On slow days, Earl and Randy like to bet on who will be the next person to come through the door at the Crab Shack. Both Earl and Randy are scared when Camden's Crazy Witch Lady enters, having heard that if her shadow falls upon you, your blood freezes and your heart falls out of your butt. Nevertheless, Earl has to talk to her, since she's #187 on his list.
Every town has a spooky old lady who lives in an even spookier old house. Crazy Witch Lady's house was right on young Earl's way to school, so he used to ride his bike through her yard, and she would chase him with her broom. Young Earl comes up with a plan to get even, putting glue on the broom, and food coloring in Crazy Witch Lady's cold cream. Then he calls 911 and rides through her yard. When the cop spies a green-faced hag that refuses to surrender her broom, he tasers her.
After apologizing, Earl finally learns Crazy Witch Lady's name -- Griselda Weezmer. What can Earl do to earn her forgiveness? Mrs. Weezmer admits that she gets lonely, and invites Earl over for tea. Meanwhile, Joy makes fun of Mrs. Weezmer, despite Darnell's protests. Darnell tells Joy that she is mean, but she thinks she's just funny.
Refusing to go into Mrs. Weezmer's house, Randy waits in the car while Earl has tea. Earl is just reaching the conclusion that Mrs. Weezmer isn't crazy when he passes out -- Mrs. Weezmer has drugged his tea! Earl wakes up in chains in the basement. Mrs. Weezmer admits that she hadn't thought about Earl in years, until he apologized. That brought back all the other mean things people have done to her over the years, and made her want to lure him to her lair.
When Earl doesn't return, Randy nervously knocks on Mrs. Weezmer's door. Claiming that Earl is playing with her wrestling action figures while watching naughty movies, Mrs. Weezmer lures Randy inside, and pretty soon he's chained in the basement as well. Earl tries to talk Mrs. Weezmer into releasing them and forgetting the whole thing, but she's having too much fun. It turns out that Randy was mean to Mrs. Weezmer, too, having once thrown a bucket of water at her so she would melt.
While Joy discovers that most people in Camden agree that she is mean, Mrs. Weezmer throws two more burlap bags down the stairs, containing Stuart and Kenny. Although Kenny claims he's innocent of any wrongdoing, Stuart remembers the time he responded to a call from Mrs. Weezmer. Stuart told her that the graffiti on her home is her fault, since she's a whack job. In Stuart's experience, people don't get out of situations like this; cops find skeletons chained in basements all the time.
Determined to prove she's a secretly nice person, Joy leaves the Crab Shack when Mrs. Weezmer asks for a favor. Before long, Joy is chained in the basement with the guys. Luckily, she has her cell phone, so she calls Darnell. Just then Darnell tumbles down the stairs. It turns out that once Darnell was asking a bar patron "which lady," and Mrs. Weezmer thought he was referring to her. Joy can't believe that she married someone who's nicer than Jesus; it makes her want to kill someone.
Before long Catalina and Patty join the gang in the basement. Everyone's surprised to learn that Patty is actually Mrs. Weezmer's daughter -- she took her dad's side in the divorce. Mrs. Weezmer announces that the basement is getting too crowded and she has lots more people to kidnap. She's going to stab someone to death, and leaves the gang to decide who the first victim will be. Within minutes, everyone is arguing and calling each other names.
Earl points out that everyone is doing exactly what they did to Mrs. Weezmer -- name calling and labeling. Maybe karma wants them to learn that when you label someone, you stop seeing them as a real person. Pretty soon, the victim turns into their label, unable to see themself as real person. Who can blame Mrs. Weezmer for acting crazy?
Mrs. Weezmer overhears Earl and comes down to the basement to talk. Earl explains that they drove her to act crazy, and now it's all okay. When Earl gives Mrs. Weezmer a hug, she stabs him. Patty throws her shoe at her mother, knocking her out, as Catalina rushes to collect the witch's tears so she can live forever.
Mrs. Weezmer is relegated to a home for the mentally frazzled, but her former captives are changed forever, and make the effort not to let labels define them. Joy gets nicer and Darnell gets meaner, Earl puts his list in a drawer, and Patty decides to act like her mother's daughter. After a while, Mrs. Weezmer regains her identity as a mother, and is allowed to come home. This gives everyone a chance to treat her like a real person.