individual dreams.