Modern Family Episode 2.16 Regrets Only

It's the morning after a pretty big brouhaha between Phil and Claire. This one was bad. Claire is still really upset and Phil still has no idea why. There's a corresponding bout of obliviousness taking place at the Pritchett place. Gloria is thoroughly enjoying her brand new karaoke machine, but Jay's regretting the fact that he bought her one with speakers. Gloria has no idea her less-than-dulcet tones may make her hubby's head explode.

Phil weasels his way out of a trip to the mall with his wife by allowing Gloria to give him a haircut. Jay soon realizes why Phil didn't want to make the journey. It seems his daughter really enjoys those 15-minute massages they give you in the concourse. How do we know this? Well, Claire's screams of unabashed ecstasy are even more jarring than Gloria's cackling karaoke calls.

Speaking of Gloria, she likes to get up close and personal while giving a haircut. Phil's rattled by the up close part, but he's game for getting personal if it means figuring out why Claire is so mad. A number of things could have caused the blowup, but Claire confides to her dad that the fight was about a wedge salad. And Jay confides to his daughter that she sounds like a Tijuana prostitute when she gets a mall massage.

Phil and Claire are matching the amount of cash Haley brings home in tips from her waitressing job. Alex suspects something is amiss because her big sis is never actually at her place of business. That's because Haley doesn't really have a job. She just flashes some cash in order to get her folks to pony up their portion.

Alex sets a trap by making reservations at Haley's alleged workplace where Claire goes ballistic when Phil recommends the wedge salad. It's last night all over again. Claire is upset because she's been recommending he try a wedge salad for years, but Phil obviously tuned her out. It makes her feel like she doesn't matter. The tantrum gives Haley the out she needs, as she claims her mom's little episode got her fired.

Cameron is throwing a fundraiser for a music society. There will be two harpists and hopefully more guests in attendance than the previous event. That's because Cam's nemesis, Andrew, hosted the fundraiser last year. Luke is hired to help with all the guests. There should be plenty in attendance since no one has sent regrets. But that's only because Mitchell forgot to mail the invitations. Oops!

Mitchell does his best to scrounge up a crowd for his partner's fundraiser. It's mostly a family affair at the outset, as Phil tries to apologize to Claire via pictures. He thumbs through an old photo album to show her how much he's changed for the better thanks to her influence. Sure, he doesn't listen to everything she says, but Phil's all ears for the important stuff. Nice.

Mitchell manages to wrangle up enough people to make amends for his invitation goof. Cameron appreciates the effort and the fact that archenemy Andrew has been sufficiently humiliated. The stringed sounds of a group called Harp Attack fill the room for all to enjoy. Too bad Gloria left her karaoke machine at home.