The 25-year-old model-turned-actress revealed that she has been struggling with depression since her teenage years despite being 'the luckiest girl in the world.'
- Sep 29, 2017
AceShowbiz - Cara Delevingne may be a successful model and actress, but it doesn't mean that life has always gone easy on her. In a recent interview with The Edit, the 25-year-old star opened up about her hellish teenage years and her struggle with depression. She revealed that she used to hate herself for being a late bloomer.
"Teenagers can be very, very cruel. I wasn't into the same things that all my popular friends were. I was a very late developer," she shared. "I didn't have boobs or start my period till very late. And that whole thing of being called frigid, and being flat-chested...I felt alienated and alone, because I was like: What's wrong with me?"
"I always wanted people to love me, so I never got angry with them; I turned my anger on to myself," she continued. "Instead of using [my] sword and shield [to protect myself], I just put my shield up and stabbed myself."
Dishing on her battle with depression, Cara said, "I hated myself for being depressed, I hated feeling depressed, I hated feeling. I was very good at disassociating from emotion completely. And all the time I was second-guessing myself, saying something and then hating myself for saying it. I didn't understand what was happening apart from the fact that I didn't want to be alive anymore."
She further revealed that she told some people about her mental health issue, but no one could understand her. Consequently, the "Suicide Squad" actress was struggling to fight her inner demons alone, despite being "the luckiest girl in the world."
"When I tried to talk to people about it, they wouldn't want to understand," she explained. "So many of my friends would say: 'How can you feel like that?' and, 'But you're so lucky,' and I'd be like: I know, trust me, I know. I know I'm the luckiest girl in the world, I understand all of these things, and I wish I could appreciate it. There is just something dark within me I cannot seem to shake."
As time went by, Cara learned how to deal with her depression and find happiness on her own. "At the moment, it's just being in a relationship with myself," she said. "I was always in love with my best friends, the person I would call if something was wrong, the person that I talked to about everything."
"But when someone gets too close, I get scared: 'Oh, you can't handle it, I'm too crazy.' I know it sounds really stupid, but I relied too much on love, too much on other people to make me happy, and I needed to learn to be happy by myself," she added. "So now I can be by myself, I can be happy. It took me a long time."
