AceShowbiz - Holly Madison opens up about the years of verbal and emotional abuse she endured while living with Hugh Hefner in a shocking new tell-all memoir "Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny". In excerpts obtained by Us Weekly, Holly recalls she was offered drugs by Hugh when they first met in August 2001.
" 'Would you like a Quaalude?' Hef asked, leaning toward me with a bunch of large horse pills in his hands, held together by a crumpled tissue," the star of "The Girls Next Door" writes. But after she declined the drugs, "Hef did not miss a beat: 'Okay, that's good,' he said, nonchalantly. 'Usually, I don't approve of drugs, but you know, in the '70s they used to call these pills thigh openers.' "
She continues, "I want to scream 'PAUSE!' and freeze-frame that moment of my life. I want to grab that young girl, shake her back into reality and scream, 'What the hell are you thinking?' " Holly ended up spending the night at Playboy Mansion and moved in several weeks later. She said there were constantly changing alliances between Hugh's girlfriends and she later found out that Hugh was the person who controlled them all.
"I learned Hef was the manipulator and that he pitted us against one another," she shares, "I realized I wasn't treated well. I'm done being afraid of people. I don't have any loyalty to Hef. I haven't talked to him in four years, so there's no reason to reach out now. Besides, it's the truth."
Holly recalls emotional abuse she got from Hugh when she got a haircut or wore red lipstick, writing, " 'What did you do?' he spat at me. Instantly, I was taken aback. 'I got a little makeover,' I said sheepishly, giving a slight pat to my new hair. Any shred of confidence I found over the last few hours was quickly evaporating. 'I thought you would like it.' 'Well, I don't,' he hissed, taking a moment to analyze my new makeup and hair."
When Holly finally decided to leave the mansion, Hugh tried to get her stay by putting her name in his will. "It was there, in black and white," she shares, "The will stated that $3,000,000 would be bestowed to Holly Madison at the time of his death (provided I still lived in the Mansion). At the time, it was more money than I'd ever know what to do withâ�¦ But I didn't want it. I actually pitied him for stooping to that level. I couldn't help but be offended. Did he really think he could buy me? I put the folder back on the bed just as I had found it and never breathed a word of it."
Holly tells Us Weekly that she wants her daughter to read her book one day, saying, "I want her to understand why I made the choices I made. And hopefully learn from them and not make stupid mistakes herself."