Love Bites Episode 1.04 Sky High

Judd and his buddy Dan walk down the street on a Sunday morning. Dan stops at a medical marijuana store to pick up some pot. Judd wants to go in with him, but the security guard won't even let him look inside the shop without a medical marijuana card. A couple of 20-something guys pass Judd on their way into the store, admiring the sweet tattoos on "that old guy," referring to Judd. His world rocked, Judd tells Dan about what the guys said as they walk to Judd's house. Dan recommends moisturizing to maintain youth, then holds up his shopping bag. Pot will help, too.

Returning home from a run, Colleen's not pleased to see Dan's bike outside and is even less pleased to find Judd and Dan sky high at only 10:30 a.m. Judd points out that NASA is broadcasting a spacewalk on TV; it must be an endorsement of "wake and bake." Dan offers Colleen some pot, but she passes and goes to take a shower instead.

A little later, Judd tells Dan to leave because he's going to have sex with Colleen. Because having morning sex with your wife is what young people do. Judd gets ready while waiting for Colleen to get out of the shower but can't seem to get his pants off. Colleen tells him to stop fighting with his pants because they're not having sex. Judd tells Colleen that Dan left them some treats. He reminds her of how they used to get high every Sunday, making it "Sunday Fun Day." Colleen points out that she also didn't used to have a job. Judd pulls out two birthday coupons and says that he's redeeming one so that Colleen will get high and the other so that she'll help him with his pants, which will hopefully lead to sex.

Colleen and Judd sit on the couch, both high as kites. When the phone rings, Judd picks up - it's his mother, Gail. She's on her way to pick them up; she'll be there in 15 minutes, and Judd can't be late because he's the godfather. Judd covers the phone and tells Colleen they forgot the christening! Colleen jumps off the couch, freaking out - it's today! Hearing the commotion, Gail thinks Colleen's upset because she's not the godmother. Panicked and super high, Judd and Colleen rush to make themselves presentable.

Judd and Colleen try to hold it together in Gail's back seat as "On the Wings of Love" plays on the radio. Judd's elderly aunt gives Colleen the stink eye in the rearview mirror. Colleen and Judd text each other about how much they're freaking out. Gail interrupts to ask how Judd's speech turned out, because he's the godfather and he has to say something. Judd loosens his tie, even more nervous. At the church, Judd and Colleen argue about whose fault it is that they got high on the day of the christening. Judd's brother interrupts with his baby boy, Eli. Judd and Colleen admire Eli, try to put on straight faces, and head inside.

The minister calls Judd's brother, sister-in-law, Eli and Judd, who's very sweaty, to the front of the church. The minister emphasizes the importance of Judd's role as Eli's godfather, as a role model and a mentor. When goaded by Colleen in the gallery, Judd accepts the responsibility - and the baby - into his arms, as the minister gives Judd the floor to say a few words. Judd stumbles without a prepared speech, then goes with the first thing that comes to mind� "On the Wings of Love." Everyone sits in stunned silence until Colleen stands up and starts singing along with Judd. Not to be outdone by her daughter-in-law, Gail stands up and joins them, as do Judd's brother and sister-in-law and other members of the congregation, including Judd's aunt.

As they exit the church, Colleen comments that she totally saved Judd, and she's calling in the favor one day. Judd doesn't argue. He smiles and comments to Colleen that everyone's trying so hard to stay young, but there are some cool things that go along with being the old guy. Old guys get to be godfathers.

Annie walks down the street as she talks on the phone with her cousin, Christy, a high school senior, who's on her phone in the school library. Christy complains that she doesn't have a date for the winter formal because she just broke up with her boyfriend. Annie reaches her car to discover a meter maid just writing out a ticket for parking in a handicapped zone. Annie tries to leverage her pregnancy to talk the meter maid out of the ticket, but no dice, so she continues her conversation with Christy. Why not try something new and ask a freshman to the dance? Someone who will treat her like a queen and not cover her in puke. Christy thinks it's a random idea.

Meanwhile, nerdy freshman Josh, his best friend Kit and their buddies Jeff and Roddy enter the library, discussing "The Grapes of Wrath." Roddy excitedly mentions that Mr. Burke's class gets to video chat with an astronaut next week, but the other three aren't impressed. As they sit, Josh accidentally bumps into Christy's chair. Realizing that he's talking to the hottest senior in the high school food chain, he can't stop himself from babbling. Bemused, Christy asks Josh to go to the winter formal with her on Saturday. She'll pick him up at eight, and he better not get a haircut.

That Saturday night, Josh gets ready for the dance in his bedroom, chanting positive affirmations. Kit shows up to fix Josh's overly processed hair. What did he do to it? It was the one feature Christy liked on him! Then Jeff and Roddy arrive to emphasize the importance of tonight for all of them - because if Josh nails it, they'll all get Christies. Josh's dad, Bill, knocks and kicks everyone out so he can have a heart-to-heart with Josh� about his penis. Josh is a Ford, and Fords get boners easily - way too easily. Bill teaches Josh some techniques to cover for inappropriate boners, including "The Tuck" and "The Untied Shoe." Luckily, the doorbell rings, and Josh is spared more penis instruction.

Josh opens the door for Christy as his parents and friends take photos. At the dance, Josh and Christy have their portrait taken, and Josh manages to charm Christy. Annie calls to give Christy an out in case the date isn't going well, but Christy admits she's having a nice time. Annie hangs up and steps out of a stall in a men's bathroom only to bump into Better Matt, the hot guy she mistook for her blind date! Annie makes awkward conversation, then asks Matt if he still has a girlfriend. He does. Promising she'll try to be normal the next time they run into each other, Annie exits the restroom.

Later that night, Christy pulls up to the curb at Josh's house to drop him off. She seems surprised to admit that she had a good time, except for her bra, which has been killing her. When she whips it off, we can only imagine what's happening in Josh's pants. He thanks Christy and reaches for the door, but she pulls him back inside for a kiss. Josh makes some loud sucking sounds and pulls away, leaving her stunned and kinda grossed out. He exits the car and walks up to his house smiling as a scowling Christy drives away. The next day of school, Josh has a bit of a swagger until Jeff tells him the social networks are on fire - he blew it. Josh is certain Christy couldn't have seen his boner, but that's not the problem. Christy thinks he's a bad kisser.

After school, Josh, Roddy and Jeff gather round the laptop while Kit reads comments about Josh's kissing on a social networking site. Knowing their collective lives are ruined, Roddy orders Josh to kiss Christy again, to prove he's a good kisser. Roddy announces that they'll go to the source of all knowledge - porn - to teach Josh how to kiss. When Roddy and Jeff start watching porn, a disgusted Kit hauls Josh into the backyard to show him how to kiss. Josh resists, then relents, and Kit confirms that Christy was right - Josh sucks at kissing. After a few pointers and a few more tries, Josh and Kit share a kiss that's magical. They both feel it and try to cover. When Josh thanks Kit for helping him, she tells him to shut up and walks away.

The next day, Christy sits in Mr. Burke's physics class, awaiting the video chat with Astronaut Scott Bowers from the International Space Station. The video feed finds the astronauts in the middle of a fight and cuts off. Josh stands outside the classroom door gathering his courage, then marches in and kisses Christy. She's speechless, but impressed, as is everyone else in school. Later, Christy offers Josh the opportunity to take her out Friday night, but he declines. On the way home from school, Josh catches up with Kit to confirm kissing Christy in physics class. But Josh isn't interested in kissing Christy anymore...

Astronaut Scott Bowers video chats with his girlfriend Janine from the International Space Station. Scott gushes about how much he misses Janine, but she's less than enthusiastic. When Scott sees a guy walk down the hall, Janine tells him it's just Randy the landscaper, who's there to mow the lawn. Randy pops over to Janine's computer to say hello to Scott, then leaves. Scott asks Janine why they need a guy to mow the yard, so she hotly reminds Scott that she has a job too. Scott's fellow astronauts, Craig and Takashi, look on uncomfortably as Scott apologizes. Janine cuts the chat short, telling Scott she "needs a little space."

Scott complains to Craig about Janine needing more space and acting weird. Takashi doesn't think Janine was acting weird, but he does think "the guy banging her" was acting weird. When Scott goes after Takashi, Craig breaks it up, so Scott goes back to mooning over Janine. Craig advises him to focus; Janine loves him - then offers to call Marty in Houston to see if he can get visual confirmation that Craig's lawn has been cut. Just then, Marty rings for a video chat with news that he's added an event to their agenda tomorrow - a video conference with Minotta High School. Craig convinces Marty to get a satellite shot of Scott's yard to confirm that it's been mowed.

A little bit later, Marty calls back with the satellite image of Scott's yard. When Scott asks Marty to zoom in, it's obvious that a lot more than the grass is getting mowed... Scott sees two pairs of intertwined legs on a lounge chair. The image disappears and Craig pats Scott on the back, saying he's sorry. Takashi asks Scott how long he should wait to call Janine - a week?

Later, Scott's wondering where his picture of Janine is when Takashi exits the bathroom with the photo and a balled-up T-shirt. It's obvious he's been masturbating. Scott goes after Takashi with murder in his eyes, just as Marty begins the video conference with the high school. Scott and Takashi continue fighting, so Craig cuts off the video feed. Takashi yells that Scott has no balls - Janine is making a mockery of the entire space program by cheating on him! If Scott doesn't break up with Janine right now, Takashi will do it for him. Realizing Takashi's right, Scott video chats with Janine and breaks up with her, saying he needs space.

Craig congratulates Scott - now, he's a free man. But Scott's devastated; he thought Janine was the one. Craig takes Scott outside for a space walk and talk. There are 7 billion people on earth. Some of them are skanks, and some are saints. But 52% of them are women. And the chances that one of those women wants to have sex with an astronaut are pretty good, which is great news for Scott. Ready to start his life anew, Scott lets the photo of Janine float away. Takashi presses his face against the window of the ISS, silently screaming, "NO!"