Valentine's Day is the most romantic day of the year...unless you have kids. Just ask Frankie and Mike Heck. They haven't celebrated Cupid's big day in over a decade. Maybe this year will be different. Then again...maybe not.
Brick is part of a school-supported group that helps kids learn better social skills. The mother of one of the other children asks Frankie if Brick can have a sleepover this weekend with her son Zack. It's all Frankie can do not to cry. Zack is very popular even though he has a habit of meowing like a cat, much like Brick has a habit of whispering to no one in particular. This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Sue's friend Carly ditched her braces and blossomed into a beauty overnight. This new look gets her and Sue invited to their first boy-girl party. Mike doesn't want his daughter to do the boy-girl thing just yet, but Frankie convinces him that Sue is ready. Meanwhile, Axl is set to go on a triple date with a couple of his buddies. Looks like Frankie and Mike will have the house to themselves. No, really!
This is the first Valentine's Day that Frankie and Mike have been home alone since Axl was born. What to do? What to do? Mike has a thought. It involves attempting a few rounds of romance before and after dinner. Frankie says, "Light a candle and put on the Lionel Richie. It's go time!"
Go time becomes no time when Axl and his buddies come home. The girls they were supposed to be dating decided to go to dinner with some college guys first. The MIA ladies promised to call Axl and crew later. Uh huh. With their home infiltrated by a trio of clueless teen boys, Frankie and Mike decide to have a romantic Valentine's dinner anywhere but there. The problem is that every restaurant in town is packed. Apparently, it's a good idea to make reservations on Valentine's Day, even in Orson, Indiana.
When they finally get a table at a restaurant, Frankie suggests they give the romance thing another go. They'll each name the five favorite moments of their marriage. Mike fondly recalls the time the Colts won the Super Bowl. That's because when all the other wives got bored and went into the kitchen to have wine, Frankie stayed right by Mike and shared his beer. She's such a good sport.
Brick and Zack are having fun at the sleepover. As they crash in their sleeping bags, Brick offers his buddy a piece of V-Day chocolate. That was a mistake. See, Zack has a rather intense reaction to sweets. He's meowing and bouncing off the walls like a cat in heat. His mom has no choice but to have Frankie pick up Brick.
As Frankie and Mike continue their romantic dinner with Brick in their booth, Sue calls saying she wants to bail on the boy-girl party. Everyone is kissing, someone brought beer and incense is wafting through the room. Mike storms into the party chastising his daughter for sneaking out of the house. Of course, Sue didn't do that at all. Mike is just playing the bad cop to help her save face. Carly gets in on Mike's ruse so she can skip out on the party, too. What a cool dad.
As Mike, Frankie, Brick, Sue and Carly squeeze into the booth, a slice of mud pie arrives for dessert (with five forks). Then Axl and his two friends show up at the restaurant. Believe it or not, those girls who went out with the college guys never called. Looks like they're gonna need three more forks for that mud pie.
Frankie realizes that she and Mike won't be getting that romantic Valentine's Day they hoped for this year. She says, "That's okay. Because someday Axl will be off on a date and Sue will be kissing boys at a party and Brick...well, Brick will probably be living in our basement." The point is that someday she and Mike will miss these Valentine's Days together. So they should treasure every lame one they have left. How romantic.