Dancing with the Stars Episode 8.15

Team Tango gets the coveted encore slot, which means Lil' Kim's dancing the encore for the fourth week in a row. Yes, only two of them were solo and one was with, uh, everyone else, but still. In keeping with the minimal-clothing theme, we get to see Melissa's near-moonage again - I mean, her rehearsal jive. (She's still undergoing treatment... which includes three more layers of spray tan.) Ty gets our minds off it with some awesome smack talk to Len, saying he's better at dancing than how Len'd be at bull-riding. Oh, snap! Len on a bull? When (let's face it, it's not going to be "if") Ty gets eliminated, can he stick around just for the wit alone? If they can string along Kenny Mayne, they should snap Ty up ASAP. In other Ty news, did anyone else catch Bruno sniffing Ty's shirt in the Team Tango replay? Fetish?

Apparently no experts were available this week, so instead of more calorie-counting, we get celebrities trading in their day jobs for Dancing - "Ballroom Dancers of Genius." The only thing hardcore about Lil' Kim now is her paso doble. Really? Shawn needs a Mirrorball trophy to match her Olympic gold. Ty wants to be King of the Conga line. Gilles must represent his country... and baguettes. Notice how Melissa and Chuck are conspicuously absent from this. Because they have no careers?

Robin Thicke is in the house and is sweating beyond profusely. I can't help it, but he just makes me think of Alan, and thus, makes me want to watch Growing Pains and/or go here.

First safe couple:

Lil' Kim & Derek

The Perfect Partner segment... reminds me of Perfect Body, that 1997 gymnastics TV movie with Amy Jo Johnson in which she has an eating disorder. Anyone? No? Well, according to the three stooges, Chuck has the mental attitude. If by "mental attitude," you mean whining, then, yes. Gilles has arms. Ty has the core strength. Duh! Melissa's got the legs. Shawn has the best feet and Kim has the face. She's the Queen Bee, that's why!

Next safe couple:

Ty & Chelsie (Are pigs flying? Ty is not waiting until the last minute for once?)

And now, celebrity endorsements: Dance Match featuring first couple Chuck and Julianne, paired by Melissa. Of course the Bachelor reject would help others find true love! Did Julianne just spell out O-M-G? S-T-F-U. Lindsay Lohan wants her bit back, guys. What are you going to tell me next? Dance Match is not a match-making service, but a match-finding service? I can find spiritual completeness and attain a sense of wholeness in this cold, cruel world? I don't frequent these sites, I swear. Now the next one was kind of inspired - People for the Ethical Treatment of Dancers. Getting naked in the name of the "senselessly" injured celebrity + the use of strategically placed, uh, mirrorballs (no pun intended) = win! And, if I do say so myself, Mark looked pretty dishy in that black-and-white silhouette... kind of like Novak Djokovic, another tennis player. Seriously, where are my fellow tennis fans?

Next safe couple:

Gilles & Cheryl (go Team Tango!)

Pick a Pro

I kind of forgot about this. We're down to four: Genya Mazo, Afton DelGrosso, Mayo Alanen and Anna Demidova. Nepotism is still intact!

Genya & Afton: Quickstep

First of all, that dress is gorgeous on Afton. This is very peppy, but I'm not really feeling it. There is something "off" about each of them.

Mayo & Anna: Jive

Why are they paired again? Isn't this an unfair advantage? Oh, wait, this is Dancing. Who cares about unfair advantages? They don't really seem in sync here, but Mayo is all over this shiznit. Anna's working it too, so much so that I can't even remember who danced what 10 minutes ago.

Next safe couple:

Shawn & Mark (how cute was her reaction?)