AceShowbiz - Lena Dunham's motherhood obsession went into overdrive after her uterus and an ovary were removed to treat her chronic endometriosis.
The "Girls" creator and star has documented her feelings in an essay for the December (20) issue of Harper's Magazine, explaining the moment she lost her "fertility" she started "searching for a baby".
"I have loved being a woman, but I have hated operating the equipment," Lena writes, revealing she became obsessed with getting pregnant from her hospital bed, and immersed herself in the world of corporate reproduction, seeking out specialists and surrogates, and following hashtags to online communities of women desperate to conceive.
Dunham also shares extracts from her new memoir, "False Labor", with the publication, revealing she always felt worthy of becoming a mum, despite her health issues and past drug abuse problems.
"What were five holes in my stomach and a Vicodin habit twenty milligrams deep?" she explains. "Michael Jackson dangled his baby from a hotel balcony for everyone to see, and he got to keep it... I earnestly committed to becoming a woman worthy of the most f**k-you baby shower in American history."
"I was another cocky woman-to-be, sure that I would have what I wanted because I wanted it. Because I had always gotten it. Because the world told me it was mine to take."
But she made some missteps in her quest to become a mum: "I was weeks out of a nearly six-year relationship and I'd hurled myself into a renewed romance with the first guy I had ever really kissed..."
"I tried to have a child. Along the way, my body broke. My relationship did, too. In the process - because of it? - I became a functional junkie. I had lost my way."