Kath & Kim Episode 1.04 Money

Kath asks Kim about her upcoming wedding, "What if I have a night wedding, marrying Phil Knight, at night?" Kim thinks they should elope since having a big wedding is stupid. Kath asks, "Is Cinderella stupid? Is Princess Di stupid? They had big weddings." She tells Kim to get on board, then drags her to a wedding gown store and tries on several dresses. Both love the tackiest one, a pink Bo-Peep disaster that would have the late Mr. Blackwell turning in his grave. Kim says she'll dress in a foxy handmaiden's outfit. Kath gushes about having a fairytale wedding with a pumpkin carriage.

At the sandwich shop, Phil creates a new sandwich, the Kath and Phil, "that tastes like the love we make." Kim blurts out that they should serve it at their fairytale wedding. "What fairytale wedding?" Phil asks. Kath signals Kim to zip it, then tells Phil, "Nothing." Kath tells Kim that Phil wants a small wedding because he's still self-conscious about having been overweight. Kim sees Craig, decides to say hi. He says she looks hot. She looks at him like he just sprouted horns. Craig bores her with tidbits about Rottweilers, until he mentions the puppies sell for $1,000 each. Suddenly, Kim is interested in Craig again.

While Kath learns that pumpkin carriages are expensive, Kim and Angel search the Internet and find that one can make a lot of money breeding Rottweilers. After asking if the carriage is cheaper without the horse, say, if she hooked it up to her car, Kath reserves it even though she's not sure she can afford it. Kim goes to Craig's, bearing gifts and treats for Ginger the Rottweiler. Craig finds a mate for her online and when he sees Kim feeding Ginger, he gets emotional about "having his two best girls in the house again." Kim could care less, as she's only interested in the money-making dog.

During their walk, Kath rushes off from Phil, saying she has a "thing." Phil thinks it's odd, especially when she takes a rain check on sushi. At the hair salon, Kath is triple booked with clients, tending to each and watching that money pile grow. At the sandwich shop, Phil tries to interest Craig in the "Kath and Phil" sandwich. Phil tells Craig he thinks Kath is hiding something and wonders if she may be getting cold feet. Kath doesn't know this, but he's been left at the altar three times, and all were big weddings. "Big weddings, Phil Knight - they're no ham and cheese."

Craig and Kim meet with Luke and Ruth, the owners of the Rottweiler stud. Ruth is clearly skeptical of the two and constantly interrupts Luke. After they make the deal, Luke apologizes for Ruth, saying she's jealous of any bitch that mates with their dog. In fact, it's a big problem for him, he says and walks off. Kim looks around their yard and sees a few junked cars and a boat. Despite the low-rent neighborhood and its rusted yard decorations, Kim thinks they're loaded because of the sheer amount of them. She wonders why everyone doesn't breed dogs.

At the pumpkin carriage rental, Kath is a couple hundred dollars short. Warren, the rental agent, tells her that a couple who look like they're out of Trailer Park Weekly magazine, have the entire deposit in hand. Kath says she can have it by the end of the week, and begs Warren to help her realize her fairytale wedding. Warren understands, but says that the McCormick's have the entire amount. Kath throws a tantrum to rival any Bridezilla and says she has to have the carriage.

Kim calls Craig at the store to tell him that Ginger is in heat and that they have to get to the breeders right away. Craig asks if she's urinating, and Kim says like Niagara Falls. Then, in front of about ten customers, he asks, "Are her teats swollen?" Then tells her she has to go down and feel them. "They're like nubs," he says, as the shocked customers listen. Kim says, "Just come home before she gets unswollen, or whatever," and hangs up. Left with the staring customers, Craig explains, "Just talkin' 'bout my bitch."

Kath calls Kim, hysterical that she didn't get the carriage. Phil stops by, looking for Kath. Kim tells him about the carriage and how upset she is over it. She blames him, since he "wants a teeny tiny sad wedding because he's still fat in his head." Kath won't ask him to help because she doesn't want to upset him. Kim's friend stops by, asking her if she wants a dog, since the shelter closed. Led into a frenzy by the scent of a dog in heat, the dogs break out of her car and go for Ginger. It's an all out hump fest as Kim helplessly watches.

At home, Kath can't get in touch with Phil. Kim says they shouldn't get married because they are constantly arguing. Craig stops by to take Ginger to the breeders but Kim doesn't want to go with him. Kath says she should tell him what happened. Kim doesn't care; he'll find out in 63 days. They hear a commotion outside, and Kath runs out to see Phil, dressed as a prince, at the helm of the horse-drawn pumpkin coach. Kath is completely surprised and swept off her feet as Kim and Craig, and most of the neighbors, watch.

Later, Kath and Kim sit poolside reading the tabloids. Kim says Ginger is looking really nasty and must have about 20 puppies in there. "Her milk thingies are practically dragging on the ground." Kath says Craig's spending puppy money that he doesn't have, buying himself a mountain bike. Kim shows Kath the Uggs Craig bought her, "just like Jennifer Aniston's." Kath says if Kim doesn't tell Craig about the dogs, she will. Kim mentions that he bought Kath and Phil a Sirius radio as a wedding present. At that, Kath says, "Maybe it's best I stay out of it, then."