Small Town Security Episode 2.08 The Man Makes the Suit

At JJK, Irwin takes a call from a woman on his cell phone. "Who the hell is that?" Joan asks. "Obviously you're hiding something." Christa asks if the caller was "f---able"? Irwin says he doesn't know personally, but guesses, "Yeah." Joan tells Irwin he doesn't have a reason to look at other girls: "I'm perfect in bed and I can back that up," she says.

Later, Irwin gives Christa a stack of good sales leads for her to follow up on.

Joan, meanwhile, asks Brian to make her cheese toast. When Brian goes into the kitchen, the dishes are piled high and the trashcan is overflowing. "Probably a year's worth of cooties all over the place," says Brian. In the conference room, he points out a chair with "bird poo" on it and dog poop on the floor. "Okay, that's a lost cause," says Brian, after showing the cameras Irwin's office. "This is getting to be a little bit too much," Brian despairs of the mess.

Dennis, dressed in a new suit, goes to have a mammogram and surgery consultation to have his chest reconstructed from female to male. "I hope this still fits well when this is all over," he says of the suit. "Hopefully I'll be able to look at my chest and feel proud."

At the office, Irwin asks what a mammogram is. Christa explains, "You have to put your boobs into a thing and--" then she makes a slurping sound. "Is it a thing where breast milk squeezes out?" asks Irwin.

Capt. Starr walks in the door and reports that his breasts are healthy enough to be removed. Joan asks Dennis if he stills wants to go through with it. "I've been wanting to go through with this for a long time," he says.

Joan reminisces about a time when she and Capt. Starr, then Denise, went to a restaurant and Capt. Starr looked like Sharon Stone. "You were very sexy-looking," says Joan. Irwin agrees that Dennis was very attractive as a woman. "That wasn't me," says Dennis.Christa, on the way to her sales calls, tries to pump herself up with cigarettes and heavy metal music. "Alright, I'm ready," she declares. On her first pitch, she tours a restaurant that has goats roaming a large backyard. The restaurant manager explains that the goats keep the lawn cut.

Afterwards Irwin asks Christa how her sales calls went. "It's hard, Major," she admits. Brian tells Christa she should be helping him clean the office more. Christa says she wouldn't mind cleaning, but "I need to start with something that's a lot cleaner than this."

Out on patrol, Joan and Capt. Starr discuss the upcoming surgery. Joan realizes Dennis will soon be able to walk around with his shirt off. She grumbles, but Capt. Starr reminds Joan that she was the "catalyst" for his transition.

At the JJK office, Joan talks about her last stomach virus: The only way she could "make doody," she says, is by lying on the couch. She admits she got some of it got on the futon, but she flipped the cushion over. Irwin says the good Lord threw away the mold when he made Joan. "Well did the good Lord also intend for her to s--- on the couch?" asks Brian.

Brian and Christa decide to hire a cleaning crew while Capt. Starr, Joan and Irwin are in Atlanta for the surgery. One cleaner asks whether a stick leaning against the wall in the conference room is one of Irwin's infamous "poop sticks." Christa, meanwhile, has a goat named Rosie delivered to the office to keep the grass cut. "How much thought have you put into this?" asks Brian.

At the doctor's office, the doctor marks Capt. Starr's chest and draws the placement for his new nipples.

The cleaning crew leaves and Christa waves goodbye to the "doodie mattress." Brian and Christa put the finishing touches on the office, hanging up clean towels, picking up the remaining poop sticks and taking out the trash.

Joan and Irwin wait with Capt. Starr before his surgery. "This is probably the happiest day of your life, right?" asks Joan, explaining that she doesn't mean to act cynically about Dennis's transition. The nurses come to take Capt. Starr into surgery. "Love you," says Joan, holding back tears.

Irwin, Joan, and Capt. Starr arrive back at JJK. Joan is happy with the clean office and promises not to "make a doodie" on the new futon. Brian asks how Capt. Starr is feeling with his new male chest. "There is a significant change for me," he says. Joan tells Christa that the goat has to go.

Weeks later, the JJK gang has a barbeque. Capt. Starr shows off his flat chest in a white tank top. Then he goes inside and emerges in a brand new, militaristic dress uniform. "Diesel, that is gorgeous," exclaims Joan. "Where in the hell did you get that?"

Capt. Starr says he wishes he could bottle his happiness at that moment, so that "anyone else who's ever felt restricted could take a breath from it, so they can feel the same thing."