AceShowbiz - Kara Keough is still struggling to cope with the loss of her baby boy. Six months after McCoy Casey Bosworth passed away from complications during childbirth, the former star of "The Real Housewives of Orange County" opened up about feeling like she was "being choked" in her latest tribute for her late son.

Making use of Instagram on Tuesday, October 6, the 31-year-old shared a black-and-white picture of her holding and kissing her newborn while her husband Kyle Louis Bosworth stood next to them. "Six months ago, I laid my eyes on you for the first time. I turned your big body around then looked at Daddy with a mixture of shock and pride and said, 'It's a boy,' " she began her lengthy caption.

"Three hours later, I limped into the NICU to start what would be my first and last days of kissing you. Somehow, I kissed you a lifetime's worth of kisses in six days. All without one kiss back," she continued recounting. "I still think about what it felt like to kiss you, and that I never got kissed back. It all still makes my throat ache like I'm being choked. I hate that the thought of kissing you creates this painful and involuntary spasm."

The daughter of Jeana Keough added that she would "much rather be thinking of that involuntary happiness spasm that would overtake [her boy's] body as a 6-month-old." She went on saying, "Oh what I'd do to see those little joyful jolts, with your chubby arms air-pumping and flapping while your legs do that spring-loaded kick combo."

"Would we be dropping a nap, hearing you laugh, starting solids? Would all my shirts have drool pools on them? Would nursing you prove to be more of an Olympic effort around this time? And just where am I supposed to put all this love? This love that I reserved just for you? I still put it in you, of course," she further conveyed her feeling. "The love doesn't leave just because you did. It's a hard lesson to learn."

For Kara, grieving over her child has taken in the form of "tears, guttural sobs, and that worthless guilt." However, she would prefer to miss him "wonderfully" instead of "terribly." She next shared, "Recently, your Daddy held me as he told me: 'Each day, when you feel that strong breeze, or the sun hits your face, or you hear our daughter laugh... that's our son loving his mama.' "

Near the end of the post, Kara wrote, "I considered the beauty in my life and how, like your Daddy said, each one of those little happy winks are you loving me. It's you kissing me back. And that made my throat soften, and my heart open. And that, my boy, is the gift you've given me. A heart broken wide open is still an open heart. We love you, McCoy. And we miss you something wonderful."

Kara and Kyle lost their newborn son on April 6. The pair made public the devastating news a week later via Instagram. She announced that her baby boy, who weighed in at 11 pounds and 4 ounces, "experienced shoulder dystocia and a compressed umbilical cord" during the course of his birth. The couple decided to donate his organs following his passing.