Kath & Kim Episode 1.01 Pilot

A happy Kath Day works out on her Tony Little Gazelle and talks on the phone to her boyfriend. Her newlywed daughter Kim barges into the house, surprising her, saying she's getting a divorce. "It's over," Kim says, spelling it out, "O-v-u-r." She's leaving because her husband wants her to cook and clean. She goes to her room and can't believe that her mom got rid of her stuff and turned the room into Curves.

Kath looks at her sulking self-absorbed daughter eating on the couch and thinks how she gave up her life for Kim. Now it was supposed to be "Kath time." She asks Kim what she thought marriage was going to be. "I didn't sign up for cooking dinner or being interested in how anyone's day was. I'm a trophy wife, after all." Kim says.

Kath tells her daughter that she has a new boyfriend, Phil Knight. Kim asks who the loser is. Kath says he's not a loser. Kim says all her boyfriends are losers, like the guy that lived in the ice cream truck or the fat guy who she gave all her money to. Craig barges in and begs Kim to come back. He says all he wanted her to do was microwave dinner. They can't go to Applebee's every night; they are not billionaires. Craig leaves, and Kim watches their wedding video... where Craig gets in a fight with the best man.

Kath practices her conversational skills and best looks in the mirror to prepare for her date with Phil, who she thinks is going to propose tonight. Phil arrives and Kath calls him a sexy beast. Kim glares at Phil when he says, "It's a pleasure to meet the daughter of the lady who rocks my world." Kath goes to get her purse and Phil tries to talk to Kim, who sullenly walks away. He tries again, telling her to come to his sandwich island in the mall. "Anything you want is on the hizzy," Phil says. He asks her what she does for a living. She tells him she's a trophy wife.

Just as Kath is leaving for her date, Kim throws a guilt trip about being alone in the house. At the restaurant, Kim sits at the table with Kath and Phil. Kath proudly tells Kim that Phil lost over 200 pounds. Kim asks, "Do you have any pictures of yourself as a load?" Phil says, "Actually there is, at the Denny's Hall of Fame wall at the all-you-can-eat buffet." He says he's trying to get them to take it down, but they won't.

Kim sees a cute guy on a date and asks the waiter to send dumplings over to the table. Phil sees this as a good time to propose to Kath, when the waiter interrupts and says, "They don't want dumplings, and she says she's going to cut your throat if you look back at her." Kim makes a scene, standing and saying she quit high school because of jealous bitches like that. Kath tells her to zip it. Kim sits and says, "Thanks for ruining my night."

In the morning, Kim asks Kath if she heard the cat screaming last night. Kath is in a leopard negligee, and Phil enters in a matching short silk robe. Kim gags, realizing it wasn't the cat, but her mother. Kath says that she and Phil had a night of passion last night and she's not apologizing for it.

Kath goes over to Craig's house and begs him to convince Kim to come back. She asks Craig if he really loves Kim. Craig says, "Yeah, like in my wedding vows I said, 'I am so into Kim.'" Kath says if he wants to save his marriage, he has to accept who Kim is and give up everything. Craig says that he thought marriage was about having a best friend and someone to go through life with. "Well then, you should have married a dog," Kath says.

Kath and Kim go to the mall. Craig texts Kim, who deletes his message. Kim wants a new outfit for her MySpace profile. Kath says that Kim shouldn't date while she's married. "Can we not talk about this?" Kim says. Kim's hungry and wants to eat at the Greek place in the food court. Kath says, "I can't eat another man's sandwich. I'm dating Phil." Kim talks her into it, but Phil sees them and looks hurt. Kath runs after him, calling his name and causing a scene in the mall.

Craig, who works at an electronics store in the mall, runs up and tells Kim he found her by following the sound of her ankle bracelet. He tells her, "I love you, dude." He then pleads for her to come back, saying he can't do anything without her there. Even watch television. "That's because I threw away the remote," Kim says. Craig says, "That was a universal remote and was $200 even with my discount!" Kim starts to walk away and Craig tells her okay, he doesn't care about the remote. He just wants her back and says, "You're my universal remote." Kim walks off, disgusted.

At home, Kath is still crying and listening to Cher's "Turn Back Time." Kim, her mind always on food, asks her, "Would it make you feel better if you got up and made us some nachos?" Craig calls, crying. Kim wants Kath to deal with him. She drags Kim to Craig's work to deal with it herself.

At the store, Kath tries to convince herself that Phil wasn't so great. She picks up "The Bodyguard" DVD and pines over it. Who's she kidding? Phil was great. A voice over the loudspeaker asks the foxy lady looking at "The Bodyguard" DVD to come to the plasma TV section. It's Phil, on TV, all of them. Kath, beside herself, rushes around the store and finds him. He asks her, "Kath Day, will you turn Day into Knight?" He then kneels and proposes. Kath says yes, to applause. Craig, standing by Kim, gets kudos from her.

At home, Phil and Kath canoodle like a couple soon to be married. Kim is over it, and says Craig bought her a trophy wife shirt so she took him back. Craig drops in with a surprise for Kim, a big dog named Ginger. Kim says, "You know I hate dogs!" Craig says that Kim says she hates everything, so it's hard to know what she really hates. He says it was Kath's idea, just as Ginger takes off after the cat. Kim says it's her or the dog, and Craig runs after Ginger. The divorce is back on, Kim says. And Kath, so close to being free of Kim, is now back to square one.