"The Talk" presenter was left devastated last July (20) when her husband passed away, three months after being hospitalised with coronavirus, and she admitted she has found the turning of the year incredibly tough because she knows she can't "wipe that slate clean" and have a fresh start, and she's also scared about what the future holds.
She wrote on her Instagram Story, "New Years has been tough, extremely hard for me. I've cried more recently than in awhile. I thought Christmas would be hard, this was worse."
"I think it's because when the new year comes you want a clean slate or to forget about last year, esp 2020. But, I can't forget about last year and will not be able to wipe that slate clean. I also think I am slightly scared of what can happen in a year, how much things can change."
"Lastly, I think everything I went through is finally catching up to me and I am finally ready to go to therapy to address the trauma."
The fitness pro - who has son Elvis, 18 months - finds speaking openly about the struggles she faces as she grieves her husband to be helpful and she hopes her honesty can bring comfort to others too.
"I share all of this as my continued honesty about grief and loss. How it ebbs and flows, changes a lot. How it hides and then finds you," she continued. "How it's a journey, not just a week. How it's continued struggle even as I stay positive and active. How you can cry some days for two seconds or two hours. How it makes you feel so lonely and confused."
"Being honest, acknowledging all of this instead of hiding it, has helped me. I hope it helps you."