A moving truck rumbles down a suburban street. Behind the wheel is Jeff Woodcock and next to him is his beautiful new wife, Steph Woodcock. The newlyweds squeal in excitement about driving down their new street for the first time until their passion takes over and Jeff leans in to kiss Steph. Steph pulls away just before Jeff nearly misses hitting an oncoming mail truck. It 's their twelfth day of marriage.
Next door to the Woodcock's new home, Eddie Stark and his wife Joy are having breakfast. Rather, they're tolerating each other long enough to get a meal in. Joy slices her thumb open and waves it in Eddie's face. He's disgusted, but Joy forces it on him anyway. This is marriage day 8,743 for them.
Through the window, Eddie sees the Woodcocks exit the moving truck. Jeff is carrying Steph and bumps her head on the doorway.
Jeff and Steph finish their daily jog and pace in their front yard. Eddie and Joy pull up in the driveway. When they get out of the car, they introduce themselves. Eddie finds out that Jeff is the new Assistant Vice Principal at the high school where Eddie also teaches history. Jeff expresses his desire to be a "cool" Vice Principal, but Eddie tells him that it's in a kid's nature to hate their Vice Principal, and having a last name like Woodcock already puts him at a disadvantage. Steph returns from the mailbox with a pool table catalog and Jeff tells everyone he had considered putting it in the dining room.
The next morning, Eddie and Jeff are carpooling to work. Eddie explains to Jeff that he's never going to get the pool table. Jeff sits in the passenger seat shuffling fliers he plans to pass out to the kids with his website on it so that the kids can e-mail him. Jeff defends that Steph will let him get the pool table.
When they arrive at the school, Eddie tells Jeff that marriage is basically about having someone there to drive you to the hospital. Jeff doesn't like Eddie's dark take on marriage. A kid on a scooter tears between Eddie and Jeff. Eddie tells Jeff that the kid is Pete Pratt whose father did heart surgery on the principal and now Pete is untouchable. Pete harasses Jeff about his last name.
Jeff and Eddie head out at the end of the day. Jeff tells Eddie that the more he thinks about the pool table idea, the more he's sure that Steph will go for it. Eddie tells him that there is no way it is going to he's going to get it and he proceeds to tell Jeff every single thing that is going to happen.
In the car, Eddie continues and plays the parts of Jeff and Steph. As Eddie rambles on, Jeff sits beside him, mortified and possibly buying into Eddie's rant. Eddie finishes his point by asking what pattern Jeff and Steph selected on their china. Jeff replies, "Butterflies." Case closed for Eddie.
Steph scurries to the door to hug Jeff as he gets in. Jeff makes his move to get the pool table. He starts his sales pitch and Steph is fine with everything. Jeff is thrilled.
Joy comes downstairs to the living room and tells Eddie that they're going jogging. Eddie is baffled and Joy says it's all because they met the super-fit Woodcocks. Joy also says she invited them to dinner. Eddie stays on the couch and Joy begins to stretch. But then she sees what Eddie is watching on TV and quickly gives in.
The Woodcocks are at the Stark's for dinner. Jeff loudly brags to Eddie that he and Steph are going pool table shopping. Joy excuses herself to check on the dinner. Eddie moves to the drink cart and opens a bottle of wine. Suddenly, Steph asks Jeff if he's sure the dining room is big enough. Eddie looks up, the fight is starting. Jeff goes on the defense as Steph begins to say everything Eddie told Jeff in the car coming home from work. Steph says no to the pool table, and Jeff squirms in frustration.
After the Woodcocks leave, Eddie tells Joy about the Steph and Jeff's fight. Eddie explains that he knew Jeff would never have a pool table because "in marriage, women stop fun from happening." Joy challenges Eddie to name a time when she stopped him from having fun and Eddie brings up a hot tub he wanted. Joy is upset because she defends that she didn't want the neighbors to see Eddie in his swimsuit. Eddie then asks Joy when the last time she went out to her herb garden that resides where the hot tub would have been. Joy tells Eddie that he's the one killing the fun and storms off. Eddie knows he crossed a line.
At the school, Eddie tells Jeff that after the Woodcocks left that he and Joy "caught their fight." Jeff tells Eddie that his fight with Steph is over and that he's getting the pool table. Eddie can't respond, and Jeff rubs it in.
Joy watches television with her hand in a bucket of chicken. When Eddie comes home, she quickly ditches the bucket and pretends to be exercising. Eddie has a handful of seed packets for Joy's garden, and Joy wants to know what he really wants. Eddie turns on the charm. He tells Joy that she looks trimmer and smells like…fried chicken. Joy sees a billiard delivery truck leaving the Woodcocks and Joy sees through Eddie's game and accuses Eddie of having an agenda. Eddie tries to make his move for make-up sex, and in desperation Eddie shows his hand by trying to show her hot tub brochures. Joy realizes all Eddie was trying to do was get his hot tub. The fight escalates and Eddie storms off to play pool at Jeff's.
Eddie storms in and heads for the table. Eddie addresses that the room is a little small for a pool table and Jeff quiets him so Steph doesn't hear. Eddie and Jeff squeeze into the room and do their best to play a game. Eddie makes his move for the first shot and knocks a cue rack off the wall which pokes him in the eye.
Joy opens her front door to find Eddie nursing his eye with an icepack. "I'm hurt," he groans softly. Eddie and Joy hug before heading to the hospital.
At the hospital, Eddie apologizes for acting like an idiot. He tells Joy that he feels like they're trying to compete with the Woodcocks and that they shouldn't have to. Joy tells Eddie, "What do you alway say? Marriage is for having someone to drive you to the hospital. Eddie's phone rings as the Starks go to leave.
Jeff tells Eddie over the phone that he needs to get rid of the table. The room is way too small. Eddie says that Jeff it's like history. Once you get a piece of land, you don't give it up. Joy shakes her head and the two head home.