Two new dances mean two celebrities get the boot this week on Dancing with the Stars, while Kevin Rudolf and Boyz II Men take the stage. So who, uh, reached the end of the road?
How is this going to work this week? Bottom four? Bottom three? Is there going to be a dance-off? I'm so confused. Anyhow, time for another recap of Monday night. Chuck will give Bruno a crispy pizza in exchange for an eight or a nine. It doesn't really work that way, hon. LT's disappointed and bitter. Holly apologizes for falling off the stool. Dmitry says it's OK... except that it's not... because he's lying. Cheryl's hitting on Gilles, or something to that effect.
And now for a nice treat: The encore is back - featuring, duh, Gilles and Cheryl. Does this mean there's no dance-off? Yes! Tom tells us there's no dance-off tonight since it's a double axing. Thank God. I don't need to see Holly fall and actually break a rib.
First two safe couples:
Gilles & Cheryl
Lawrence & Edyta
First couple in bottom 3:
Holly & Dmitry
After a rave featuring Kevin Rudolf and the pro gals in their best pleather dominatrix gear (it's either that or GLAD bags), Samantha grills LT on his frustration with the dances and scores. Apparently Edyta didn't get the dial-down-the-pep memo because if it weren't for her, you'd think he was in danger of leaving. Try to enjoy it, dude. Elsewhere, Bruno the Oompa Loompa does something naughty. Maybe he got his crispy pizza? I don't know what that means.
Another safe couple:
Shawn & Mark
Next week, half of the couples will dance the Viennese waltz, which apparently we need a refresher for (courtesy of Louis van Amstel) even though we've seen it for three straight seasons already. Hey, how about you show me the rumba you've featured since forever? At least Cloris is nowhere near the premises.
Another safe couple:
Chuck & Julianne
Second couple in bottom 3:
Steve-O & Lacey
Now is more fluff, but good fluff. Marshmallow fluff. Boyz II Men is here, hopefully to belt out "End of the Road." Heh. But it's Motown Philly that's back again, minus one, of course. Who do you think you are? American Idol? I kid. I don't even watch Idol. Shawn Stockman looks exactly the same as he did 20 years ago and is still skinny as hell. How do you do it, man? Steve-O seems completely resigned to going home at this point. Whatever happens is what's supposed to happen? Sure, but c'mon. Even Holly's faking it better. No pun intended. Sam wants to know how he'd feel "if tonight ended the rest of this competition for you." Like a champion, godammit! Steve-O's not used to dealing with pressure without drugs and alcohol... so this is a step in the right direction? Dancing: My Anti-Drug. By the way, what's with the judges praising everyone except Steve-O in that contestant package? I don't like ominous foreshadowing.
Two more safe couples:
Lil Kim & Derek
Melissa & Tony
Finally, after Percentage Conversion for Dummies/shameless plug for AT&T (a scoring package in laymen's terms), we learn Steve and Karina are in the bottom three, which means Ty and Chelsie, and David and Kym are safe.
So who's bouncing?
Holly & Dmitry... and... Steve & Karina. And they exit as "End of the Road" blares over the speaks. Oh, show. And to think I was going to go to bed disappointed.
America did good, no? The brains and the blond are gone. I have absolutely no objections. I liked Holly and her attitude, but she just never delivered. Woz was, well, 'nuff said. At least Karina and Maks can plan their wedding now.