Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets really is that bad, bad enough that you don't know for the longest time that Valerian is one of the lead characters and not a planet or a spaceship
the story itself is thin (the villain is visible a mile off) and the characters have no chemistry... "Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets" is simply childish
Besson is an amazing emissary to the stars, and his radiant vessel might compel you to leave your home, but at the not-so-outer-edges of his cosmos you'll discover empty awe and wonder is all he's got
as a whole, the movie keeps these flourishes coming and builds a universe with more detail in one movie than some shared universes have in dozens of them
"Valerian" is at its best when it feels like a "Star Wars" spinoff about all the fantastical creatures who bleep-blorp through the background; it's like a reservoir for all of the creativity that Disney is trying to eliminate from a galaxy far, far away