Free Agents Episode 1.01 Pilot

Alex and Helen have just had sex for the first time, and the aftermath is awkward. Alex is newly divorced, and Helen's fiance recently died - yet her apartment is littered with giant photographs of him. Alex can't remember what's supposed to happen next, so Helen offers to call him a cab, then asks what he's thinking. Missing his kids, Alex starts bawling, so Helen picks up the phone and starts dialing the cab company.

The next morning at work (corporate PR firm Hale Dayton), Alex is looking a little the worse for wear. His co-workers Gregg and Dan immediately ask, "What was her name, bro?" and beg for details. That's when Helen enters the conference room - Helen and Alex work together! - pretending to salivate for news of Alex's big night. Boss Stephen enters on her heels and tells Alex to make it quick, focusing on the "good parts," i.e. positions and breast shape. Alex claims to have had animal sex like panthers and tries to get right to the meeting, earning boos. Stephen lines up their newest client: Omdyne's Organik eggs have recently caused a pukey salmonella outbreak at an elementary school - yech!

After the meeting, super sassy executive assistant Emma hands off Alex's messages with more than the usual attitude. His wife's been calling - a lot - and Emma's not into dealing with Alex's personal problem(s). Stephen's waiting in Alex's office to have a little heart-to-heart. Stephen's been divorced three times, so he knows what it's like. He went to St. Bart's after his third divorce - but since Alex doesn't have that kind of money, he should throw himself into work... and he's been dropping the ball quite a bit. Later, Dan tries to talk Alex into becoming his wingman now that he's divorced. It's time to get back on the horse. Spying Helen, Alex runs after her in hopes of convincing her to be his horse. She just laughs. It's not the crying that bothers her, but the fact that Alex is an absolute mess. In fact, he's crying as they speak. Alex admits the elevator is playing one of his kids' favorite songs.

Alex follows Helen out of the office, asking for reasons why she doesn't want to hook up - was it the sex? It wasn't, but Helen doesn't think they should sleep together again... ever. That said, Helen heads to the supermarket to pick up her usual: frozen pork medallions, sherbet and two bottles of wine. Alex prepares to spend his night bunking with security guard Walter at the office, watching video of samurai swords chopping meat. On the way into work the next morning, Emma pressures Helen to start going out to clubs again. After all, it's been a year since her fiance died. Alex calls Helen from his office, still wanting to know why they can't hook up - is it because they work together?

Alex and Helen proceed to the Omdyne conference room to coach CEO Polk on talking points: the salmonella outbreak should be referred to as "the recent incident," and since organic farming methods are responsible for the salmonella, the company will now use "Safe-Ganic" methods. Yes, it's a word they made up. Once Polk is making his statement, Alex presses on - why, why why? Helen decides it's time to help Alex so he'll stop bothering her... which means new clothes - a makeover! Helen busts into the dressing room, and pretty soon, the two of them start having fun. When Alex looks like he's going to move in for a kiss, Helen backs off - this is why men and women can't be friends. Now they're going to need a safe word. So is it potato or potahtoh?

Alex and Helen are late getting back to work, only to find Gregg and Dan in the conference room, running down a list of Alex's positives and negatives. Since Alex - and definitely not Gregg! - is going to be Dan's wingman, Dan has worked up a list of talking points which should play to Alex's PR strengths. But Alex has trouble lying - which makes his career choice more than a little ironic. When Emma enters with lunch, Dan wants Alex to try out his "banter," and Helen and Gregg throw morsels of advice. In his first try up at the banter bat, Alex fails miserably, sending Emma running from the room. Nevertheless, Helen decides Alex is ready to be a wingman; he'll start tomorrow night double-dating Julie, whose cat recently died.

Later that night, Alex hangs at the office with Walter, watching sword videos. Walter admires the shirt Alex bought with Helen - does Alex have a date? Yes, he does, and he's nervous. Meanwhile, Helen drinks a lot of wine and counts 22 separate photos of her dead fiance hanging throughout her living room. The next night, Helen buys a half-case of wine, then goes home to drink it while listening to ABBA and taking down the portraits of her dead fiance. Alex is just meeting Julie of the dead cat when Helen calls with the ABBA blasting. Sensing an entree, Alex ditches his date and makes a beeline for Helen's. Helen claims she's fine, but Alex knows he's not. He already cried during the first five minutes of his date. The next morning when Alex and Helen wake up together - again - Alex decides they need a new safe word. Pohtahtoh just ain't cuttin' it.