Well, well, well...Cheryl West and her friends have started a "company". It's called Full Bloom but they ain't arranging no flowers if you catch my drift. If you don't catch my drift, I'll just say it. Cheryl West is making and selling underwear. And not the kind of underwear I buy on sale at discounted supercenters. Women of substantial girth and age parade about the West House in racy lingerie and ply their "customers" with alcoholic beverages. Women seem to be buying these...products...fair 'n square. I hate to say it looks legal to me but like everything else in the West family, Cheryl's business has a dark underbelly.
One of her partners gave the money for their fabric to her ne'er-do-well boyfriend. The money ended up with known drug dealer Luther Wallace. The Palm Springs Police Department has been setting up a bust (a real bust - I even got to wear a bullet-proof vest.) on Wallace for over a year. These things take time, lots of time, lots of thinking. I hate to talk myself up, but I played a crucial role in the Wallace case. So, picture this: twenty of Palm Springs finest are surrounding that son-of-a-gun's house, waiting for the go-ahead to bust him once and for all. Suddenly, Cheryl West shows up and heads straight for the front door to ask the perpetrator for her money back. Sergeant Mack intercepted her. She can thank her lucky stars for that one.
Now off the record let me tell you, the drug bust went according to the Sergeant's plan but the next few days went according to Cheryl's. That's my take on it and I should know.
Whenever I see a West lurking about the police station I go on full alert. So you can imagine my reaction when I saw Cheryl talking with Sergeant Mack's ex-wife, asking her for an advance for Mrs. Mack's slutty undies! Then she walks off and Sergeant Mack asks Cheryl what his ex was saying, like he should be concerned about a known criminal's opinion of him. Did the entire world flip onto its head? Is Palm Springs now in the Southern Hemisphere? No, I didn't think so.
Then, to top it all off, Sergeant Mack starts treating me like any other run-of-the-mill police officer. After the Wallace drug bust, he tells me to do an evidence recount claiming the numbers were off on the cash. If it were anyone else, I would've told them what's what. But not Sergeant Mack. Yes, he's showing an indiscretion but Heather West can tell you I am just as guilty of the occasional indiscretion. I hope this doesn't make me Mack's accomplice, but I recounted the evidence and found less cash there than my report originally stated. I'm not proud of it but I followed Sergeant Mack that night. I even left my headlights off so he wouldn't see me. And if my own eyes hadn't seen it, I wouldn't have believed it. Sergeant Mack...my Sergeant Mack...gave that scoundrel, Cheryl West, a thick envelope. I can only assume it contains George Washingtons and Abraham Lincolns...and the presidents that are on the big bills too.
In other big news, Heather got her first modeling job! She was a mermaid on a sushi table at some swanky party. What I would've given to be a merman on an adjacent table. Or just be in the same room. Not that I would. Officer Potts doesn't break his word and I promised to stop stalking her. Anyway, when I heard of the modeling job, I was bursting with a pride, but that pride was deflated a mere 24 hours later. You see, Heather met this Grant Wilby at the party...the 80's has-been who played Detective Rick Hardy. I have two things to say about this Grant fellow. One, his portrayal of a man of the law was completely ridiculous. It should be illegal to dramatize the force. Two, he had better keep his fake-blue-blood paws off the love of my life. He didn't do number two like I'd hoped. He sweet-talked my dear Heather, promising her reality shows, fame, things I could never give her even if she gave me the chance to try. She was overcome and kissed him, not knowing the paparazzi would snap a photo that would change things forever. Heather's back and therefore her tattoo was photographed on top of Grant Wilby. Indiscreet Magazine called her a "mystery mermaid" and only I...and her mother...recognized her in the photo. Boy, did Cheryl have a fit. As did Wolf, or so I hear from my informant in the prison.
Then that conniving little West, Hope, concocts a plan to have Heather take some fully-clothed photos and talk about her so-called connection with Grant for one of the blogs on the internet. Don't get me wrong, Heather looked great, but that Hope came up with all sorts of "love" gibberish. And suddenly Grant Wilby is at the West house with flowers and proclamations of how he wants to be with Heather. Part of me thought: oh so that is how you pursue a woman. The other part of me just thought: pooey on Grant Wilby, I am never watching his show again.
Now, I've got eyes and ears in the law firm where Logan West works. So far it's proven to be a waste of time and effort. All I found out this week is that Patty Hong recognized immediately that she had sex with him, not Cal like she thought. She demanded an apology. Then Valerie Bottoms, Logan's girlfriend, suspected as much and started following Logan. Valerie is a principal and you could tell, she doesn't know the first thing about spying on a person. But Logan is clearly not as smart as he thinks he is because he didn't notice her. So Valerie caught Logan and Patty kissing and broke up with Logan. Clearly Logan treats women worse than the Wests treat the law.
Then there's the real West crime of the week...but I can't prove it. Yet. Money was stolen from the trunk of an old car and security cameras have Cal West's vehicle leaving the scene. Problem is, Sergeant Mack went to the West House without me to question Cal and he has an alibi. Tanya, his new girlfriend, claims Cal and Cruz were picking her up at the French Nail Salon where she works. Since when are Cal and Tanya a couple? I keep pretty close tabs on all of the Wests and this is the first I've heard of it. Again, I have been rather disappointed in my Sergeant this week. My policeman instinct tells me this isn't the last we'll hear of what I've coined the Guerrero Mall Heist.
So, Cheryl successfully shipped the undies to Mrs. Mack and the other ladies willing to stoop to that level. My informant tells me Wolf West wasn't as excited about Cheryl's alleged "business" as she'd hoped. They had a doozey of a fight. Yawn, what else is new with them?
So what's to come of this crazy week? Well, it's tippy top secret, but I'm going to be watching Sergeant Mack's interactions with Cheryl West. He's acting suspicious, but Officer Potts is on the case.
