Better Off Ted Episode 2.01 Love Blurts

To save money on health care, Veridian plays matchmaker for its employees. The company posts a list of single workers they think should date each other based on genetic compatibility. Ted and Linda aren't listed as a possible match for each other. Bummer, right? They make a pact to not participate in the company dating game.

Ted meets Danielle, a pretty co-worker who happens to be his top compatibility match. They both love chili dogs and their favorite movie is Caddyshack. It's a Cinderella story! Later, Linda meets Greg (guest star Taye Diggs, taking a break from Private Practice), the handsome, charming guy who happens to be her numero uno on that compatibility list. Remember that pact Ted and Linda made? History.

Phil is bummed when he gets an email from the company offering him a free vasectomy. Apparently, they don't want him to procreate. Lem has the opposite problem when Veronica informs him that she wants to freeze his sperm to keep her future baby options open. There's a man with a cup waiting for him on the eighth floor.

Fearing Veronica has no maternal instincts, Lem asks Ted for help. Phil also needs an assist when the company refuses to release his medical records. Ted says he'll talk to Veronica for Lem and get the medical records for Phil. Then he plans to rescue a beautiful young lady from a Ted-less existence. Inspiring moments like this are the reason Lem and Phil draw pictures of him as a superhero named AquaTed.

Linda is totally into Greg until he gives her the 411 on his hobby. Twice a week, he likes to dress up in a totally realistic bear suit and hang out in the park. It makes him feel powerful. Meanwhile, Ted and Danielle don't waste any time testing their compatibility in the bedroom. This was truly a great first date until Ted blurts out, “I love you.” He tries to do damage control by adding “tah” to the end of the comment so it sounds like he said “I love Utah.” Hey, who doesn't? Colorful cliffs... Great snow...Donny and Marie...

Things snowball and Ted makes up a story about growing up on an Indian reservation in the Beehive State. Linda mocks him when she catches him making up words to prove his Native American heritage. Later, to hide the “bear” facts about her bad date, Linda agrees to see Greg again. Maybe they can go to the park.

Ted tells Veronica she has a couple of unhappy scientists walking the halls of Veridian. Phil is so bummed that he's resigned himself to getting the free vasectomy. Lem, on the other hand, wants Veronica to stop pressuring him for his sperm because, well, guys hate that.

Veronica plays hardball with the company and ultimately steals Phil's medical file for him. As it turns out, corporate wants him to get the vasectomy because his sperm count is off the charts. The amount of kids he could have would cost Veridian a fortune in health care costs.

Lem is impressed at how protective Veronica was of Phil. Maybe she does have good maternal instincts. He gives her a fresh helping of his DNA. Unfortunately, he does so in front of a team of NASA officials who had stopped by for the super fast-growing edible moss Veridian has been developing. It's okay, Lem. As far as we know, there are no set etiquette rules for presenting a woman with a cup of sperm.

Ted finally tells Danielle the truth and she promptly dumps him. Linda's relationship with Greg also goes south after Animal Control shoots him with a tranquilizer in the park. Linda says, “Who would have guessed it would be a bad idea to let a giant corporation's financial agenda dictate who we date?” Guess Ted and Linda will have to do things the old-fashioned way. We just wish they'd hurry it up a bit.