GCB Episode 1.03 Love is Patient

Not much is happening in the Cockburn Master Suite. Ripp is having trouble "getting in the mood" for love, which never happens. Never. A frustrated Ripp goes. Carlene puts on a brave face as she calls Cricket for (anonymous) advice... a woman on her Bible Blog is wondering how to handle her husband's inability to "rise to the occasion." Have Cricket and Blake ever experienced that? After giving some reading recommendations, Cricket hangs up to finish her "session" with hot Pilates instructor, Lance. Clearly, Cricket works out more than her abs with Lance -- they have an intimate relationship, as well. Sadly, Lance breaks the news that the physical workouts can go no further. He's getting married! Cricket takes this news very poorly to say the least.

Meanwhile, Ripp is in the backyard shooting his crossbow (to blow off some steam.) He fastens a magazine cover depicting Bill Vaughn to a target's bullseye as he makes a call. He tells the person at the other end that he's losing patience -- he wants to know all about Bill and Amanda Vaughn's financial records, asap. He hangs up, takes aim, and fires an arrow -- hitting Bill Vaughn's picture right between the eyes!

Across the street, Amanda arrives at home with a pizza for family movie night. Dressed to the nines, Gigi informs her daughter that the weekly ritual has been cancelled -- it's time Amanda starts having a social life. First stop is the opera, where Amanda is sure to meet a "suitable" man. But Amanda isn't ready to date! She's still in a mourning period for her late husband, Bill. Gigi points out that since Bill was a cheater and a crook, the mourning period is automatically shorter. Gigi is worried her daughter is going to die alone. While Amanda puts the brakes on a Gigi-sponsored night out, she can't help agree with her mother: It's time to get a social life.

The next day, Carlene, Cricket and Sharon tend to the Church's flowerbeds. Actually, their gardeners plant as GCB's gossip nearby. Fresh-faced Pastor Tudor walks over, thrilled that the ladies will be helping out with the church's event on Wednesday night. As Tudor leaves, Sharon tells the GCB's that she can't bring herself to confront Zack about his kiss with Amanda. She has instead recommitted herself to being a dutiful wife in the hopes that everything will simply blow over. Carlene explains the difference between patience and denial. Sharon needs to fight for Zack by stamping out that temptress Amanda.

At Boobylicious, Heather picks up a cake from Amanda in an attempt snag Andrew Remington, a former high school nerd turned cute billionaire. Just then, Sharon barges in with Cricket and Carlene to confront harlot Amanda. Levelheaded Amanda tries to diffuse the situation, but Sharon will hear none of it. Suddenly, a fire-pole-sliding Boobylicious waitress collides with Sharon and knocks her to the floor!

Since Pilates is not on the calendar anymore, Cricket meets with her old sexy Taekwondo instructor Victor for a "refreshment lesson." Victor grins at her return as things get hot and heavy on the mat. He's missed her kick...

Amanda comes home after work to find Pastor Tudor chatting with Gigi who's donating furs for the homeless clothing drive. Tudor has a suggestion for single Amanda -- the Church Singles Group! It's a low-key way to meet nice people. Would she like to come to a church-sponsored fellowship supper? Amanda declines the invitation.

Amanda retreats to her room and opens a piece of mail from the U.S. Marshal's Office. Inside is a framed Vaughn family photograph and a note from her late husband, Bill. (The Marshal's Office only just released the items to Amanda's care.) As a blind-sighted Amanda settles in to read...

In bed, a discouraged Carlene and Ripp are costumed as characters from the Bible. Clearly, the role-play books Carlene bought didn't work. When Carlene is out of sight, Ripp dials his forensic accountant who has gone over Amanda Vaughn's bank records as well as her Boobylicious employee paperwork. Unless Amanda is a criminal mastermind, she isn't hiding any of her dead husband's ill-gotten money. Whatever Amanda knows is locked up in that pretty little head of hers. Ripp vows to gain access to those secrets.

After hearing what a great workout Cricket had a Taekwondo (minus the sexy details), Carlene gets Victor's number from Cricket's assistant and books a session. Carlene tells Victor she needs him to relieve her tension, just like he did for Cricket. She's so desperate; she'll even pay extra. Victor misinterprets and begins to disrobe. As soon as she realizes this isn't just any old workout, a stunned Carlene dashes out the door.

Sharon tries to talk to Zack about what's bothering her (his kiss with Amanda,) but she loses her nerve. A call for cooking advice to the Texas Chili Council beefs up her resolve to "yank that man's chain," but for the moment her opportunity for confrontation has passed.

Heather pulls up in the church parking lot. A bewildered Amanda is in the passenger seat. What are they doing here? Surprise! They're going to a church-sponsored Singles Supper. Andrew Remington will be there and Heather needed wing-woman Amanda at her side. Amanda isn't in the mood -- the letter from Bill has her rattled. His memory is popping up everywhere all of the sudden. Heather feels terrible -- she had no idea Amanda was dealing this this stuff. She tells her friend she'll take her home immediately. Amanda looks up at the church, finds some solace in its image. She agrees to attend the event. Regrettably so when she realizes that the GCBs and their respective husbands are the "Marriage All-Stars" and co-hosts for the evening's event!

Carlene announces that she and the other volunteer group leaders are dividing the Singles into two groups: the "Always Alones" (never married), and the "Alones Again" (those whose marriages have failed, through divorce, death, etc.). Andrew and Amanda are in the same group and Heather is flying solo. The Marriage All-Stars are divvied up, too -- Ripp & Carlene with Amanda's group, and Blake & Cricket with Heather's. And then there are Sharon and Zack, who are providing the chili supper. They're off to the kitchen!

Carlene lays down wisdom for the Alones Again. Amanda and the rest of the group are alone because they don't have proper closure with their Exes. They've lost patience with love. How will they calm their hearts so that they'll be able to love again? Pinatas. The Alones Again are going write down every painful thing their exes did, stuff them into the pinata and bust it open. Ripp has a lightbulb moment -- this is how he can learn what Amanda knows about Bill's finances and crimes! He focuses in on Amanda's pinata... maybe in it she'll reveal her secrets about Bill.

Carlene sees Blake and tells him, as his friend, about her inappropriate session at Taekwondo earlier. Clearly, Cricket is going to her instructor for a little action on the side! Blake covers his surprise. Has she talked to Cricket? No. Carlene feels that a husband is the spiritual, emotional, and sexual leader the household. Obviously, Cricket isn't having her needs met in the bedroom and Carlene is here to help. As she reaches into her purse and pulls out the sexy tomes from the Christian bookstore...

Chili simmers as Sharon purees and an unfocused Zack grates cheese. Sharon hands him the pepper puree, tells him to add a small does to the chili, but he's distracted by Amanda's arrival and he dumps all the pepper puree into the pot. Amanda awkwardly announces on the hunt for twine for the pinatas. Sharon ignores her, takes a taste of chili, and gags! It's insanely spicy. She spots the empty bowl of Scotch Bonnet puree. Zack dumped all of it into the pot?! At Amanda's urging, Sharon comes clean. The dam breaks as Sharon blasts Zack for ignoring her, destroying the chili, and kissing Amanda Vaughn! Her work done, Amanda goes. A contrite Zack apologizes for his actions. He never met to hurt Sharon. She doesn't understand - she's given him everything! Zack painfully admits that this isn't exactly the life he's always wanted and without any more words, walks away. Sharon is left alone and devastated.

Blake finds Cricket, who says this is the last time they volunteer at this charity event. These singles are creepy. So is the stack of Christian intimacy books Carlene gave Blake. A pissed-off Blake details his chat with Carlene. Stunned, Cricket defends herself. There's no way Carlene could know! Blake makes reference to their unspoken agreement to have their "needs" met outside their marriage, but that's only as long as those relationships are discreet. Cricket put Blake in a vulnerable position and she needs to fix this.

Cricket grabs Carlene. Her husband was insulted by his talk with Carlene and weirded out by the pornographic books. Carlene tries to defend her actions, but she's no match for the intellectual prowess of Cricket, who instantly turns the tables. Master manipulator Cricket calls Carlene's own behavior into question. She's the one having bedroom problems. She's the one complaining of being tense and needing release. Carlene should just worry about her own damn marriage.

Meanwhile, in the Alones Again group meeting, Amanda rears back to bash her pinata. But just as she's about to swing, the fire alarm goes off! Ripp approaches Amanda outside; he's rescued her pinata. Heather finds a smiling Andrew appear next to her. There's a connection between them and they share a kiss -- maybe Heather won't be single for long...

At home, Blake apologizes to Cricket for snapping at her. She's kept a secret they call theirs, but is really his. If she wants out of the marriage, Blake understands. Cricket admits that she had been proposed to by three different men before Blake. But no man has ever made her beautiful or loved her for who she is except her husband. Cricket doesn't want out -- she's here to stay.

In her kitchen, Sharon misery-eats a tub of ice cream. Zack arrives, and she shoots him a cold look, which he knows he deserves. He's sorry about claiming not to be happy with the life he has, but it's true. Zack quickly adds he doesn't think it has anything to do with Sharon, or even Amanda. Why'd he kiss her, then? When he looks at Amanda, it's like he's 18 again. It makes Zack think about his glory days. Zack doesn't love Amanda. He loves what she represents. But Zack isn't the only one with glory days. Sharon dumps the ice cream in the garbage. Secure in the fact that Zack isn't leaving, she decides to shake herself out of her rut. Off Sharon, deciding her best years are still to come...

At home with Gigi, Amanda declares that Bill destroyed her trust, but she no longer will allow him to hold her back. After a freeing smash of the pinata, Amanda and Gigi read the slips from the wreckage -- they're not Amanda's. So where's her pinata?

Ripp tells Carlene that the real reason he's been out of sync with her is because Bill Vaughn stole their money. He was afraid to admit it to her, since having anything taken from him makes Ripp feel less like a man. The truth sets Ripp free, in the way that he is finally able to perform his husbandly bedroom duties. Carlene is thrilled. Post sex, Ripp shares a surprise with Carlene. Thanks to the fire alarm, Ripp was able to swap Amanda's pinata out with someone else's. All of Amanda's secrets about Bill are inside. Ripp and Carlene read the slips aloud. Each one is a plea from Amanda to Bill -- asking him to leave her alone, or to go away, etc. This is curious to Carlene. Why is Amanda referring to Bill in the present tense? Ripp has a theory -- maybe Bill is still alive, and is in hiding! And if he is still alive, then he's got the Cockburn's money. And Ripp is going to get it back!