AceShowbiz - %cRihanna% discussed her history with %cChris Brown% in Vanity Fair's latest issue in which she graces the front page. In a tell-all interview for her cover story, the Bajan songstress explained her controversial decision to get back together with %cChris Brown% in 2012 three years after their violent altercation that left her with a bloody face.
"I was that girl," she said. "That girl who felt that as much pain as this relationship is, maybe some people are built stronger than others. Maybe I'm one of those people built to handle sh*t like this. Maybe I'm the person who's almost the guardian angel to this person, to be there when they're not strong enough, when they're not understanding the world, when they just need someone to encourage them in a positive way and say the right thing."
When asked if she thought she could change her ex, RiRi replied, "A hundred percent." She continued, "I was very protective of him. I felt that people didn't understand him. Even after ... But you know, you realize after a while that in that situation you're the enemy. You want the best for them, but if you remind them of their failures, or if you remind them of bad moments in their life, or even if you say I'm willing to put up with something, they think less of you - because they know you don't deserve what they're going to give."
"And if you put up with it, maybe you are agreeing that you [deserve] this, and that's when I finally had to say, 'Uh-oh, I was stupid thinking I was built for this.' Sometimes you just have to walk away," she went on before adding, "I don't hate him. I will care about him until the day I die. We're not friends, but it's not like we're enemies. We don't have much of a relationship now."
The singer wished her past with Chris Brown was never mentioned again because she felt like she's being "punished over and over" every time the subject was brought up. "It's in the past, and I don't want to say 'Get over it,' because it's a very serious thing that is still relevant; it's still real. A lot of women, a lot of young girls, are still going through it. A lot of young boys too," she explained.
"It's not a subject to sweep under the rug, so I can't just dismiss it like it wasn't anything, or I don't take it seriously. But, for me, and anyone who's been a victim of domestic abuse, nobody wants to even remember it. Nobody even wants to admit it. So to talk about it and say it once, much less 200 times, is like ... I have to be punished for it? It didn't sit well with me."
Right Now, RiRi is enjoying her single life. "I'm fine being with myself. I don't want to really let anybody in. I've got too much on my plate, and I'm not even worried about it," she explained. "A very extraordinary gentleman, with a lot of patience, will come along when I least expect it. And I don't want it right now. I can't really be everything for someone. This is my reality right now."
"It is lonely, but I have so much work to do that I get distracted. I don't have time to be lonely," she also said. "And I get fearful of relationships because I feel guilty about wanting someone to be completely faithful and loyal, when I can't even give them 10 percent of the attention that they need. It's just the reality of my time, my life, my schedule."