AceShowbiz - Giving birth triggered awful sexual assault memories for actress Alyssa Milano.
The former "Charmed" star is mum to Milo, 10, and Elizabeth, seven, and admits her first birthing experience brought back bad memories from her childhood, because the delivery was "invasive" and involved "being held down."
"I remembered at one point really not enjoying the fact that lots of people had access to my vagina, and thinking to myself, 'I don't like this. Why does it feel so familiar? I've never had a baby before. Why does this invasive feeling feel so familiar?'" she tells People's Me Becoming Mom podcast. "That was just a fleeting moment, a tick in time, but I didn't forget about it."
"After going through therapy, after giving birth to Milo and remembering that one moment of feeling like I was being held down and had things being done to me that I didn't want, to me, was very reminiscent of being sexually assaulted."
"It triggered all of these memories that I thought I had dealt with. I think anyone who has dealt with trauma has the moments where you're like, 'Yeah, I'm fine. I've dealt with that'. Versus the moments where you go, 'Oh, no I didn't. I just tried to tuck it away so no one could see them, or I couldn't see them or feel them anymore.'"
The actress also battled anxiety postpartum, and thinks part of the reason she struggled so much was because she didn’t feel "in control" of her body, "That's what it felt like for me," she explains. "I gotta think that because it felt that way for me, it must've felt that way for other women. I wonder how much of my postpartum anxiety was due to... that feeling that felt like I wasn't in control."