Marry Me Episode 1.09 Test Me

The gang is stuck shopping for baby gifts for Libby and What's-His-Name's baby shower; they're so tired of spending money on overpriced gifts and going to showers for this kid. But they can't just drop them as friends because What's-His-Name is a fertility doctor and Jake and Annie have an appointment with him to get their junk tested. The only problem is that nobody knows the doctor's first name. His last name is definitely Berman, but other than that it's anyone's guess.

At the party, Dr. What's-His-Name Berman corners Jake in the nursery and starts casually listing all the different ways one's sperm could be unusable. Apparently every aspect of Jake's lifestyle, from keeping his phone in his pocket to wearing spandex bike shorts, is killing off his sperm one by one. Needless to say, Jake is completely freaked out.

Meanwhile, Dennah tries to get What's-His-Name to check out a weird mark on her neck, but he says he's had too many Bellinis to take a look. He does, however, make sure to terrify her by indicating that whatever it is, it's probably life-threatening. Two-for-two! This Berman guy has some incredible bedside manner...

Later, Annie goes looking for Jake and finds him cowering in fear in the nursery. Oblivious to his distress, she starts speaking her mind on how she really feels about the Bermans' bundle of joy.

"I'm going to say what everybody else is thinking: That baby looks like a pile of wet washcloths with beady eyes."

"It's like, 'honey, I shrunk the Don Rickles!" Jake adds, adding that after their appointments Tuesday, they're never seeing these people again.

Annie then points out that their appointments are Monday, not Tuesday, causing Jake to awkwardly make up reasons why he's too busy Monday to go to the doctor. He left his Tuesday all clear, but his Monday... now that's a problem. In fact, he's going to be super busy for the next few months.

That night, Annie confides to Kay that Jake is acting really weird and she thinks Dr. What's-His-Name said something to him to freak him out. Kay suggests looking at the nanny cam footage from the nursery. Annie thinks this is a genius idea, so she calls up Libby and invites herself over to check out the nanny cam. As it turns out, the Bermans are planning to watch the video after dinner to see everyone's candid reactions to their horrible owl-themed nursery.

Oh no! Annie and Jake not only trashed their friends' ridiculous owl obsession, but they insulted the baby and compared it to Don Rickles - all of which would have been caught on camera!

"So you're saying if someone spit out a bad bite of steak tartar into a baby blanket and stuffed it behind an owl-themed dresser, that would also be on that tape?" Kay asks.

"Of course that's what I'm saying!" Annie cries, as they race out the door, determined to beat the Bermans to their own nanny cam.

When the confused couple opens the door, Annie and Kay push past the couple and race to the nursery to get another glimpse at their adorable bundle of joy. But before they can steal the camera, the Bermans follow them in, so Kay suggests they close their eyes as Annie performs one of her famous blessings on the baby. Surprisingly, the terrible plan works, and Annie and Kay make it back to Annie's place with the tape.

Upon watching it, Annie immediately realizes two things. One, she looks great in the grainy footage and should probably make a sex tape. And two, What's-His-Name scared the crap out of Jake. Annie calls up Jake, who is in hiding at Gil's house, and begs him to come home and stop freaking out. They're both scared that their "junk might be junky," but they'll figure it out together as a couple.

So Jake and Annie finally make it to their appointments, only to find that there are about a million Dr. Bermans in the medical building. After going through the list, they think Michael is the right Berman and head upstairs to his office. Jake then goes to deposit his sample in the restroom, but while he's gone, Annie looks around and realizes they're in a pediatrician's office! She starts banging on the door and begs Jake to come out, but he can't hear her because he's watching a little inspirational video with headphones on.

That's when Dr. Michael Berman, wearing a clown wig for the kids, hears the commotion and reassures Annie that children often lock themselves in the bathroom. It's hard to tell who is more shocked when Dr. Michael opens the door - the doctor for finding a man giving a sperm sample in a pediatrician's bathroom or Jake for being barged in on by a giant clown while giving a sperm sample.

After riding the elevator of shame down, Jake and Annie run into the real Dr. Berman, as well as Gil and Dennah, in the lobby. Dennah is heading upstairs to get her neck thing checked out, but What's-His-Name takes a look and informs her it's just dirt on her neck and she should probably shower more. He then leads Jake and Annie up to his office, and as he unlocks the door, they see his first name on it: Jake! As they not-so-stealthily whisper about how they can't believe they didn't remember the name Jake, Dr. Berman realizes they never knew his first name. He then, understandably, slams the door in their faces. So much for getting tested!