Family Tree Episode 1.04 Country Life

"We are spawned from the great Chadwick oak." -Tom

Tom Chadwick traces his American ancestry back to Charles and Rebecca Chadwick, who immigrated to England and had three children; Tom's great-grandfather Harry, Victoria and Brian. Tom plans to visit his great uncle's children, Graham and Ronnie, on their farm in Derbyshire. He also leaves a voicemail for his newly discovered relative in California, Alistair Chadwick Jr.

Pete Stupples' task for the week is to inseminate a female alpaca: "Typical me!" He shows the male alpaca a magazine picture of a female to get him in the mood. Pete admits that he'd like to have kids one day and imagines pushing his child on the swings. "I still love playgrounds, especially when drunk."

Tom models his farm outfit for Glenn Pfister and shares that he ran into his ex-girlfriend. Sarah is now dating a man named Clint. Tom comments on Sarah's red lipstick that he once loved, but she would never wear for him. "She looks like a big sexy clown mouth."

Tom's job interview takes a turn when he reveals he's unfamiliar with the industry standard software. He tries a direct approach, whispering to his interviewer, "Please give me a job."

"I don't trust nature. It's anarchy." -Keith 

Tom, Bea, Keith and Luba drive from London to their relatives' farm. After a detour for Luba's emergency bathroom break, the clan arrives and meets the redheaded Graham and Ronnie's wife Emma. Tom notes the unique aroma in the farm air. "It's the manure, I'm afraid," Emma replies.

Graham and Keith bond over their shared favorite TV program, "Move Along Please." Graham traded a picture of Julie Andrews for a signed headshot of the show's star, Richard Breen. Keith exclaims, "Well, you came out ahead!"

"I don't think I can castrate a lamb today, Ronnie." -Tom

Tom meets Ronnie Chadwick in a barn full of pregnant cows. Ronnie is a jokester who thinks it's hilarious to urge Tom to castrate a lamb with a set of clamps.

In the kitchen, Emma cooks dinner and sews a colorful dress. Luba is confused, "You steal from gypsy?" Emma explains the costume is for the village festival. Luba prefers her festival, which starts with "all the virgin go up to mountain to see magic chicken" and ends with dragons eating women's faces. "It's very fun, you must come," she says.

Tom gets a video call from Al and Kitty Chadwick. He remarks how bright it looks in California. Imitating English parlance, they suggest Tom come to visit. Tom accepts their invitation.

"We don't come from ass end of the horse, we come from front end." -Graham Chadwick

At dinner, Tom brings up William and Brian's falling out. Graham explains that it's because William told Brian who his real father was -- Harry's pantomime horse partner, Sid Baldacci Balducci "front-ended" Harry's wife Elsie. Graham is sure that Sid is Brian's father; a picture shows his great-grandfather also had red hair. Monkey sums up the revelation: "redheads are bastards."

On the way home, Tom stops at the cemetery to visit Brian Chadwick's grave. "You're next, Keith," Monkey points out. Tom notices Sydney Arthur Balducci's headstone, which is engraved with the front end of the horse. Tom decides he's going to California to pursue his family history and see "the sun, sea... and their other stuff."