GCB Episode 1.06 Turn the Other Cheek

It's another beautiful day in Hillside Park, where this week's sermon topic implores our parishioners to "Turn the Other Cheek." During announcements, Ripp and Carlene Cockburn invite the entire congregation to the reception for their annual vow renewal. This year's theme is Gone With the Wind. Well, fiddle-dee-dee, this is one major party no one wants to miss.

At coffee hour, Sharon and Pastor Tudor discuss Sharon's many duties as Carlene's Matron of Honor. This is the first time she's ever been entrusted with this task and she is psyched! Which can't be said for Carlene, who sees Amanda and her brother, Luke, making kissy faces at each other. But with today's sermon ringing in her ears she decides to turn the other cheek -- after all, what harm can be done?

Later, Cricket and Blake are in their swanky private jet on their way back to Dallas. Blake's excited about a new, low maintenance business prospect -- sperm banks! Suddenly he's misty; babies are one of God's miracles and all. Maybe it's time he and Cricket try for another? Off Cricket, not thrilled with this concept...

At Gigi's, Luke surprises Amanda with an invitation to Carlene's vow renewal. Amanda shuts him down -- bad idea. After Luke leaves, Gigi asks if Amanda's out of her ever-lovin' mind? Amanda realizes she's being a dope and heads over to Chez Cockburn to retract her refusal...totally unaware she's heading into a hoop-skirted hell. Carlene and the GCBs are trying on their wedding outfits and when Carlene overhears Amanda's plans to attend her sacred day, she nearly faints. But, still trying to stay on the righteous path, she overcompensates, turns the other cheek, and ends up taking the Matron of Honor duties away from Sharon and giving them to Amanda! Sharon's none too pleased. Hmm, is there a new Civil War a-brewing in town?

Amanda's shocked when Sharon shows up and sweetly gives her the encyclopedia-sized binder of Maid of Honor research she's compiled. She informs Amanda about this afternoon's themed bridal shower -- which Amanda is now officially hosting. But when Amanda gives Carlene an inappropriate adults-only, battery-operated gift at the shower, she quickly realizes that Sharon's help is anything but.

Amanda, overwhelmed by her new duties, commiserates with Luke. He reassures her that things always go horribly awry at Carlene's ceremonies. Besides, she can't do anything that's worse than the time he indulged in some illicit herbal substances and lost the Cockburns' marriage license. That makes her feel better. And besides, there's only the bachelorette party left. How bad can that be?

Pretty bad. Turns out Carlene wants to kill some deer to serve at the reception, so the ladies are going hunting! Amanda's little black dress and sky-high heels don't exactly go with the haute couture camo the ladies are sporting. Before setting out on the hunt, Sharon gives Amanda a wee word of warning about her new boyfriend, Luke. Amanda's not the first woman he's brought to one of these vow renewals. In fact, she's the 17th -- Luke's made a habit of never bringing the same woman twice. The ladies in the know call it, "The Curse." Looks like lovely Luke is more of a lout.

With Sharon's words ringing in her ears, Amanda and Carlene set out to bag some deer. Amanda takes this opportunity to call Carlene on her crap. She had Sharon try to poison her romance with Luke, right? Carlene denies having anything to do with Sharon's gossip and the two get into a heated exchange. Amanda decides she's done with hunting and Carlene, and storms off. But as she leaves she drops her gun, which fires -- shooting Carlene right in the backside!

Meanwhile, Cricket and Heather are getting some female bonding time of their own when they pair off, hunting for Cricket's "trophy buck of a lifetime." During the private time, Cricket finally opens up about her reluctance about having a new baby -- she feels she may have blown the mother role with her daughter Alexandra. She may be great at a lot of things but being a maternal, traditional mom isn't one of them. Heather reassures her that she is a great parent, and what's more is she and Blake are a great team. Just then they're interrupted by Amanda on the walkie-talkie announcing that there's been a little accident...

The GCBs pounce on Amanda when they find out she's shot Carlene in cold blood. Luke tries to defend his girlfriend, but Carlene is enraged. Of all the places on her perfect little body, Amanda had to deface her buttock! Amanda tries to diffuse the situation, reminding Carlene that it could be worse. After all, lots of things have gone wrong at her previous Vow Renewals. Remember the time Luke lost the marriage license? Carlene is shocked. He lost what?! Does that mean she and Ripp aren't really married? Uh oh, looks like this is one family secret that should've remained buried.

Amanda feels awful about spilling the beans, and goes to Luke to apologize. But something else is still on her mind: Sharon's tidbit about Luke's "curse" of the 17 dates. Is she just one in a long line of girls to Luke? Okay, yeah, Luke used to be a player. But he's changed. And Amanda means a whole lot to him. But Amanda has trust issues, and finds it hard to believe him. Luke's offended -- plenty of people have told him stories about the mean girl Amanda used to be, but she said she'd changed, and Luke took her at her word. Guess she can't do the same for him...

Back at Casa Cockburn, Carlene is doped up on some (doctor-prescribed) painkillers when Sharon stops by. Carlene is still devastated about the state of her faux-marriage, and nothing Sharon says will cheer her up. When Sharon brings up Amanda, and maybe, you know, firing her from Maid of Honor now that she shot Carlene in the rear and ruined her life, Carlene snaps! She can't believe Sharon would care about who is Maid of Honor at a time like this! Doesn't she get it? It doesn't matter! Sharon has had enough. It does matter to her. Sharon finally stands up to Carlene, her supposed friend, and storms out of there.

While Carlene talks marriage, Cricket and Blake are talking babies. Specifically, the fact that Cricket has realized she's not afraid of having babies with Blake -- she's afraid of having them without him. Does he realize that having another child together means re-upping their commitment for another couple decades? Blake surprises her -- of course he does. And he's game if she is. Cricket is touched, looks at Blake and realizes he is her trophy buck of a lifetime.

So Amanda's on the outs with Luke, but her wise mama Gigi helps her realize that there's one person with whom she might be able to make things right: Carlene. If she can mend fences with his sister, Luke will forgive her too. Plus, she knows now that Carlene was just trying to be nice! It was Amanda who was being stubborn. But Amanda's apology to Carlene doesn't go over too well. Carlene's in mourning, ordering her maid Carmelita to destroy her wedding dress and other memorabilia from the Big Day -- it's all meaningless now! Amanda chases down Carmelita, not wanting Carlene to make the biggest mistake of her life. After a tug of war with tulle, Carmelita drops the most important thing of all: the 17-year-old top tier of Carlene's wedding cake! But as the pink pastry box falls to the ground it becomes clear that the cake is long gone, and in its place is the long lost marriage certificate, stuck to some buttercream frosting! Looks like a certain stoner got the munchies all those years ago. Amanda grabs the certificate, determined to fix this situation!

Amanda heads to the County Clerk's office and to have them file the wedding license retroactively. She's surprised to find Luke there...it turns out he's been pleading his case all day. But the clerk is kind of a jerk. Amanda looks the schlub up and down and realizes it's time to put her feminine wiles to work. Unfortunately, the clerk turns out to be an uber-nerd that she wronged in high school. He refuses to help -- unless Amanda shows him her boobs. So Amanda flashes him -- for Carlene. The vow renewal is back on!

At the church, Carlene, Heather and Cricket are prepping for the ceremony when Sharon interrupts. Carlene feels horrible about how she treated Sharon and admits that it was wrong to take away her Matron of Honor-ship. The ladies make up and Carlene re-bestows upon Sharon the Melanie Wilkes Matron of Honor parasol.

Amanda and Luke arrive just as the ceremony is about to begin. Carlene thanks Amanda for her help (even if flashing her boobies was sinful) and the two share a sweet moment. But then Carlene's back to her old self, banning Luke and Amanda from the sanctuary due to their denim-clad derrieres. But hey, they can watch from the door! As Ripp and Carlene exchange their vows, Amanda turns to Luke. So, he used to be a player. Well, she used to be a rhymes-with-witch. But that was the past. She's willing to forget it and move on if he is. Luke smiles; it's a deal. And we're off on two sets of lovebirds, kissing...