Alex arrives home with a package, and Whitney is excited to guess what she ordered offline while drunk this time. Turns out, its actually an urn filled with the ashes of Alex's childhood dog, Sarge. Alex is clearly affected; he truly loved Sarge, and misses having a dog around. At this, Whitney makes a bold suggestion; why don't they get a dog?
Alex is excited by the idea, but forces Whitney to re-evaluate the situation; a dog's a big commitment. Whitney claims that unlike marriage, this is a commitment she's willing to make. And when she commits, she commits hard; she still uses AOL email, and wears the same bra she did in the 7th grade.
When Roxanne mentions that she needs help with her investments, Lily excitedly suggests that Neal help Roxanne; it's what he does for a living, after all. Lily think's it's important for the two to develop a friendship outside of Lily, to which Mark retorts that it's impossible for men and women to be just friends.
At the adoption center, Whitney fills out forms while Alex swims in a sea of puppies. Whitney hits a snag when the options for relationship status are only single and married. She takes it up with the head of the adoption center, informing the woman that she's happily unmarried; if she had a soul, Alex would be its mate. But the woman won't budge, and informs Whitney that a home visit is necessary for this particular situation.
After Neal and Roxanne finish reviewing Roxanne's investment portfolio, they go in for a hug and end up accidentally kissing. Later, the two run into each other and its visibly awkward. Neal breaks the ice, telling Roxanne that this awkwardness is ridiculous and uncalled for; the kiss was an accident, after all. But when they go to hug it out, Roxanne ends up accidentally groping Neal's crotch.
Alex and Whitney prepare for the home visit, loading up on doggie accessories and getting out all of their cute coupley memorabilia (including a particularly ridiculous puzzle of Whitney and Alex kissing). The visit starts off well enough, but things go south when Whitney spins a web of lies and the rep sees right through her.
Refusing to give up, Whitney returns to the adoption agency with Lily for backup. She lets the woman know that she's added a box to her form, labeled “committed,” because that's what she and Alex are. And unlike the center, she harbors no prejudice; she's ready to adopt any dog…big or small, young or old.
Whitney shows up at home with Clarence, a decrepit old dog who can barely walk on his own. Despite Clarence being deaf, blind, and seemingly immobile, Whitney is determined to love and care for him unconditionally. Alex is impressed with Whitney's behavior, to which Whitney admits that she can be good at commitment, especially when it's to something scruffy and loveable.
The next morning Whitney and Clarence wake up, excited for a new day with their new dog. He really is the perfect pet; he didn't bark all night! Unfortunately, it turns out that Clarence didn't make it through the night.
That day, Whitney and Alex hold a doggie wake for Clarence. Roxanne notes that the only appropriate thing to do in his memory is drink, but spills on herself in the process and goes to the bathroom to clean up. When Neal and Lily arrive, Neal walks in to the bathroom to discover Roxanne shirtless. Unable to bare any more awkwardness, Neal and Roxanne confess their awkward run-ins to Lily. Mark claims it's all Lily's fault; you can't force a man and a woman to be friends. Mark also claims that in this case, there's no such thing as an accident.
When Mark leaves, he goes in for a hug with Alex only to awkwardly kiss him. As he recoils in horror and turns away, he accidentally gropes Whitney's boobs. When Mark hurriedly claims it was an accident, Alex points out that as he said, there are no accidents!