Sam rescues panicky whales Jason and Geoff from a strip club. They have to meet their wives and they stink of pole sweat. Sam promises to get them situated. Delinda sends Piper to poach a bartender like Tom Cruise in "Cocktail." The bar's in a seedy neighborhood, so Delinda insists Piper take Mike along. Cooper hands Danny the revenue report. The Montecito's back in the black, so Cooper wants to build an ice bar. Danny points out that there's already an ice bar in town, so Cooper gives him 24 hours to come up with a cooler idea.
Sam arranges a session for Jason and Geoff with the legendary "Cleaner," who can erase all traces of debauchery, and create plausible excuses for lie-sniffing wives. The guys are honored and amazed, but the Cleaner tells Sam he's retiring. Chucky P is an amazing bartender, but Piper's poaching skills leave a little to be desired. She and Mike start off doing shots, then wake up in bed next to each other wearing nothing but wedding rings. They scream in shock.
Neither Piper nor Mike remembers exactly what happened, but they're already acting like a married couple. They pry their rings off and promise not to tell anyone, especially Cooper. Delinda thinks Cooper's ice bar is a great idea. Danny tells her she's obligated to support him. She will - if he comes up with a better idea. Jason and Geoff thank Sam, hoping to set up another date with the Cleaner, whom they revere like Yoda. When they promise to up their play to $1.5 million, it's a done deal.
Mike asks Danny about Piper, beginning a conversation of misunderstandings. Mike thinks Danny set the whole thing up as a practical joke, and inadvertently spills the beans. Danny promises complete confidentiality. Meanwhile, Piper spills the beans to Delinda, who thinks it makes perfect sense, since Piper and Mike's planets are aligned. She promises not to say a word. Delinda and Danny bump into each other in the casino and figure out they both know the biggest secret ever, without noticing Cooper eavesdropping.
Jason and Geoff bring more men to their session with the Cleaner. The Cleaner's not sure he can finish in time. He needs help, and the only one who can do it is his grandson Herbert. Sam promises to round him up. Cooper spies Mike and Piper having their first argument as man and wife, which concludes with both of them insisting they get divorced today. After Piper stalks off, Cooper offers Mike the number of his friend, Judge Ferguson.
Despite a tradition of five generations, Herbert refuses to join his grandfather, preferring to work as a women's rights activist. Sam lies and says the Cleaner told her that she can clean as well as Herbert and leaves. Cooper tells Danny that after he presents his bar idea, they'll have to pick one. They can have the department heads vote, but Danny claims they'll pick the guy who signs their checks. Cooper offers to even the stakes with a secret ballot.
Mike promises Piper he's out of fight mode. He offers Ferguson's number, but Piper is reluctant to accept Cooper's help. They're flirting and getting to know each other when Piper's phone rings - the wedding video is ready. Mike and Piper are mortified, In the video, she admits she wants him to see her as a challenge, and he admits he watches her from security all day, which Piper thinks is hot. Piper and Mike are the cutest couple ever, and the chapel plans to put the video on the front page of their website.
Herbert visits his grandfather, quickly proving himself to be an even better cleaner. When he thinks the Cleaner is trying to drag him back into the game, he leaves. Sam tries to reassure the Cleaner that people like her build shrines to people like him. But the Cleaner doesn't want a shrine, he wants a legacy. Even though Danny and Delinda didn't tell anyone about Mike and Piper, the whole casino knows. Delinda decides to throw them an annulment party so they can own it, and the jokes will stop.
Piper tells Cooper she doesn't need his help - the judge's phone number - but Cooper insists that it's Mike who's helping Piper, not him. That night, Mike calls Piper from bed, to check on his wife on their last night of being married. They admit it's been the perfect drunken sham marriage, then make a date to get annulled and hang up sadly. The next morning, Delinda tells Mike to reconsider and stay married. Some things are meant to be, and Mike is a Huxtable waiting to happen. Mike hides in his office.
When Herbert refuses to take over for the Cleaner, Sam tells him to go ahead and be average - he won't be able to sleep at night. Sam returns to the Cleaner's suite to help him out, when Herbert arrives to clean stripper skank like poetry in motion. Danny asks Mike, who wears his wedding ring covered with cardboard, if he's been crying. Mike denies it, but wonders if Piper is the best thing he'll ever meet. Danny tells Mike to look around him at the panoramic view of hot women, has a flash of brilliance and runs off.
Mike and Piper meet with Judge Ferguson as he is being massaged. He's brought the papers, and all they have to do is sign. Piper comments that it's a bigger moment than she thought it would be. Sam congratulates Herbert, but he claims it's a one time thing, despite Sam's offer to give him a permanent suite. At a meeting of the department heads, Danny presents his concept of a glass rooftop bar with a panoramic view of Las Vegas.
Everyone loves Danny's idea, but they vote for Cooper's ice bar anyway. Cooper overrides the vote, admitting that Danny's idea is better. Sam brings a bevy of beautiful ladies in need of cleaning to Herbert and the Cleaner, turning Herbert around. Delinda introduces Neo, who provides entertainment for Mike and Piper's annulment party. Delinda can tell by looking at them that Mike and Piper didn't get annulled, and they're still wearing their rings, albeit covered. Delinda divines that Cooper won't be happy, but Mike and Piper will be.