Episode PremiereDecember 11, 2008
Show Period2005 - 2009
Production CompanyAmigos de Garcia Prod., Fox TV
Kath and Kim sit in the kitchen when Phil brings in a Juice Man he bought while shopping for a man groomer. Phil wants to have "juice night" tomorrow, but Kath reminds him of their social life: seeing all the Christmas festivities around town. Kim scoffs, saying Kath and Phil have no social life, they only hang out with each other. Kath protests; they have plenty of friends. Kim changes her status on MySpace to "single," which Kath says she's doing just to drive Craig "bonker doo."
At work, Craig tells his co-worker Derrick that the MySpace rep said the site is working fine, and Kim did indeed change her own profile and to please stop calling them. Derrick says Kim just did it to get to him and they should go out clubbing for a little payback. In the middle of their night out, Craig makes an annoyed Derrick drive him to Kim's house to talk to her for a couple minutes. As Derrick waits in the car, Craig manages to trip over or set off every noise-making obstacle in his path, startling Phil from his sleep.
A panicked Phil herds Kath to the bathtub while he investigates. Craig tosses rocks at Kim's window to try to wake her as Phil screams at him, asking him what he wants. Meanwhile, a concerned neighbor asks Derrick his business there. Craig can't hear Phil, and Phil doesn't have a clear view of Craig. Phil panics and hurls the Juice Man at him through the sliding door glass. Craig runs, begging Phil not to shoot him in the face. When the neighbor threatens to call 911, Derrick puts it in gear, only to hit Craig on his mad dash to the car. It's okay though, he's not hurt.
The next day, Kath blames Kim for the fiasco. She says she pushed Craig to the limit with her MySpace status change. Kim tells Kath that she and Craig are seeing a lawyer because they're suing Derrick for "running over" Craig. Kath is appalled at her daughter, whom she did not raise to be litigious. Kim says maybe if Kath got a life and some friends, she wouldn't have to be in their business. Kath takes the cut to heart.
At the mall, Phil is angry about not being able to protect Kath last night. Kath notices a bunch of friends having a good time a table next to them and points them out to Phil. Kath says they have a lot to offer people, he's a foodie with great stories and she's a stylista. Phil agrees, "We might as well face it. We're a power couple." Kath suggests buying a margarita mixer instead of a new juicer and throwing a Christmas party. Phil thinks that's a good idea.
At the lawyer's office, Craig protests; he just sprained his thumb and thinks he might have done it before the accident. Kim tells him to shut it, but Craig just isn't comfortable suing Derrick and losing the friendship. Kim reminds him that they're suing his insurance company, and asks the lawyer if they can get $1.5 million like it says on his ad. He blandly replies that someone would have to die for that, but he can get them $10-12,000. Craig begs Kim to let him have just one friend, but Kim gets him to reluctantly sign the retainer.
Pete, a mall security guard, and his wife Lucy stop by to chat with Phil and Kim. Pete says he doesn't consider himself a hero for reducing the violent crime rate at the mall, "But am I? Yeah." Pete asks Phil about the "incident" at his home. Phil plays it down, and then takes him aside to ask if he'll teach him some self-defense moves in case a real intruder comes to their home. Kath approaches with Lucy, and invites the couple to their first annual Christmas bash. They accept, but Pete makes Phil uncomfortable when he hints at couple-swapping.
As Kim watches TV, Kath, Phil and Craig prepare for the party. Phil says that Pete invited the whole mall. Kath asks Kim to help, but she doesn't want to since "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" is about to start. Kath teases her for not having friends to invite and gloats at how the tables have turned. Kim says she has a friend, Tina. Craig reminds her that Tina "totally "skeeves her out." Kim doesn't care. She's only inviting her to spite her mom.
At the party, only Pete, Lucy and Tina have showed up. Pete tells an awed Phil how he stopped a moviegoer who tried to see a second flick for free. Phil says he's a chump for saying nothing to the kids who refill their Subway cups for free at his soda stand. Pete demonstrates conquering fear by placing his hand over a candle, but only succeeds in burning himself. Tina asks why they aren't at Craig's work party. Craig explains it's because everyone hates him for suing Derrick and he'd certainly end up with body fluids in his food. Kim learns about a raffle for a Bahamas day trip and wants to go.
A party bus arrives packed with mall employees who flood the place. Kath and Phil are excited. The bus honks, and the organizer screams a two-minute warning to get back on the bus. The crowd disperses, and Craig, Tina and Kim use them as cover to escape. Outside in their car, Craig complains to Kim that none of this would have happened if she hadn't changed her MySpace profile. Kim tells Craig she changed her profile back to married as a Christmas present, even though he ruined it. Craig is "so totally rocked by this news."
Derrick approaches their car, astounded that they're even trying to party with them since he's suing him. Kim says they aren't suing him, they're suing his insurance company. Derrick says they just don't get it. Kim tells Derrick she's not going to tell him how America works. Craig doesn't want to go into the party. Kim relents and pulls out. Derrick sticks his foot under the tire and they run over it... twice. Limping, he promises not to sue if they won't. "Good one, Derrick." Kim says, impressed. "God bless America," he grimaces.
At the party, Lucy and Pete are still there. Lucy has really enjoyed Kath and Phil's company. Both Pete and Phil say they have an idea at the same time, but Pete lets Phil go first. He suggests going to a free Paul Sorvino concert at the VA Hospital, and wonders if Pete had the same idea. Nope, Pete wants to swap sex partners. Phil and Kath are appalled, and refuse. Things get physical when Pete takes the rejection as an insult to his wife. Kath gets both in a hold while Phil gets their coats to kick them out.
Phil and Kath discuss the previous night. Phil says when she came to his defense he felt... "Emasculated," Kath says, finishing his sentence. "No...I was going to say proud," Phil says. Oops. Lounging, Kath and Kim discuss the 13 times Pamela Anderson has been on the cover of Playboy. "Twelve," Pam Anderson says, surprising the both of them. They wonder if they're dreaming. Pam thinks she is. "Wow, Pam Anderson dreams about us," Kim says. Phil and Craig creep in, asking if they can be in the dream too. "No," Pam says.