The 'I Am Cait' star was thinking of killing herself after paparazzi captured pictures her leaving a doctor's office following his Adam's apple removal.
- Aug 5, 2016
AceShowbiz - Caitlyn Jenner was suicidal during her transition into a woman. In an interview with Bill Simmons on "Any Given Wednesday", the "I Am Cait" star reveals she considered suicide after paparazzi captured photos of her leaving a doctor's office following his Adam's apple removal, a part of her body that she "always hated."
"I could not sleep that night. I'm up at 3 A.M. walking up and down my hallway, thinking, 'Damn, all this s**t is going to come out tomorrow and it's going to be horrible,' " the father of Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner shares, "And I said, 'You know what? Easy way. Go in the other room. You got a gun. Let's just end it right here.' "
"That's, like, the easy way out," she continues, "No more pain, no more nothing. I don't have to deal with the tabloids any longer. I don't have to deal with any of this. And that was probably the lowest I've ever gotten."
The next morning, Caitlyn went for a walk by herself. "Wasn't that, like, the stupidest thing you've ever done?" she recalls, "I thought, 'What a terrible way to end your life's story!' I don't want my story to end that way, on a negative note. That was the beginning of me turning my thinking around to say, 'OK, I think I can do this.' "
Caitlyn says the past 18 months have been the "best" of her life. "I have never been happier, more at ease with myself," she explains, "I got my mojo back. Going through this, I have renewed my excitement for life. My life today is so interesting, so simple. It really is so simple!"
"I was in Vegas the other day-I had to give a speech-and I used to go to Vegas for years and years and years, and I liked to go to Vegas because I could sneak around. I could go to my hotel room, dress, cross-dress, actually go out and walk around. I would never talk to anybody because I knew my voice would give me away, and I never got caught," she recalls.
"I could go out and just be myself and just walk around. But I had two suitcases. I'd have to talk the nail polish off, then put the nail polish back on. My life was so complicated, you know? And I'm struggling with all these issues," she continues, "This time I went to Vegas, all I had to do was take one suitcase. I go downstairs, I get dressed, I get ready, I go down and take a few selfies with people through the hotel, give my speech, live authentically. It was so simple!"
